HELP ...living arrangements

[stealth2]

Perhaps, clomicka, the wisest course of action would be for your husband to speak with a local attorney. That will give him the legal answers he needs and you won't get aggravated.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Everyone is a hippocrate to you! We had asked the question and got answers yesterday as to what the permit was after calling the building dept. The original question was posted before the phone call with answers and going to property where we picked up daughter and found out what permit was for....

Are you the GOD of this site....can anyone make out a typo or phrase something incorrectly without you being as real @SS about it.

And no it hasn't had final inspection...I asked Julie about the wall up where garage door was?; because you have serious problems, and I wouldn't ask you jack crap.

Are you the county code advisor in all states???

This is actually the first thread where I have used the work hippocrate so how can you accuse me of calling everyone a hippocrate! You admitted you were a hippocrate.

You posted the original question you asked this 3 times before, you already knew they had permits, don't change your story now.

No, I am not the god of this site, god's name is MARY.

Why do you have to ask about the door to anyone, it is none of your business, the building inspector will inspect the work, without your supervision.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Part of our concern deals with all the devastating destruction in our state from hurricanes this past year.

Garage doors do not stand the winds involved in these storms and I think presents a reason for our line of questions. Most people here add an addition onto the top of their garage when adding a room to their home.

Actually a garage door is less likely to be damaged than some walls, one does not add a room over the garage if they are trying to use existing space or have a one story home, even if it is a 2 story home it may defete the purpose of expanding the current floor plan if it involves another room, Once again you are trying to control. I have lived through a tornado, the garage door was just fine, the gazzebo failed and we lost the roof to the main house but not the garage.

 

[Ron1347]

I to am confused, where way back when, you said that they did in fact have the necessary and required permits. Now you are saying that they don't? The other thing I'm confused about, is your last post where you said that 'you' hired a contractor and got plans for a second floor addition. Are you saying that 'you' hired a contractor and got plans for an addition to, "bio mom's" garage? Or is it just late and my old tired mind isn't firing on all cylinders right now?

 

[Gracie3787]

How can you all sit here and defend someone you know nothing about.

She currently has a beautiful room at both houses; with the help of us; (support and money she earned from our house to decorate it with). Don't you think it might of been nice for mom to ask her if she wanted this room that some of you think is so great !!!! She just got finished decorating her existing room around the holidays.

We just consulted a contractor for possible renovations; they gave us some plans showing the garage additional as second floor. Now you are a contractor in FL too????

My step daughter has two nice homes and we want to keep it that way!
Thanks!

1. yes, it would have been nice for Mom to have asked-
how do you KNOW that she didn't ask? Do you live there? No. Do you KNOW EVERY WORD spoken between MOTHER and daughter? No. Even if Mom didn't ask- Does that make her a bad or unfit Mom? No. The point that I'm making is that Mom has every right to put her daughter into another room, and your STEPdaughter is A TEENAGER , which means that she is going to disagree with Mom alot, that is just the nature of teenage girls. I AM NOT calling your STEPdaughter a liar, I am only pointing out that YOU do not know what what said between Mom and daughter any more than I do.

2. Oh, ONE contractor gives an estimate on an addition ABOVE THE GARAGE, and suddenly you think that means that EVERYONE has additions the same way?? You are a little crazy on that one. NO, I am not a contractor, nor do I or anybody else need be to make the statement that most people use there old garages as extra rooms. All it takes is not being blind, and looking at houses- for years and years in all travels.

3. You are upset that the CS money was spent on her room last year, and I guess you feel that it is now going to waste? No. it just means that when her room is done the next several months of CS will be paying for new decorations. BIG DEAL- at least it's being spent on the child.

4. She is a VERY FORTUNATE girl to have 2 nice homes- So what the h***l are you complaining about?? I have a suggestion, why don't you take a nice Sunday drive tommorrow, go to Lake Wales,Arcadia, Sebring,Frostproof, areas in Lake County and parts of Sarasota County. Take a look at what alot of families are living in and what their old homes look like. THEN try coming back here to complain some more!

5. I am not defending anyone, I am simply telling it like it is, it's not my fault that you don't like hearing the truth.

 

[kcs00]

It is best to just drop the issue right now. We well Dh was in a situation like this execpt the children were sleeping on the floor while her BF and her sisters were in the bedrooms(not many they lived in a 2 bedroom apt). the judge told DH it was not his house and he could not enforce rules for them to follow nor judge what she does with the children in HER home. The fact that the children were on the floor pissed off the judge but legally there was nothing he could do. He told Dh to document every thing that goes on, and build you a case. So just sit back and watch with your note pad. It makes for a better case with LOTS of evidence than things that you dont like. I know this is hard to do but if there is something there it will come out just be ready to write. Just my 2 cents

 

[clomicka]

Thx kcs

It is best to just drop the issue right now. We well Dh was in a situation like this execpt the children were sleeping on the floor while her BF and her sisters were in the bedrooms(not many they lived in a 2 bedroom apt). the judge told DH it was not his house and he could not enforce rules for them to follow nor judge what she does with the children in HER home. The fact that the children were on the floor pissed off the judge but legally there was nothing he could do. He told Dh to document every thing that goes on, and build you a case. So just sit back and watch with your note pad. It makes for a better case with LOTS of evidence than things that you dont like. I know this is hard to do but if there is something there it will come out just be ready to write. Just my 2 cents

Thx, and that is exactly what we will do.

 

[clomicka]

Read some of our posts rmet4nzkx

This is actually the first thread where I have used the work hippocrate so how can you accuse me of calling everyone a hippocrate! You admitted you were a hippocrate.

You posted the original question you asked this 3 times before, you already knew they had permits, don't change your story now.

No, I am not the god of this site, god's name is MARY.

Why do you have to ask about the door to anyone, it is none of your business, the building inspector will inspect the work, without your supervision.

You constantly bagger people that ask questions, as situations arise that they are not sure how to handle with custody issues. You look for crap to pick apart.....You are a bitter women with nothing else to do in your life.. view your history of nasty comments.

My story changed because this message was originally posted on Thurs evening then Fri afternoon we found out the permit was for very minimal change and that they were doing things not included in permit when we picked up daughter that will not be inspected.

I think my husband has say about sub-standard work. Thank you.

That is what concerned my husband from the beginning that they would cheap out and do only what they thought they could get away with. She bio- mom has a history of doing these things.

If you don't agree or understand situation; butt out and don't respond.

 

[clomicka]

ron; sorry for the confusion

I to am confused, where way back when, you said that they did in fact have the necessary and required permits. Now you are saying that they don't? The other thing I'm confused about, is your last post where you said that 'you' hired a contractor and got plans for a second floor addition. Are you saying that 'you' hired a contractor and got plans for an addition to, "bio mom's" garage? Or is it just late and my old tired mind isn't firing on all cylinders right now?

This thread is a joke because of some nastiness created by someone quoting some previous posts because my husband's daughter has previously asked to live here and there is a long history of issues with bio-mom and visitation with Dad.

You actually have responded to previous posts with information that made sense.

Thanks for your reply. Sorry for the confusion. We had also hired a contractor for revisions to our own home. We also know a few contractors in the area that do very large projects and asked their opinion based on how revision work gets done.

Hope that makes the mudd clearer.

 

[casa]

You constantly bagger people that ask questions, as situations arise that they are not sure how to handle with custody issues. You look for crap to pick apart.....You are a bitter women with nothing else to do in your life.. view your history of nasty comments.

My story changed because this message was originally posted on Thurs evening then Fri afternoon we found out the permit was for very minimal change and that they were doing things not included in permit when we picked up daughter that will not be inspected.

I think my husband has say about sub-standard work. Thank you.

That is what concerned my husband from the beginning that they would cheap out and do only what they thought they could get away with. She bio- mom has a history of doing these things.

If you don't agree or understand situation; butt out and don't respond.

I have learned from experience & observation that children NEED to believe in their parents. Even the ones that slightly less than perfect. When you instill in, or contribute to, doubt about a child's parent~ You are only hurting the child in the longrun. A child learns early on to align themselves in various degrees with different aspects of their parents. No child such be made to feel shame, or even have someone fail to enforce the positives in their living situations. Many famous and admirable people lived through adversity. Adversity and having less than perfect conditions is not detrimental to children...What IS detrimental to children is other's reactions to their situations.

I speak from experience. I had a less than perfect father figure for my child. When he was absent or less than perfect- I chose to reinforce the good qualities and instill hope in my child. There came a time, years later when he re-entered our child's life and because of my interest in my child above my *personal* issues/beliefs, they have a wonderful relationship today. It took concessions, it took therapy and it took overlooking my own personal opinions.
Who did I help in the longrun? The child.

A child has no business having a sayso in this regard. Any adult decisions are made by adults and supported by adults. If you TRULY cared for the SD you would support this new adjustment, buy things or help create a wonderful new living space for her- and not get into trying to find legitimate reasons to monitor another adults actions/decisions. (Because there are none).

 

[clomicka]

Thanks casa; please understand...

I have learned from experience & observation that children NEED to believe in their parents. Even the ones that slightly less than perfect. When you instill in, or contribute to, doubt about a child's parent~ You are only hurting the child in the longrun. A child learns early on to align themselves in various degrees with different aspects of their parents. No child such be made to feel shame, or even have someone fail to enforce the positives in their living situations. Many famous and admirable people lived through adversity. Adversity and having less than perfect conditions is not detrimental to children...What IS detrimental to children is other's reactions to their situations.

I speak from experience. I had a less than perfect father figure for my child. When he was absent or less than perfect- I chose to reinforce the good qualities and instill hope in my child. There came a time, years later when he re-entered our child's life and because of my interest in my child above my *personal* issues/beliefs, they have a wonderful relationship today. It took concessions, it took therapy and it took overlooking my own personal opinions.
Who did I help in the longrun? The child.

A child has no business having a sayso in this regard. Any adult decisions are made by adults and supported by adults. If you TRULY cared for the SD you would support this new adjustment, buy things or help create a wonderful new living space for her- and not get into trying to find legitimate reasons to monitor another adults actions/decisions. (Because there are none).

I respect and understand where you are coming from; you are a very respected member here.

We are trying to make sure room is a decent addition 1)stay with mom as decided in agreement; SD has expressed that she wishes to live with bio Dad. You have to keep in mind the child feels like the new baby is more important than her due to being put in the garage; which due to the room not being anything like the one she currently resides in. The adjustment of another child has put alot of stress on her. 2) SD has threaten to run away since we told her since we told her without a legal custody change she can not just be here most of the time. We are trying to avoid this. She has asked bio Mom to live here; we even offered to keep sending money or offered to modify agreement to splitting the time equally to maybe make SD understand both parties are trying to accommodate her needs. (We can give her more attention for school work and activities, etc)

We have in the past provided our support money plus many hundreds of dollars above that to help bio mom in the past. We are not able to do that right now; the problem is the daughter hears bio mom's complaining day in and out about finances and why SD can't have clothes for school, go to the movies or why she can't afford groceries, etc. We have provided a debit card for SD that we add funds to help there when we can, but I don't feel like we have to provide more just because they decided to add to their family.

I appreciate your input.

We realize that the disputes are not positive and try to keep it among adults without putting her right there while they transpire. They are done by phone or when my husbands picks daughter up while she goes across the street to see a friend, etc.

Thanks.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You constantly bagger people that ask questions, as situations arise that they are not sure how to handle with custody issues. You look for crap to pick apart.....You are a bitter women with nothing else to do in your life.. view your history of nasty comments.

My story changed because this message was originally posted on Thurs evening then Fri afternoon we found out the permit was for very minimal change and that they were doing things not included in permit when we picked up daughter that will not be inspected.

I think my husband has say about sub-standard work. Thank you.

That is what concerned my husband from the beginning that they would cheap out and do only what they thought they could get away with. She bio- mom has a history of doing these things.

If you don't agree or understand situation; butt out and don't respond.

You already said this yesterday and I rsponded, you are just trying to bait me. Everyone else has told you the same things. Move on with your life and quit interfering.

 

[LdiJ]

I respect and understand where you are coming from; you are a very respected member here.

We are trying to make sure room is a decent addition 1)stay with mom as decided in agreement; SD has expressed that she wishes to live with bio Dad. You have to keep in mind the child feels like the new baby is more important than her due to being put in the garage; which due to the room not being anything like the one she currently resides in.

ARG!!! You have all the power in the world to make sure that she realizes that she is wrong about all of that...Instead you are "feeding" it. I will repeat my previous observation. You are practising alienation. This just frustrates me to no end...this child is getting what is the dream situation for most teens...and you are going out of your way to make she that she resents it and resents the new baby.

You should be ASHAMED of yourselves.

We have in the past provided our support money plus many hundreds of dollars above that to help bio mom in the past. We are not able to do that right now; the problem is the daughter hears bio mom's complaining day in and out about finances and why SD can't have clothes for school, go to the movies or why she can't afford groceries, etc. We have provided a debit card for SD that we add funds to help there when we can, but I don't feel like we have to provide more just because they decided to add to their family.

I appreciate your input.

We realize that the disputes are not positive and try to keep it among adults without putting her right there while they transpire. They are done by phone or when my husbands picks daughter up while she goes across the street to see a friend, etc.

Thanks.[/QUOTE]

 

[casa]

I respect and understand where you are coming from; you are a very respected member here.

We are trying to make sure room is a decent addition 1)stay with mom as decided in agreement; SD has expressed that she wishes to live with bio Dad. You have to keep in mind the child feels like the new baby is more important than her due to being put in the garage; which due to the room not being anything like the one she currently resides in. The adjustment of another child has put alot of stress on her. 2) SD has threaten to run away since we told her since we told her without a legal custody change she can not just be here most of the time. We are trying to avoid this. She has asked bio Mom to live here; we even offered to keep sending money or offered to modify agreement to splitting the time equally to maybe make SD understand both parties are trying to accommodate her needs. (We can give her more attention for school work and activities, etc)

We have in the past provided our support money plus many hundreds of dollars above that to help bio mom in the past. We are not able to do that right now; the problem is the daughter hears bio mom's complaining day in and out about finances and why SD can't have clothes for school, go to the movies or why she can't afford groceries, etc. We have provided a debit card for SD that we add funds to help there when we can, but I don't feel like we have to provide more just because they decided to add to their family.

I appreciate your input.

We realize that the disputes are not positive and try to keep it among adults without putting her right there while they transpire. They are done by phone or when my husbands picks daughter up while she goes across the street to see a friend, etc.

Thanks.

I understand the child feels the baby is more important to the Mom~ BUT....this is NORMAL. My children have such an age gap between them- been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. What you can reinforce, is that the baby WILL take more of Mom's time, and attention. Not because she is more important but because she is more vulnerable. ie; babies need someone to feed them (teen feeds themselves), more attention to their safety (you 'trust' teen is aware of these things), more time teaching to walk, talk, eat etc. (teen knows these things). *My* advice is to INCORPORATE the teen into these duties. ie; Teen can HELP teach baby to walk, talk, eat, dress, be safe. Teen can learn valuable lessons on babies. <most importantly how important it is she doesn't have one right now bc they are so much work >

Even if you are 'Right' as might- Teen will only reflect on, and respect, your decision to make the 'Best' of any situation. You can reinforce that her Mom must really trust her to basically be giving her the choice of an 'apartment' of her own...that Mom wants to just be close to the baby (they wake up in the night) and other younger siblings who may need her in the a.m. and evening times. This CAN be a situation where all applaud it, based on the assumption it's implying the teen is due more respect, leniency and trust.

(Hey, I've done the stepmom thing- respecting decisions that aren't ours bc another mom believes ito best, will only earn you more compliance all the way around) *IF* you are totally right- You still earn respect for giving benefit of the doubt, being the more mature person...etc. etc. etc.

I used to work with disabled/troubled children. Some of the best parents had their children crammed in quarters, and scraped by- having a great room of their own counts for diddly squat in the long run. If your kids sleep on the FLOOR but know you Love them...that's what counts.

You want so desperately to "prove" your love for this child...It's not necessary. Be You and the rest will fall into place. Do what you can, when you can & that will make the difference. If bio Mom falls flat on her face- you won't have an agry teen accusing you wanted it to happen. Teen emotions &/or loyalties are like the wind, they shift direction with no notice.

Rise above~ You can do it. If you didn't care, you wouldn't you be working so hard on finding answers. Some answers can't be 'Found'...You have to happen upon them via life lessons. Buy SD a warm comforter (in case it takes awhile to get heating adjusted in the new room addition- happens when you do it right or wrong)...get her a cool fan for keeping cool (happens in FL regardless of insulation). A fuzzy rug for her heat. P.S. A teen cares about those things.

Don't let this teenage girl instigate a wedge between her parents...if she does (& usually only the smartest kids do ) she'll 'play' that part until she has BOTH SIDES fighting and bowing to her every wish.

 

[tigger22472]

My story changed because this message was originally posted on Thurs evening then Fri afternoon we found out the permit was for very minimal change and that they were doing things not included in permit when we picked up daughter that will not be inspected.

I know I'm going to regret asking this but how do you know what kind of permit they have? How do you know it's not going to be inspected and how do you know they are doing things not included in the permit?

Are the things they are doing that don't go with the permit good things as far as making the room better?