Help to do this correctly

[mommyanme]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

It's not a hill to die, but important**************.

Our Court order states that "parents shall notify the other in writing 30 days in advance before taking child out of state and provide the itinerary, addresses and phone numbers of where the child will be staying."

Dad notified me October 23 about taking our son out of state for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Thanksgiving is next week and he still has not provided me with the itinerary address and phone numbers. His email stated he "would tell me at a later date". How should I handle this correctly?

I explained when he emailed he would be out of state that I needed the information 30 days in advance, I again got, "No I don't it can be anytime and I'll tell you at a later date." Now he has ignored 1 more request for the information.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

It's not a hill to die, but important**************.

Our Court order states that "parents shall notify the other in writing 30 days in advance before taking child out of state and provide the itinerary, addresses and phone numbers of where the child will be staying."

Dad notified me October 23 about taking our son out of state for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Thanksgiving is next week and he still has not provided me with the itinerary address and phone numbers. His email stated he "would tell me at a later date". How should I handle this correctly?

I explained when he emailed he would be out of state that I needed the information 30 days in advance, I again got, "No I don't it can be anytime and I'll tell you at a later date." Now he has ignored 1 more request for the information.

In principle, you could file for an emergency order preventing him from taking the child out of state because he has not complied with the court order. Heck, there might even be a judge somewhere who would grant that.

In reality, that would be a mistake. It makes you look bad rather than him. Do you have Dad's cell phone number? That's probably all you really need. But if it really bothers you all that much, you can write him a letter, send it by certified mail, return receipt requested, stating that he is in violation of the court order. Copy the court order and highlight the relevant section. Tell him that the next time it happens, you will take him to court for contempt.

Of course, only do that if you really are planning to follow through. And I'm not convinced that it's worth doing in the first place. The kids are with their father, so there's a presumption that they're safe.

How old are the kids? You could get them a cheap cell phone to carry with them if they're old enough.

 

[mommyanme]

In principle, you could file for an emergency order preventing him from taking the child out of state because he has not complied with the court order. Heck, there might even be a judge somewhere who would grant that.

In reality, that would be a mistake. It makes you look bad rather than him. Do you have Dad's cell phone number? That's probably all you really need. But if it really bothers you all that much, you can write him a letter, send it by certified mail, return receipt requested, stating that he is in violation of the court order. Copy the court order and highlight the relevant section. Tell him that the next time it happens, you will take him to court for contempt.

Of course, only do that if you really are planning to follow through. And I'm not convinced that it's worth doing in the first place. The kids are with their father, so there's a presumption that they're safe.

How old are the kids? You could get them a cheap cell phone to carry with them if they're old enough.

15 months I guess I'm being a bit over protective and vindictive because I'm constantly accused of violating the order when he's blatant about it. I honestly believe his threats to disappear with him are empty, but I've given him an inch before and he took 5 miles. He told me to cancel a trip for my dad's birthday cause he said he'd file contempt because I was 1 day late on the 30 day mark.

Maybe I'll do the letter though and make sure it gets there before the 30days for the Christmas Holiday. And yeah I have his cell number but he adamantly states he won't answer till he feels like it, last time is was 3 days before I got a call back.

But thanks Misto, that's why I came here so I can get an "emotions" check

 

[gr8rn]

Also, does he have family out of state? Chances are, he will be there. If you have phone numbers for his relatives even better.

edited due to age of child

 

[mommyanme]

Also, does he have family out of state? Chances are, he will be there. If you have phone numbers for his relatives even better.

edited due to age of child

Yes but I don't know the city or her name, I just know it's Tennessee. But I'm sure if it came down to it and was needed his Dad would give me the number. Like I said I believe the threats are empty, he's just one of those that if he can he will ignore the order unless I was the one in violation.

 

[mistoffolees]

Yes but I don't know the city or her name, I just know it's Tennessee. But I'm sure if it came down to it and was needed his Dad would give me the number. Like I said I believe the threats are empty, he's just one of those that if he can he will ignore the order unless I was the one in violation.

I should add one comment given the fact that you have 17 years more to co-parent with him. While you'd be perfectly justified in sending the above letter, I would think hard about it. You have a relationship where everyone's trying to 'one up' the other. That creates a risk of escalation. What you really want is a relationship where the two of you can co-parent reasonably well. You're not going to get there by playing legalistic games. You might find that your long term relationship is better if you back off on little things and make sure to do YOUR part to communicate important information to him. He may come around.

 

[Isis1]

OP, i have a similar order.

personally, all i need is a cell phone number and what state he is going to be in. if not out of state, then it doesn't matter. i'm not going to stalk them. if something happens, i'll eventually find out about it.

 

[nextwife]

Wow. So if either of you wants to do a cross border shopping expedition, museum visit, see a show, or get a last minute travel deal you can't? Even on your own scheduled time of possession? People often do days trips out of state at the spur of the moment, heck hubby is "out of state" about three mornings a WEEK, and back in time to pick up kiddo from school at 2:30.

Personally, I don't get what the bid deal is about being "out of state" - why is taking one's kiddo shopping or seeing a play, or dining out in the next state any different than in their state, for example, that makes it something that requires so much advanced notice and planning?

 

[mommyanme]

Wow. So if either of you wants to do a cross border shopping expedition, museum visit, see a show, or get a last minute travel deal you can't? Even on your own scheduled time of possession? People often do days trips out of state at the spur of the moment, heck hubby is "out of state" about three mornings a WEEK, and back in time to pick up kiddo from school at 2:30.

Personally, I don't get what the bid deal is about being "out of state" - why is taking one's kiddo shopping or seeing a play, or dining out in the next state any different than in their state, for example, that makes it something that requires so much advanced notice and planning?

Because that's what dad asked for and its not a day trip according to him its from thur to mon. I gave notice for my dad's bday 1 day late I got a threat for contempt....wanted to go to the beach for a day another threat for contempt

 

[Zigner]

"parents shall notify the other in writing 30 days in advance before taking child out of state and provide the itinerary, addresses and phone numbers of where the child will be staying."

He's providing 30 days notice and he says he's going to provide the balance of the information. With a literal reading of your order, he is in compliance. Your order states that the NOTICE must be given 30 days in advance, but does not give a time-line for the other information.

 

[tuffbrk]

Frankly if you were only 1 day late, and he filed contempt charges? I don't think the judge would appreciate that. You complied with the spirit of the order which is plenty of advance notice. I may be wrong but I would be truly surprised if there were any repercussions for your calculations being off by one day. Frankly, you could file contempt as he has not provided any of the information required with the written notice - but note how you're being cautioned about taking that type of action? That's because ultimately judges want to see successful co-parenting for the benefit of the child(ren).

Just something to think about ...

 

[not2cleverRed]

Wow. So if either of you wants to do a cross border shopping expedition, museum visit, see a show, or get a last minute travel deal you can't? Even on your own scheduled time of possession? People often do days trips out of state at the spur of the moment, heck hubby is "out of state" about three mornings a WEEK, and back in time to pick up kiddo from school at 2:30.

Personally, I don't get what the bid deal is about being "out of state" - why is taking one's kiddo shopping or seeing a play, or dining out in the next state any different than in their state, for example, that makes it something that requires so much advanced notice and planning?

FWIW, I used to have a court order that restricted lil-red to one COUNTY without permission of both parents. It was the judge's idea of being "fair" because I'd expressed concerns about (now ex) husband being a flight risk. Which might be the case here.

Except OP's ex is choosing to interpret it as a way of controlling her.

"parents shall notify the other in writing 30 days in advance before taking child out of state and provide the itinerary, addresses and phone numbers of where the child will be staying."

The question for some people then is what is the meaning of "and".

I do not know how one legally interprets that. In technical writing, that would usually indicate that all the conditions would have to be satisfied, i.e., what OP is averring.

It might not be a hill worth dying on - this time. But it is worth keeping a record of. So that if this looks like it is going to be a pattern, it can be nipped in the bud.

 

[mistoffolees]

Frankly if you were only 1 day late, and he filed contempt charges? I don't think the judge would appreciate that. You complied with the spirit of the order which is plenty of advance notice. I may be wrong but I would be truly surprised if there were any repercussions for your calculations being off by one day.

Note that OP didn't say that ex filed for contempt - only that he THREATENED to file. Sounds like a bluff to me.

 

[LdiJ]

Because that's what dad asked for and its not a day trip according to him its from thur to mon. I gave notice for my dad's bday 1 day late I got a threat for contempt....wanted to go to the beach for a day another threat for contempt

Did you actually CANCEL your trip for your dad's birthday because of that threat for contempt for being one day late on the 30 days notice? I hope not, because the odds of a judge holding you in contempt for being one day late is slim to none.

I also sincerely doubt that you have to give him 30 days notice to go to the beach for a day, even if it does happen to be out of state. I doubt that you even have to inform dad regarding day trips.

 

[mommyanme]

Did you actually CANCEL your trip for your dad's birthday because of that threat for contempt for being one day late on the 30 days notice? I hope not, because the odds of a judge holding you in contempt for being one day late is slim to none.

I also sincerely doubt that you have to give him 30 days notice to go to the beach for a day, even if it does happen to be out of state. I doubt that you even have to inform dad regarding day trips.

Yes I did cancel . I wish I could give a list of the threats and things he's done but it would be to long, I do not doubt he would have filed. An instance of him is writing me a child support check then filing that I altered it and having me investigated for check fraud. Now it goes through the state CS office.

But I do honestly believe that reading from everyone, it is best to leave this one to documentation and that's it otherwise it may instigate more problems for me.