Hoping for answers

[annefan]

You have gone from inquiring about supervised visitation to liberal allowance of dad returning into the child's life when dad is compelled? Oh boy, are you in for some surprises later, I fear for you.

 

[user13180]

You just dont get it... and thats fine because you have probably never been in a situation like this. I am not just going to allow his father to waltz into his life. I will put up a fight for the supervised visitation.. i will try as hard as I can even though I know I probably wont get it. All I'm saying is that if the man makes that attempt, then it shows a little something.

but lets face it... theres a 99.9% chance I will never hear from him again. And again.... thats HIS lose. Not mine nor my sons.

So... theres nothing to fear about me and my life. Thank you.

Case closed

 

[stealth2]

You just dont get it... and thats fine because you have probably never been in a situation like this.

You might just find yourself very surprised. But whatever.

 

[kbudd]

I agree you made a mistake, but that is what life is all about. The best thing to do is use this as a learning experience.

My mother married a man similar to your ex-boyfriend. The man is my father. He left us at a young age, but my mom never for one minute used him as her crutch (not implying that you are). She took me under wings and used me to help her succeed in life. My mom laways says that she used me to keep her motivated.

I am 23 years old and I just graduated from college. My mom is my best friend, I am a very lucky girl.

You take your children and make them your most prized possession and in the end it will be very rewarding because you did it on your own.

Good Luck!

 

[annefan]

And as I suspected, an emotional issue, not legal.

Why do I expend my energy? Tell me, HomeGuru, where are you?

 

[kbudd]

Why are you so frustrated that I offered her emotional support.? I realize that this will not get her out of her delimma. Maybe it will give her alittle hope.

 

[mikesonlyangel]

Why are you so frustrated that I offered her emotional support.? I realize that this will not get her out of her delimma. Maybe it will give her alittle hope.

I agree, you can't tell me that emotions are not involved in these situations, look how many emotions come out when you go back and read through this thread. Some people get emotional and bossy, others try to be helpful, some try to express caring. We are all just human trying to cope. My father never came around for years, my mother never pressed it, and then when he did come around he abused me, so I can see where she is trying to protect her child. Sometimes you can see what might happen before it does.

 

[user13180]

Thank you KBUDD and mikesonlyangel for your support and understanding... I came on here for advice because I was confused. I was debating on whether to take him for support because as the father of the child he does have that responsiblity, even is he wants to never see the child. All I wanted was to see what the costs would be if I opened the door to allow that to happen.

And mikesonlyangel is right... I am only trying to protect my child.

Of course there are emotions... I was with this man for 6 years...I was proposed to shortly before we made a beautiful child together. And of course I'm pissed off because he bailed when I was 5 months pregnant. Now I'm left to deal with this on my own.

So I'm sorry if this upets you Annefan... but not all of us are lucky enough to be like you and have a heart that is hard as steel and blood that runs cold.

 

[oberauerdorf]

my point is.this guy is just scum. He hasnt made the effort to see his son so I want to know what my legal rights are. . How can I get his parental rights taken away so I wont have to deal with him in the future? I want to nail him for support but I dont want him to get visitation. How can i get supervised visitation? Is there a time frame that goes by with the father not being involved with the child, that terminates his parental rights? If I do nothing, can this guy try to come back 5 years from now (or whenever he has no where to go) to try to establish a relationship with him then and really mess with the childs head?

Just trying to protect the child? You are either a liar, seriously deluded or so screwed up you think "nail him" means you are protecting your child.

Based on your original post, this child belongs as far away from BOTH of you as he/she can get.

But, since this is a legal site, and emotion plays no part in the law, here are your answer (by the way, I doubt you'll hear them since they were already given to you)

this guy is just scum. He hasnt made the effort to see his son so I want to know what my legal rights are.

About the guy being scum? You have none. He has every right to be scum.

About him not making an effort to see his sone? You have none. He has every right not to make an effort to see his son.

How can I get his parental rights taken away so I wont have to deal with him in the future?

You can't. A judge can, however, based solely on what you posted (oh yes, I KNOW, there is ALWAYS more to the story) you do not have sufficient ground to terminate his parental rights, even if you did have that power.

I want to nail him for support but I dont want him to get visitation.

Sorry little girl, the law doesn't allow you to "NAIL" anyone. At the least, IF you ask for support, he will be given visitation, some form of custody AND all the rights you now enjoy as a parent.

The law won't let you play both sides of the street.

How can i get supervised visitation?

That's easy, give him full legal custody and then petition the court for supervised visitation for yourself.

Is there a time frame that goes by with the father not being involved with the child, that terminates his parental rights?

No. There is a timeframe that must pass for abandonment to be a grounds for termination, but in light of recent state supreme court rulings, even that timeframe is subject to change depending on the effort YOU make to contact the father.

Simply put, if you know where he is and have any sort of contact with him, then the clock starts again. And if you are thinking of getting support for this child and he pays even $0.01 a month, then he is 'in contact' monthly.

If I do nothing, can this guy try to come back 5 years from now (or whenever he has no where to go) to try to establish a relationship with him then and really mess with the childs head?

If you do not file for support, visitation, custody or any other court-order, then the easy answer is yes, he can come back anytime he wants and file himself. Even to the point of full legal custody.

As for a father establishing a relationship with HIS child, how does that mess with the child's head? Oh, because you are not in control.

Well sweetie, guess what? The moment you decided to "NAIL HIM" you lost control over everything in that child's life. Now it's up to the court.

So decide on your own.

 

[mikesonlyangel]

now see, I see emotion and sarcasm in that post, so don't tell me it doesn't play a part, I think you ought to get a lawyer and get a copy of his police record and anything else you can use against him and see what measures you can take to be safe. My biological father hadn't been in trouble for years but didn't stop him from screwing up my life, so that may not help either, I wish you the best and sorry that no one here has ever made a mistake and that their perfection has to be used to make you feel badly

 

[oberauerdorf]

mikesonlyangel, no one ever said emotion doesn't play a part in EVERY post that comes here.

But emotion has no place in court. And based solely on what this poster type here, she has only those options listed.

Or would you like to quote any other law that says different?

 

[mikesonlyangel]

I am just saying that everyone says the op can't have feeling, but yet everyone else that answers is allowed to, and like I said she needs to get a lawyer and find out from an attorney in her area what she can do, and then she will have actual legal advice instead of all of us fighting it out in here!

 

[oberauerdorf]

o.k. then of course, she is more than welcome to get a local attorney to tell her the exact same thing that three people have told her here.

But remember, when someone comes on here saying "I want to nail him..." and in the same post "...but I don't want him to have any rights..." she invites what she receives.

Or are you telling me that you believe every word of every post that comes to this board?

If so, let's talk real estate in Arizona....now I have a wonderful bridge...

 

[n_and]

not that I have anything to do with this thread...I just can't resist.

OP ~

If I do nothing, can this guy try to come back 5 years from now (or whenever he has no where to go) to try to establish a relationship with him then and really mess with the childs head?

Apparantly you knew all of this. You knew this guy was a loser, you knew he wouldn't be around, you knew he might come back in 5 years, but oh, wait, there's a 99.9% chance he's gone.

You made your bed, and it's too bad a small child has to lay in it. Why would you bring an innocent child into this mess? Sorry for the lack of legal advice. I just can't bring myself to help you. Read carefully through all of your previous posts, and realize how asinine you sound. You would be disgusted with you, too.

All I can say to you is Good Luck to your poor children.

 

[jlc614]

Sitting back and doing nothing about this could be bad later. I have basically the same situation. My sons BF has had no contact with either of us in almost 5 yrs, my son will be 6 in Aug. I however went to court in the beginning and established Sole custody and he originally had visitation. I went back to court after he disappeared for two years and the Judge terminated his visitation stating that he could come back and request it if he wanted it. My point being that you should at least establish custody.