Help to do this correctly

[mommyanme]

I'm handling this as planned but new issue that

is a hill to die on**************....

Ok, ex is out of state with no clue where, no problem, I'll handle it like I was suggested, I've just documented it and that I was told where to stick an address lmao!.

But in the course of the same conversation, Dad informed me his nurse brother(good nurse) and 2 firefighters he knew had checked our sons lungs on his last weekend and the doctors(3 of them) who diagnosed severe acute asthma are wrong and he didn't need breathing treatments so he isn't going to get them.

Here's how I propose to handle it, but when telling my best friend trying to bounce the idea the first words were "take him back to court"**************.....I'm sick of court...so my idea of the first step of having our son's pediatrician call dad, explain the situation, and dangers of allowing an asthma attack to go untreated, or offer an appointment to talk to dad? (Dad is always offered to go to the doctors he chooses not to) I also told dad he is very much welcome at the appointment our son has with a pediatric pulmonologist(sp?) which his pediatrician referred him to. This gives dad a chance to hear it from a doctor, but if he refuses I don't know which direction to go, because this is a 15 month old's health and to me a hill I'm willing to burn alive on.

 

[LdiJ]

is a hill to die on**************....

Ok, ex is out of state with no clue where, no problem, I'll handle it like I was suggested, I've just documented it and that I was told where to stick an address lmao!.

But in the course of the same conversation, Dad informed me his nurse brother(good nurse) and 2 firefighters he knew had checked our sons lungs on his last weekend and the doctors(3 of them) who diagnosed severe acute asthma are wrong and he didn't need breathing treatments so he isn't going to get them.

Here's how I propose to handle it, but when telling my best friend trying to bounce the idea the first words were "take him back to court"**************.....I'm sick of court...so my idea of the first step of having our son's pediatrician call dad, explain the situation, and dangers of allowing an asthma attack to go untreated, or offer an appointment to talk to dad? (Dad is always offered to go to the doctors he chooses not to) I also told dad he is very much welcome at the appointment our son has with a pediatric pulmonologist(sp?) which his pediatrician referred him to. This gives dad a chance to hear it from a doctor, but if he refuses I don't know which direction to go, because this is a 15 month old's health and to me a hill I'm willing to burn alive on.

I know that you hate court, but I don't think that you can take those kinds of chances with your child's health. Do go ahead and see if the doctor would be willing to call dad, but in the meantime you REALLY need to file for contempt for dad not giving the child his breathing treatments.

You may be sick of court, but if anything happens to your child, you will not forgive yourself and you could even be held responsible for dad's idiocy....because you know he isn't going to give the child his treatments.

 

[mistoffolees]

is a hill to die on**************....

Ok, ex is out of state with no clue where, no problem, I'll handle it like I was suggested, I've just documented it and that I was told where to stick an address lmao!.

But in the course of the same conversation, Dad informed me his nurse brother(good nurse) and 2 firefighters he knew had checked our sons lungs on his last weekend and the doctors(3 of them) who diagnosed severe acute asthma are wrong and he didn't need breathing treatments so he isn't going to get them.

Here's how I propose to handle it, but when telling my best friend trying to bounce the idea the first words were "take him back to court"**************.....I'm sick of court...so my idea of the first step of having our son's pediatrician call dad, explain the situation, and dangers of allowing an asthma attack to go untreated, or offer an appointment to talk to dad? (Dad is always offered to go to the doctors he chooses not to) I also told dad he is very much welcome at the appointment our son has with a pediatric pulmonologist(sp?) which his pediatrician referred him to. This gives dad a chance to hear it from a doctor, but if he refuses I don't know which direction to go, because this is a 15 month old's health and to me a hill I'm willing to burn alive on.

The bad news:
You can't really do anything until Dad has harmed the child or violated the court orders. Simply saying that he won't give the breathing treatments won't help you. If he actually stops the treatments, you can go to court.

The good news:
With the kind of medical documentation you have, you should be able to get a court order for him to give the child the breathing treatments - or for you or someone else to do it.

The minute he misses a treatment, I'd be back in court asking for an emergency hearing.

 

[gam]

is a hill to die on**************....

Ok, ex is out of state with no clue where, no problem, I'll handle it like I was suggested, I've just documented it and that I was told where to stick an address lmao!.

But in the course of the same conversation, Dad informed me his nurse brother(good nurse) and 2 firefighters he knew had checked our sons lungs on his last weekend and the doctors(3 of them) who diagnosed severe acute asthma are wrong and he didn't need breathing treatments so he isn't going to get them.

Here's how I propose to handle it, but when telling my best friend trying to bounce the idea the first words were "take him back to court"**************.....I'm sick of court...so my idea of the first step of having our son's pediatrician call dad, explain the situation, and dangers of allowing an asthma attack to go untreated, or offer an appointment to talk to dad? (Dad is always offered to go to the doctors he chooses not to) I also told dad he is very much welcome at the appointment our son has with a pediatric pulmonologist(sp?) which his pediatrician referred him to. This gives dad a chance to hear it from a doctor, but if he refuses I don't know which direction to go, because this is a 15 month old's health and to me a hill I'm willing to burn alive on.

Does the child have to have the breathing treatments on a regular basis or are they just used when the child is having an attack? I am taking it you gave dad instructions, sent the breathing machine with him and the medication that was prescribed to go in it? Does dad have joint legal?

Did you discuss the child's diagnose with dad, the treatment the Dr's were taking and all of that prior to this recent conversation? What was his response then?

 

[mommyanme]

Does the child have to have the breathing treatments on a regular basis or are they just used when the child is having an attack? I am taking it you gave dad instructions, sent the breathing machine with him and the medication that was prescribed to go in it? Does dad have joint legal?

Did you discuss the child's diagnose with dad, the treatment the Dr's were taking and all of that prior to this recent conversation? What was his response then?

Right now they are on a 4-6 hour basis. Yes I sent machine and meds and the instructions were on the prescription and I tried to explain what the doctor said but was being talked over contending he doesn't have asthma. Yes he has joint legal(why????)

I have discussed it all with dad, but a quick history Dad is given appointment dates except the 2 er visits, but he was told the same day all by email. He has set a status quo that he doesn't bother with medical issues down to our son had surgery(minor) and never showed up, I had to argue with him to fill the antibiotic ear drops, and so on**************.The status quo is he doesn't come then argues about everything.

Anyway to answer you, he has been told everything offered to go to the pulmonoligist appointment and his answer is still, Brother(nurse) and firefighter 1 and 2 listened to his lungs and he does not have asthma. Our son was in the ER for broncholitis/pnemonia 2-3 weeks ago and again the very next day, both days he was also having asthma attacks, he went to his doctor the 22nd with another attack and each time his pulse ox was never above 92 until after they gave him a breathing treatment at one point in the ER his Pulse Ox was 87.





Ld, the doctor called me back and told me to have Dad call them, they will note if he does and they plan to ask him how he did, the doctor explained to me it is dangerous, but I can not force him to do it. He did tell me though that dad's answers will tell a lot. And you are so right, I would never get over something happening and would blame myself if I didn't try.

Misto, we actually have a place in our order that states. parents will notify the other and provide instructions for therapy for the child and each parent will follow those instructions. Not sure if that was just for his physical therapy or if it can be seen as any therapy from medical to physical therapies?

 

[frylover]

The bad news:
You can't really do anything until Dad has harmed the child or violated the court orders. Simply saying that he won't give the breathing treatments won't help you. If he actually stops the treatments, you can go to court.
The good news:
With the kind of medical documentation you have, you should be able to get a court order for him to give the child the breathing treatments - or for you or someone else to do it.

The minute he misses a treatment, I'd be back in court asking for an emergency hearing.

Little hijack, but it could possibly help the OP.

Misto, I'm curious about something.

I get that mom can't do anything until dad skips a treatment. But, what if Dad were stupid enough to say in court "Well, my brother the nurse says kiddo doesn't have asthma so I'm not gonna give him the treatments." Could the judge take any action against dad then, or still not until dad actually doesn't do it.

(I know, that would be supremely stupid, but I have read posts here about supremely stupid things being done in court!)

 

[mommyanme]

Little hijack, but it could possibly help the OP.

Misto, I'm curious about something.

I get that mom can't do anything until dad skips a treatment. But, what if Dad were stupid enough to say in court "Well, my brother the nurse says kiddo doesn't have asthma so I'm not gonna give him the treatments." Could the judge take any action against dad then, or still not until dad actually doesn't do it.

(I know, that would be supremely stupid, but I have read posts here about supremely stupid things being done in court!)

I agree that would be ridiculously stupid! But too it's proving he's not, that is where I'll have problems. I'm hoping the doctor can appeal to Dad's "Fatherly love" for our son and scare him into understanding how dangerous leaving an asthma attack untreated, is.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Little hijack, but it could possibly help the OP.

Misto, I'm curious about something.

I get that mom can't do anything until dad skips a treatment. But, what if Dad were stupid enough to say in court "Well, my brother the nurse says kiddo doesn't have asthma so I'm not gonna give him the treatments." Could the judge take any action against dad then, or still not until dad actually doesn't do it.

(I know, that would be supremely stupid, but I have read posts here about supremely stupid things being done in court!)

Don't forget the 2 firemen!

And in my town we have a volunteer fire department - so much cheaper than those board certified medical specialists!

 

[gam]

Right now they are on a 4-6 hour basis. Yes I sent machine and meds and the instructions were on the prescription and I tried to explain what the doctor said but was being talked over contending he doesn't have asthma. Yes he has joint legal(why????)

I have discussed it all with dad, but a quick history Dad is given appointment dates except the 2 er visits, but he was told the same day all by email. He has set a status quo that he doesn't bother with medical issues down to our son had surgery(minor) and never showed up, I had to argue with him to fill the antibiotic ear drops, and so on**************.The status quo is he doesn't come then argues about everything.

Anyway to answer you, he has been told everything offered to go to the pulmonoligist appointment and his answer is still, Brother(nurse) and firefighter 1 and 2 listened to his lungs and he does not have asthma. Our son was in the ER for broncholitis/pnemonia 2-3 weeks ago and again the very next day, both days he was also having asthma attacks, he went to his doctor the 22nd with another attack and each time his pulse ox was never above 92 until after they gave him a breathing treatment at one point in the ER his Pulse Ox was 87.





Ld, the doctor called me back and told me to have Dad call them, they will note if he does and they plan to ask him how he did, the doctor explained to me it is dangerous, but I can not force him to do it. He did tell me though that dad's answers will tell a lot. And you are so right, I would never get over something happening and would blame myself if I didn't try.

Misto, we actually have a place in our order that states. parents will notify the other and provide instructions for therapy for the child and each parent will follow those instructions. Not sure if that was just for his physical therapy or if it can be seen as any therapy from medical to physical therapies?

Normally you don't use a breathing machine on a regular basis for asthma, unless something else was going on to. Which is why I asked, as there is more going on. Which actually makes it worse that dad is saying he is not going to do the treatments.

I am sure if child went into an asthma attack, dad would use the machine or call for emergency help, most people who see one move their butt for help. But since there are other issues going on, the breathing treatments are needed on a regular basis.

My 23 month old grandson has been sick for 8 weeks now. RSV, croup, broncholitis, asthma and a double ear infection. He started the breathing treatments between broncholitis and asthma attacks, and he gets them every 4-6 hours and the Ped is not changing that till we have a month of virus, infection and asthma attack free.

All these viruses and infections, clog up the airways with muscus, childrens airways are small to begin with, muscus left sitting in airways, cause further infections and asthma attacks. My grandson was on the breathing treatments before he even had an asthma attack.

Dad needs to get his information from ones who are qualified to make a diagnose and prescribe treatment. Nurses and firefighters are not qualified to do that. I would try and get dad to talk to the Ped, if he won't do that, then how about offering to get another Dr opinion, and let dad pick a qualified Dr. If neither of those ideas work, then your only option is court.

 

[frylover]

Don't forget the 2 firemen!

And in my town we have a volunteer fire department - so much cheaper than those board certified medical specialists!

Funny, Red!

 

[mommyanme]

Normally you don't use a breathing machine on a regular basis for asthma, unless something else was going on to. Which is why I asked, as there is more going on. Which actually makes it worse that dad is saying he is not going to do the treatments.

I am sure if child went into an asthma attack, dad would use the machine or call for emergency help, most people who see one move their butt for help. But since there are other issues going on, the breathing treatments are needed on a regular basis.

My 23 month old grandson has been sick for 8 weeks now. RSV, croup, broncholitis, asthma and a double ear infection. He started the breathing treatments between broncholitis and asthma attacks, and he gets them every 4-6 hours and the Ped is not changing that till we have a month of virus, infection and asthma attack free.

All these viruses and infections, clog up the airways with muscus, childrens airways are small to begin with, muscus left sitting in airways, cause further infections and asthma attacks. My grandson was on the breathing treatments before he even had an asthma attack.

Dad needs to get his information from ones who are qualified to make a diagnose and prescribe treatment. Nurses and firefighters are not qualified to do that. I would try and get dad to talk to the Ped, if he won't do that, then how about offering to get another Dr opinion, and let dad pick a qualified Dr. If neither of those ideas work, then your only option is court.

You sound just like his doctors

They said all of this was triggered by the viruses, which sounds like your grandsons issue too. Thanks!

 

[mistoffolees]

Little hijack, but it could possibly help the OP.

Misto, I'm curious about something.

I get that mom can't do anything until dad skips a treatment. But, what if Dad were stupid enough to say in court "Well, my brother the nurse says kiddo doesn't have asthma so I'm not gonna give him the treatments." Could the judge take any action against dad then, or still not until dad actually doesn't do it.

(I know, that would be supremely stupid, but I have read posts here about supremely stupid things being done in court!)

If he said that in court, the judge could change the custody schedule or order Dad to do the treatments. Judges have a great deal of discretion in cases like this.

 

[mommyanme]

If he said that in court, the judge could change the custody schedule or order Dad to do the treatments. Judges have a great deal of discretion in cases like this.

He's held true. And while he's not saying things in court he is holding steady that the doctors are wrong and even sent me a copy and paste email of what asthma is. He also sent back the exact same amount of albuterol as was sent with him.

Today he texts me saying _____ threw up in the truck I had to turn around and go back home to change him, you need to take clothes to the daycare he is in his pajamas. Then I find out he had the time to take the court order to the doctor's office, but not the baby!

Court it is I guess, he's refusing to do any medical care but I don't know how to do an ex parte request and this isn't going to go quickly over the holidays. So I'll file contempt then possibly modification?

 

[LdiJ]

He's held true. And while he's not saying things in court he is holding steady that the doctors are wrong and even sent me a copy and paste email of what asthma is. He also sent back the exact same amount of albuterol as was sent with him.

Today he texts me saying _____ threw up in the truck I had to turn around and go back home to change him, you need to take clothes to the daycare he is in his pajamas. Then I find out he had the time to take the court order to the doctor's office, but not the baby!

Court it is I guess, he's refusing to do any medical care but I don't know how to do an ex parte request and this isn't going to go quickly over the holidays. So I'll file contempt then possibly modification?

I would talk to an attorney, like yesterday, about the possibility of temporarily suspending dad's parenting time due to his refusal to give the child the required breathing treatments. I would also recommend getting the child to the doctor ASAP. The throwing up could be connected.

 

[mommyanme]

I would talk to an attorney, like yesterday, about the possibility of temporarily suspending dad's parenting time due to his refusal to give the child the required breathing treatments. I would also recommend getting the child to the doctor ASAP. The throwing up could be connected.

I took him as soon as I got off work, his pulse ox was 97 at the time and the Physicians Asst. heard a "mucusy noise" but this was also 9 hours after the fact but she agreed that there was no reason dad showed up tp the office with the court order but not the child. She also said for me to contact DSS since he refuses to seek medical treatment for anything.

The list goes like this
Bloody, blistery diaper rash, I took him to ER at pick up, fever at daycare at drop off I was called for pick up and I left work, this happened 2-3 times. Dropped off with fever 3 times to me, was an ear infection turned double over the weekend, given ENT appt date didn't show, given surgery date threatened to not agree, then threatened to serve me with criminal charges, never showed up. Sent with a minor runny nose on a friday had seen his doctor thursday that I took him too, told dad if it turned green and he ran even a mild fever take him to the doctor, returned monday with a 102 fever and green goo coming out his nose, sinus infection, 1 week later he returned him to me with another fever was a single ear infection. Now this entire episode.

I have a few statements from him that his attorney says "if it's not in the court order he doesn't have to do it"

I'll call about an attorney's help tomorrow.