Evil Ex

[stealth2]

Her mom is struggling.

Courts have a way of fixing this problem. It's called an upward modification of support.

 

[AHA]

Well I guess I hit a nerve on the redneck thing. It wasn't meant to offend, just the only way I can describe her mother. A lot of people make a lot of assumptions but you don't know her mom. Somehow Annie is getting bruises on her body. I don't know where they're coming from. I'm guessing some of them are from playing and being a 3 year old. I know her dad can provide a better life for her. If she lived at our house, I can guarentee she'd have shoes that fit her, clothes that were not torn and dirty, lungs free from smoke, a bed to go to everynight (not grandma and grandpas or a babysitter), and a safe environment. Her dad can give her that. Her mom is struggling.

I'm not a red neck, but I do hate to see far fetched assumptions about parenthood when so frikkin many parents (not red neck specific) suck at raising their kids right.

 

[stealth2]

Oh, and nicole, sweetie? There is no "we".

 

[Phnx02]

I agree that there have been no real changes in circumstance that would validate a custody change. However, a recalculation of child support is certainly not out of the question, plus ALL state guidelines make daycare costs part of the calculation. Therefore, if she takes dad back for a cs recalculation because he refuses to contribute to daycare, it WILL get included in the order. In addition, if his income has increased since the original order was written it may go up even more.

It would be far wiser for him to cover half of the daycare costs without going back to court. However that is just my opinion.

Not ALL states include daycare costs as part of the cs calculation. In Texas & Nebraska, for example, child care costs are totally seperate and can be IN ADDITION to the monthly cs amount.

 

[nicole_mk]

I'm aware of that

Thank you for not being rude with your post. I am aware that daycare could be added- I will call a lawyer Monday to figure the whole thing out.

 

[LdiJ]

Not ALL states include daycare costs as part of the cs calculation. In Texas & Nebraska, for example, child care costs are totally seperate and can be IN ADDITION to the monthly cs amount.

Yes, but they are still part of the court orders, and parents are still required to pay their fair share. Its true that they may be separate from the CS...but they are still ordered to pay. That was the main point that I was making....that if mom asks the courts to order dad to share in the child care costs dad WILL be ordered to contribute.

 

[CJane]

Thank you for not being rude with your post. I am aware that daycare could be added- I will call a lawyer Monday to figure the whole thing out.

Might be a better idea to have your husband do so, since you have no legal claim to the child or right to object to how much is being paid to the mother.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

*snort*

What is the name of your state? South Dakota

I have issues. My husband and I married 6 months ago and he's got a 3 year old daughter (Annie) with an ex wife. The child is not being abused or neglected, her mother loves her. BUT- We can provide a bettter life for this child growing up. For example, her mother smokes heavy and the child has recently had tubes put in her ears for earaches. My husband and I would never smoke around Annie. I know, who's to say our lifestyle is better than hers (she's a bit "redneck", not a good rolemodel, or one we want the little girl to follow!) We've found bruises on the little girl, her back, arms, head and private parts. She's always has a reason for each and every "ouchie" she's got. Her mother and my husband were both in Iraq for a year (been home 9 months) and during that time the little girl and her brother (not my husband bio child) lived with ex wife's parents. I think they were taken care of, but again, they're lifestyle is a bit different... Last time we had Annie at our house she asked me why I keep beer bottles on my decorative shelves in our house- it was a purple vase shaped like a bottle of beer, I guess. Is that normal for a 3 year old to associate the two? Anyway, when the two got home from Iraq the ex wife told us we were supposed to pay half of childcare expenses, she said it was agreed to when they were divorced. We made a mistake, not checking the divorce decree and we ended up paying over $1,000.00 in daycare before we figured it out. She's not impressed about us not paying day care anymore. She said she's going to take us to court to have it added to the divorce decree. We're wondering, what are our chances of getting full custody of Annie? We didn't take pictures of the bruises like we should have. We haven't made a log of all the "crazy" things his ex wife has done. We just usually roll with the punchs and try not to make waves so she doesn't freak out on us. It seems over the last month that Annie was taken to the emergency room for something and we were never told, or my husband was never made aware of it. We figured it out whn we got the Explaination of Benefites form from our insurance company (we hold insurance on his daughter). Can we use that stuff against her? Shouldn't she have told us? She used to tell us when Annie went to the doctor. It makes us think that something may have happen to Annie that his ex didn't want him to know about. Please help anyone!

Yes, I agree, you have issues.. you really need to get off your snob ride and face reality. This child is not yours, it's your husband's and his ex wife. You are lucky enough to enjoy time with her, but it's not up to you to make judgements about the other parent. If you had a leg to stand on you would call CPS or do something serious about it. It certainly sounds to me that you are just trying to get the custodial mom out of the pic so you can play mommy. You sound just like my ex's new wife. She wants everything her way or daddy doesn't get to see son because SHE is feeling threatened by the possibility that mommy and daddy will get along.
Re: bruises. My three year old has bruises all over his legs, sometimes his back, sometimes his arms, sometimes his forehead. THe point is that normally play causes bruises on kids, on adults, on anyone. And Re: the emergency room - well, when I am taking my kids in for emergency treatment, I'm focusing on the kids and not on my ex, he'll get told as soon as I can get to him but sometimes an emergency room visit is just because the doc is closed and you are worried and need to get your child checked out NOW for both your good. Flu, cough, what have you.
Now I suggest that unless you have some kind of serious concerns for the child , butt out, otherwise, take mom to court. My ex just did that to me, egged on by his new wife and got his *ss handed to him by the judge. He's now facing perjury charges and has to pay my lawyers fees.
If you are threatened by your husband and his ex's bonding over the baby, you should all go for counseling. Just because you have more money than the mom, doesn't mean you and your husband are a better home for the child.
I've been struggling to raise my kids on my own because their fathers (both my ex's) have decided they just didn't want to be bothered and wanted to live the single life, spend time with the girly's and when they find someone to set up house with..NOW they want the child, the diapering is over, the all night colic fits are over, the really hard part is over and now the child can make a wee family with new wife. Oh joy oh joy, look how great we are, we have a finely furnished home, a two person income, no debts and we can take the child and give him all kinds of things! Mom? Oh, she's worked and gone to school to support her kids with no help (while we were vacationing, planning weddings, having fun with no attachments). See, mom isn't married - we are now! Let us have the kid to round out our pretty little scene.
Makes me sick.

 

[Jillian483]

Yes, I agree, you have issues.. you really need to get off your snob ride and face reality. This child is not yours, it's your husband's and his ex wife. You are lucky enough to enjoy time with her, but it's not up to you to make judgements about the other parent. If you had a leg to stand on you would call CPS or do something serious about it. It certainly sounds to me that you are just trying to get the custodial mom out of the pic so you can play mommy. You sound just like my ex's new wife. She wants everything her way or daddy doesn't get to see son because SHE is feeling threatened by the possibility that mommy and daddy will get along.
Re: bruises. My three year old has bruises all over his legs, sometimes his back, sometimes his arms, sometimes his forehead. THe point is that normally play causes bruises on kids, on adults, on anyone. And Re: the emergency room - well, when I am taking my kids in for emergency treatment, I'm focusing on the kids and not on my ex, he'll get told as soon as I can get to him but sometimes an emergency room visit is just because the doc is closed and you are worried and need to get your child checked out NOW for both your good. Flu, cough, what have you.
Now I suggest that unless you have some kind of serious concerns for the child , butt out, otherwise, take mom to court. My ex just did that to me, egged on by his new wife and got his *ss handed to him by the judge. He's now facing perjury charges and has to pay my lawyers fees.
If you are threatened by your husband and his ex's bonding over the baby, you should all go for counseling. Just because you have more money than the mom, doesn't mean you and your husband are a better home for the child.
I've been struggling to raise my kids on my own because their fathers (both my ex's) have decided they just didn't want to be bothered and wanted to live the single life, spend time with the girly's and when they find someone to set up house with..NOW they want the child, the diapering is over, the all night colic fits are over, the really hard part is over and now the child can make a wee family with new wife. Oh joy oh joy, look how great we are, we have a finely furnished home, a two person income, no debts and we can take the child and give him all kinds of things! Mom? Oh, she's worked and gone to school to support her kids with no help (while we were vacationing, planning weddings, having fun with no attachments). See, mom isn't married - we are now! Let us have the kid to round out our pretty little scene.
Makes me sick.

I sense a little bit of sarcasm there. Ha ha. Well anyway I agree. Bruises are normal. You should never hold the other parent at fault for having less money. Did it ever occur to you that it is really hard to pull those extra hours at work or go to school to get a degree so that you can make more money while you are caring for a child? It is nice to know that you have been saving up all of this money and stuff but really does that make you a better parent? Don't you think that Michael Jackson would have custody of his kids if it was really about which aprent has more money?

 

[LdiJ]

I sense a little bit of sarcasm there. Ha ha. Well anyway I agree. Bruises are normal. You should never hold the other parent at fault for having less money. Did it ever occur to you that it is really hard to pull those extra hours at work or go to school to get a degree so that you can make more money while you are caring for a child? It is nice to know that you have been saving up all of this money and stuff but really does that make you a better parent? Don't you think that Michael Jackson would have custody of his kids if it was really about which aprent has more money?

Unless I completely missed something Michael Jackson DOES have custody of his kids....although I admit I have not been following that whole thing too closely.

 

[CJane]

Unless I completely missed something Michael Jackson DOES have custody of his kids....although I admit I have not been following that whole thing too closely.

Yeah, I thought so too. Not that it's at all relevant.

People like the OP (at least, the way she's presented herself) scare the h*ll out of me though, acting as if more money = more security or more education = more intelligence. Whatever y'all do, don't tell her that I'm broke til the first of the month, or she'll be after custody of MY kids.

 

[nagol818]

I've been struggling to raise my kids on my own because their fathers (both my ex's) have decided they just didn't want to be bothered and wanted to live the single life, spend time with the girly's and when they find someone to set up house with..NOW they want the child, the diapering is over, the all night colic fits are over, the really hard part is over and now the child can make a wee family with new wife. Oh joy oh joy, look how great we are, we have a finely furnished home, a two person income, no debts and we can take the child and give him all kinds of things! Mom? Oh, she's worked and gone to school to support her kids with no help (while we were vacationing, planning weddings, having fun with no attachments). See, mom isn't married - we are now! Let us have the kid to round out our pretty little scene.
Makes me sick.

I call this scenario playing house.

 

[stepof3mom]

YA'LL ARE A BUNCH OF RUDE SNOBS YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!

I agree some of the stuff written was a little bit off, but gosh ya'll are extremely rude. I think she wants what is best for the little girl. I married when my skid were 5 and 7. They came over in clothes that were dirty, too small, holes in them, etc. ALL THE TIME. I would buy an outfit and they would come back in it 2 years later. The CS the mom was getting was not going for the kids. She also lived with her mom. It went on new clothes for her, car, and school for herself. The CS was alot. We saw day to day the results. Dad use to go pick them up everyday for an hour or so and we would see it on a day to day basis.
Dad needs to get involved with the dr and see if there is a problem. If the kid is having that many bruises then there could be a medical problem too. Not just abuse and not just from playing. But it could be.

 

[stepof3mom]

If you don't like the advice or these people are rude to you alot.... I know of a website that you might like to go to. Just let me know. I have been watching this website for a long time but felt it was time to post. I enjoy the other one. They won't put you down or be rude to you. Everyone is real nice and don't hate stepparents.

 

[helen7]

YA'LL ARE A BUNCH OF RUDE SNOBS YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!

I agree some of the stuff written was a little bit off, but gosh ya'll are extremely rude. I think she wants what is best for the little girl. I married when my skid were 5 and 7. They came over in clothes that were dirty, too small, holes in them, etc. ALL THE TIME. I would buy an outfit and they would come back in it 2 years later. The CS the mom was getting was not going for the kids. She also lived with her mom. It went on new clothes for her, car, and school for herself. The CS was alot. We saw day to day the results. Dad use to go pick them up everyday for an hour or so and we would see it on a day to day basis.
Dad needs to get involved with the dr and see if there is a problem. If the kid is having that many bruises then there could be a medical problem too. Not just abuse and not just from playing. But it could be.

And....do you really think that taking a child away from her mother....life that she has known for the 3 years of her life, is really what is in the best interest of the child so that she can have the best clothes and shoes that money can buy? I do believe that if the OP was as worried about the child as she says she is, she would have taken pictures of the brusies and calles CPS. The dad would have demanded medical records...so on. I am a step mother as well as a mother, and I thought that she was way out of line. My husband just got custody of his 2 boys because the mother is a drug user, not because the boys didnt wear name brand clothes. IMO...I think that the OP is just embarassed by the little girl and wants to get custody of her and make it all better.