HELP ...living arrangements

[JulieHun]

Just needing to vent...sorry..

Oklahoma
I dont ever post on here, just read mostly. I shared my story on here back in August or September I believe. My ex's wife, of 8 years, complained consistently about child support..just like you are, worried sick about where it was going exactly. My story is quit different though, my daughter was sexually abused by stepmoms dad, then he hung himself in the woods, and left a note admitting all he has done. My ex and his wife did not support my daughter through any of this ordeal, emotionally. 3 years after he died, stepmom, admitted her dad had done this to her. Crazy world...
In March of last year stepmom told me she would commit suicide if I did not drop child support....it was causing to much stress in her world. So I figured why not, they have 4 kids of there own now, WON'T have anything to do with our daughter, havent seen her in 3 to 4 years. My daughter did not want to go around them really, without supervised, and I dont blame her the trust was broken Years ago.
Well anyway, my point of where Im going with this...Is things could be alot worse. We have an oversized garage, which in meaning, is as big as a 2 car garage, with only one door on the side, when we bought the house, the previous owners already had built a wall..to put there teenage daughter in there. So we finished it...My daughter absolutly loves it, she will be 17 in december, has been in it for 2 years, and her friends love to come stay the night...My other 2 daughters 12 and 6 fight over who gets the room, when big sis leaves for college!! I have 3 daughters each by different dads, I was 18 when I married my first, we had my 16 year old, he left me for the army, came back and filed divorce papers. Married my 2nd had my 12 year old, he cheated left and right, Married my 3rd and had my 6 year old, we are extremly happy, I know it will last. NOT ONE time has anyone asked about it.
Circumstanes and Situations happen, beyond are control, life is not planned out for us, Dont be so critical....Trust me, Im not a bad mom. I doubt your husbands ex is either, just maybe made a few bad choices. My ex's wife, tried to bring this up in court...Judge laughed at her, told her to stop and take a look at who was being responsible..told her this was not a reason. He was on his 3 wife also! The Judge. Bad choices, and circumstances do not make us bad people. Give her a break, you might kinda like her, maybe could establish a friendship. My ex, hasnt bothered us, since I dropped child support, the judge did agree, I get nothing, but the judge also saw what I was dealing with. But ya know, if ex wants to see her, I would not shut the door on him....it would be supervised, But Im a good Mom...Child comes first..

Please dont critize me...just needed to vent this out...

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Thanks Julie for sharing your perspective on the issue, one which I suspect OP will not like either, LOL.

 

[clomicka]

rmet4nzkx-Do you have to constantly put your two cents in?

Thanks Julie for sharing your perspective on the issue, one which I suspect OP will not like either, LOL.

You know I could quote all your posts of butting your nose where it doesn't belong when very confused people come to this site to vent or get advise before maybe seeking council.

You do nothing BUT criticize without getting all the facts.

I appreciate honest feedback from anyone except yourself.

Again, BUTT OUT

 

[clomicka]

Thx Julie

Oklahoma
I dont ever post on here, just read mostly. I shared my story on here back in August or September I believe. My ex's wife, of 8 years, complained consistently about child support..just like you are, worried sick about where it was going exactly. My story is quit different though, my daughter was sexually abused by stepmoms dad, then he hung himself in the woods, and left a note admitting all he has done. My ex and his wife did not support my daughter through any of this ordeal, emotionally. 3 years after he died, stepmom, admitted her dad had done this to her. Crazy world...
In March of last year stepmom told me she would commit suicide if I did not drop child support....it was causing to much stress in her world. So I figured why not, they have 4 kids of there own now, WON'T have anything to do with our daughter, havent seen her in 3 to 4 years. My daughter did not want to go around them really, without supervised, and I dont blame her the trust was broken Years ago.
Well anyway, my point of where Im going with this...Is things could be alot worse. We have an oversized garage, which in meaning, is as big as a 2 car garage, with only one door on the side, when we bought the house, the previous owners already had built a wall..to put there teenage daughter in there. So we finished it...My daughter absolutly loves it, she will be 17 in december, has been in it for 2 years, and her friends love to come stay the night...My other 2 daughters 12 and 6 fight over who gets the room, when big sis leaves for college!! I have 3 daughters each by different dads, I was 18 when I married my first, we had my 16 year old, he left me for the army, came back and filed divorce papers. Married my 2nd had my 12 year old, he cheated left and right, Married my 3rd and had my 6 year old, we are extremly happy, I know it will last. NOT ONE time has anyone asked about it.
Circumstanes and Situations happen, beyond are control, life is not planned out for us, Dont be so critical....Trust me, Im not a bad mom. I doubt your husbands ex is either, just maybe made a few bad choices. My ex's wife, tried to bring this up in court...Judge laughed at her, told her to stop and take a look at who was being responsible..told her this was not a reason. He was on his 3 wife also! The Judge. Bad choices, and circumstances do not make us bad people. Give her a break, you might kinda like her, maybe could establish a friendship. My ex, hasnt bothered us, since I dropped child support, the judge did agree, I get nothing, but the judge also saw what I was dealing with. But ya know, if ex wants to see her, I would not shut the door on him....it would be supervised, But Im a good Mom...Child comes first..

Please dont critize me...just needed to vent this out...

Thx.

I do understand that some people need to make living arrangements and use their garage. The problem here is they didn't file a permit for the work they are actually doing. When we originally posted this message: our concern was that in FL; many people get a permit do partial work; e.g. false wall then get an inspection and then after complete some work not up to par, then make their daughter live in something that was not approved or up to par.

We should know because we built a room in our home for one of our children as our family grew.

I would ask the bio mom in our case; if she would sleep in the garage they have at this moment for two weeks, and see she likes it or ask that she take the garage room and give their room to our daughter.

Can I ask you if your garage build out had a real outside wall where garage door was or not?

Thanks.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

confused people come to this site to vent or get advise before maybe seeking council.

Yes, you are confussed.

This is not, NOT a venting site.

 

[stealth2]

clomicka... the fact remains that this is none of your business. It is NOT your home, nor do you get to use your hypotheses to change custody. Until DAD can actually PROVE that HIS daughter is in a dangerous situation, there is no cause for the court to change custody. That was the answer you got way back on page one.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Thx.

I do understand that some people need to make living arrangements and use their garage. The problem here is they didn't file a permit for the work they are actually doing. When we originally posted this message: our concern was that in FL; many people get a permit do partial work; e.g. false wall then get an inspection and then after complete some work not up to par, then make their daughter live in something that was not approved or up to par.

We should know because we built a room in our home for one of our children as our family grew.

I would ask the bio mom in our case; if she would sleep in the garage they have at this moment for two weeks, and see she likes it or ask that she take the garage room and give their room to our daughter.

Can I ask you if your garage build out had a real outside wall where garage door was or not?

Thanks.

Your original post stated that they had permits, you were concerned that it wouldn't be adequate even if it passed inspection because it had slab floors and sheetrock walls, both of which are common and acceptable building materials. You were previously told that if it passes inspection it is safe. No you don't have to put a wall up where the garage door is as that is a means of egress. Now you change your story and it turns out you have even built on! What a hippocrate!

What is the name of your state? FL

All,

I have an intelligent 14 year old daughter who’s primary residence, for the moment, is her mom’s house. Her mom has a three bedroom house. There is a room for her, her 10 year old brother and her mom/step-father. Her mom is pregnant and due in June with a half sister. Her mom is ‘building’ a room for my daughter; get this, in the garage. To the best of our knowledge, they are doing the work themselves but seem to have permits. The room was suppose to be finished before the baby is born but will not be due to problems beyond our knowlege.

It suffices to say I don’t want my daughter living in a garage. I pay plenty of support and my daughter deserves better. I doubt the work they are going to do will be professional. It may possibly be unsafe. It may pass codes it may not. Either way I don’t want my daughter living in a half-assed bedroom built in a garage.

What can we do?
Thanks

 

[clomicka]

rmet4nzkx-Do you run this site?

rmet4nzkx- You are quite a bitter person. People are venting in the sense that they want to understand what they need to document and what might help them when persuing legal help.

You are nothing but a pain to anyone who isn't as PERFECT as you think you ARE.

They are posing a situation that they would like comments on and if they ask a question twice it is NOT your job to belittle them with your nastyness.

 

[clomicka]

Your original post stated that they had permits, you were concerned that it wouldn't be adequate even if it passed inspection because it had slab floors and sheetrock walls, both of which are common and acceptable building materials. You were previously told that if it passes inspection it is safe. No you don't have to put a wall up where the garage door is as that is a means of egress. Now you change your story and it turns out you have even built on! What a hippocrate!

Everyone is a hippocrate to you! We had asked the question and got answers yesterday as to what the permit was after calling the building dept. The original question was posted before the phone call with answers and going to property where we picked up daughter and found out what permit was for....

Are you the GOD of this site....can anyone make out a typo or phrase something incorrectly without you being as real @SS about it.

And no it hasn't had final inspection...I asked Julie about the wall up where garage door was?; because you have serious problems, and I wouldn't ask you jack crap.

Are you the county code advisor in all states???

 

[clomicka]

By the way, in FL we have hurricanes

Part of our concern deals with all the devastating destruction in our state from hurricanes this past year.

Garage doors do not stand the winds involved in these storms and I think presents a reason for our line of questions. Most people here add an addition onto the top of their garage when adding a room to their home.

 

[JulieHun]

Me again...

My daughter has actually 2 exits, the inner part of the garage, is the bedroom, so when we go through the utility room into the garage, we built a little wall, and it has a door, which goes into daughters room, then she has a door, the previous owners put in, in the wall they built, so in case of an emergency, she can either go back through the house, or out the garage door. Its a very nice room! Up to Teen Par! Let me tell ya, she is the talk among her friends, Watch Home and Garden T.V. Or Home Make Over Shows, and they do it all the time, can get some cool ideas.
I can say, that it wont hold up in court. We actually spent close to $4,000, in fixing daughters room up, 2 years ago. It shows the Mom is trying, if she had to share a room, you and your husband might be upset over that. Mom is giving her what all teen girls want, her own room. Maybe you and mom can try and get along, and you could offer decor ideas for your step daughters room. Your trying to sepearate and alienate, and this is not good. My ex's wife did this, cause she picked over small things, such as what you are doing, now, my daughter wants nothing to with stepmom, and Dad isnt allowed to talk to daughter...per stepmom. But stepmom still likes to send me nasty emails. Its a control thing. Dont do it, Dont go there, You will be the loser in the end. Trust me. Be happy mom is thinking of daughter.
Support, and just be there...dont nit pick! Mom is Mom, Dad is Dad. Nothing you can do to change it.

 

[Gracie3787]

Part of our concern deals with all the devastating destruction in our state from hurricanes this past year.

Garage doors do not stand the winds involved in these storms and I think presents a reason for our line of questions. Most people here add an addition onto the top of their garage when adding a room to their home.

I've been keeping up with this thread, but wasn't going to put in my "2 cents worth", but this quote is just too much.

First, Do you honestly believe that you STEPdaughter will be INSIDE her new room DURING A HURRICANE????? No way, so there isn't any worry about her getting hurt by the door.

Second, I don't know where you are in Fl. but here in south central, where I live, north central, where my sister lives, central (Orlando) where I used to live, the East coast, where a friend lives, and the west coast (Tampa) where another friend lives virtually ALL additional rooms are IN THE OLD GARAGE-NOT BUILT ON TOP. Which by the way, is more likely to be damaged in a hurricane than a ground floor room.

Third, when my son was 15 we moved into a house and we put him out in the converted garage. He LOVED it, he felt as if he had his own apartment, and all his friends envied him.

I don't know what your problem is, but I do agree that you and your husband need some counseling/parenting classes. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

BTW- Do you realize how many families are still living in substandard housing due to the hurricanes because they don't have enough money for repairs/replacements (I'm one of them)??? Be thankful that your STEPdaughter lives in a nice home, AND STOP COMPLAINING!.
Gracie

 

[clomicka]

Thx Julie for room info...

My daughter has actually 2 exits, the inner part of the garage, is the bedroom, so when we go through the utility room into the garage, we built a little wall, and it has a door, which goes into daughters room, then she has a door, the previous owners put in, in the wall they built, so in case of an emergency, she can either go back through the house, or out the garage door. Its a very nice room! Up to Teen Par! Let me tell ya, she is the talk among her friends, Watch Home and Garden T.V. Or Home Make Over Shows, and they do it all the time, can get some cool ideas.
I can say, that it wont hold up in court. We actually spent close to $4,000, in fixing daughters room up, 2 years ago. It shows the Mom is trying, if she had to share a room, you and your husband might be upset over that. Mom is giving her what all teen girls want, her own room. Maybe you and mom can try and get along, and you could offer decor ideas for your step daughters room. Your trying to sepearate and alienate, and this is not good. My ex's wife did this, cause she picked over small things, such as what you are doing, now, my daughter wants nothing to with stepmom, and Dad isnt allowed to talk to daughter...per stepmom. But stepmom still likes to send me nasty emails. Its a control thing. Dont do it, Dont go there, You will be the loser in the end. Trust me. Be happy mom is thinking of daughter.
Support, and just be there...dont nit pick! Mom is Mom, Dad is Dad. Nothing you can do to change it.

I appreciate your information. We are still waiting on some information in our situation; this was never meant to be a battle; only wanted interesting feedback such as yours; instead we got ridiculed.

Anyways; sounds nice for your daughter. My step daughter and I have no problems. We get along quite well. Bio mom is Mom; I would never ask for anything else and my step daughter knows that. Dad is Dad but never treated that way by bio mom.

SD wanted to live here because of the arrangement at Mom's house and is going through some tough times over there; having issues with step father and the growing family and lack of support for her talent. She wants to go to a school that bio Mom did not want her to go to. Her grades and activities and her hard work got her into a great school. There is so much more to this story to go into beyond just this year.

Anyways, thanks for your input. This has given us some information to kinda understand some other's in the situation.

Thanks.

 

[clomicka]

Gracie-How would you know where she'd be...

I've been keeping up with this thread, but wasn't going to put in my "2 cents worth", but this quote is just too much.

First, Do you honestly believe that you STEPdaughter will be INSIDE her new room DURING A HURRICANE????? No way, so there isn't any worry about her getting hurt by the door.

Second, I don't know where you are in Fl. but here in south central, where I live, north central, where my sister lives, central (Orlando) where I used to live, the East coast, where a friend lives, and the west coast (Tampa) where another friend lives virtually ALL additional rooms are IN THE OLD GARAGE-NOT BUILT ON TOP. Which by the way, is more likely to be damaged in a hurricane than a ground floor room.

Third, when my son was 15 we moved into a house and we put him out in the converted garage. He LOVED it, he felt as if he had his own apartment, and all his friends envied him.

I don't know what your problem is, but I do agree that you and your husband need some counseling/parenting classes. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

BTW- Do you realize how many families are still living in substandard housing due to the hurricanes because they don't have enough money for repairs/replacements (I'm one of them)??? Be thankful that your STEPdaughter lives in a nice home, AND STOP COMPLAINING!.
Gracie

How can you all sit here and defend someone you know nothing about.

She currently has a beautiful room at both houses; with the help of us; (support and money she earned from our house to decorate it with). Don't you think it might of been nice for mom to ask her if she wanted this room that some of you think is so great !!!! She just got finished decorating her existing room around the holidays.

We just consulted a contractor for possible renovations; they gave us some plans showing the garage additional as second floor. Now you are a contractor in FL too????

My step daughter has two nice homes and we want to keep it that way!
Thanks!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

rmet4nzkx- You are quite a bitter person. People are venting in the sense that they want to understand what they need to document and what might help them when persuing legal help.

You are nothing but a pain to anyone who isn't as PERFECT as you think you ARE.

They are posing a situation that they would like comments on and if they ask a question twice it is NOT your job to belittle them with your nastyness.

This is not a venting site.

You have started the same thread at least 4 times, not twice and still get the same advice, this is the first time I have responded to it. How long before you get the picture that what you are doing is wrong, do you want a judge to take away your husbands visitaiton because of you?