I do not agree with the laws!

[Brookenstein]

Ok, I'm a little scared to even get on this thread, but here goes.

I am a college educated SAHM to a 6mo and almost 5yr old. My husband now wants a divorce. I am entitled to over $1600 mo child support and could go for alimony as well. However, we have agreed upon $1500/mo because we think we both can survive on that, though it will be very tight for both of us.

I am having to move out of state to my parents so that I have cheap rent. I will still have my brand new car payment which is $500. (I can't sell the car because I would lose money, had I known a divorce was in my future, we wouldn't have bought it. I tired to leave him the minivan and take car and car payment that is only $200/mo for 18 more months, but he said no) After insurance and the carpayment I will have $900 to feed, clothe, and house 2 children. Of course, I will also be getting a job, but that means daycare expense of about $1200/mo.

For those who don't understand why child support costs so much, it's because life is expensive. If I stayed in SoCal I could get low income housing for $650/mo, but that would leave me less than $300 for food, clothing, utilities, etc. If I got a job I would no longer qualify for the low income housing. A regular 2 bedroom apartment here would run at least $1200/mo, daycare here is $1580, even if I found a job paying $30k/year (which would be hard in this market and not working for 5 years) I wouldn't have enough money to pay the bills and provide for the children.

As for letting the dad raise the kids if money is such an issue... dad sees the kids for 5 minutes a day as it is and maybe an hour or two on the weekends (we live together, so its not that,its his choice...). Daycare would cost him more than I'm asking for CS, and the kids will still get quality time with at least one parent (and grandparents) daily. They wouldn't get that living with dad.

I guess my point is not all CP's are out to get unreasonable amounts of $$ for CS. I have no intention to screw him for every penny, but he (and all men) should be accountable for giving his kids a decent life.

 

[Poor and Scared]

The legal aspect of child support is not simply to fill a child belly and make sure noone is sleeping under a bridge.

Child support is designed to assure that the child have similar living conditions at both mom and dad's.

I'm sure what is pissing you off, is that you are feeling you are supporting the ex!

The best legal advice I can offer to anyone ordered to pay child support...think of what is in the best interest of the child and get over it!

It's only money, it's all gonna burn!

 

[Reena9]

You don't get it. He makes more than 100,000 to her! his dad is very weathly and well known and she could have easily found that out. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. She isn't even from this country..someone could have easily told her what she could get. There are those people out there. She works at Jamba juice...100,000 is a lot of money to her and once she found out that his dad is a billionaire, I am sure that sounded really nice too. And, yes, I am calling her a gold digger! Sorry, I am. If he so called "raped" her than why was she calling him all through the pregnacy. We have phone records to prove it. I don't think I would call my rapist, nor do I think I could even have the child if I was raped. Give me a break!
As for forgiving someone for cheating on you...you can't really judge when you haven't been there. Every situation is different and there are plenty of reasons why I am giving him a chance. He made a mistake and many people make big mistakes, but that doesn't make them bad people. That also doesn't mean people can't learn and change...with help of therapy of course.

 

[Rushia]

He helped create a child. He has to support it. End of story.

 

[AHA]

You don't get it. He makes more than 100,000 to her! his dad is very weathly and well known and she could have easily found that out. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. She isn't even from this country..someone could have easily told her what she could get. There are those people out there. She works at Jamba juice...100,000 is a lot of money to her and once she found out that his dad is a billionaire, I am sure that sounded really nice too. And, yes, I am calling her a gold digger! Sorry, I am. If he so called "raped" her than why was she calling him all through the pregnacy. We have phone records to prove it. I don't think I would call my rapist, nor do I think I could even have the child if I was raped. Give me a break!
As for forgiving someone for cheating on you...you can't really judge when you haven't been there. Every situation is different and there are plenty of reasons why I am giving him a chance. He made a mistake and many people make big mistakes, but that doesn't make them bad people. That also doesn't mean people can't learn and change...with help of therapy of course.

That your bf's father has a lot of money has nothing to do with it. It's not the grandfather who is legally bound to support this kid. Is he supporting your bf? If not, then it really doesn't matter since none of them have a right to his bankaccount. If your father in law is a billionaire and your bf is so rich why are you worried about having to use YOUR income for his child support payments? Like it or not, as long as you are with this man, the kid and the support payments are going to be in your life too.

Rape or not, the baby is here. If it was rape, you can count your lucky stars that your bf is still free as bird and not locked up for life. And if your bf doesn't think he's the father, why isn't he getting testing done to prove it?

 

[Reena9]

That your bf's father has a lot of money has nothing to do with it. It's not the grandfather who is legally bound to support this kid. Is he supporting your bf? If not, then it really doesn't matter since none of them have a right to his bankaccount. If your father in law is a billionaire and your bf is so rich why are you worried about having to use YOUR income for his child support payments? Like it or not, as long as you are with this man, the kid and the support payments are going to be in your life too.

Rape or not, the baby is here. If it was rape, you can count your lucky stars that your bf is still free as bird and not locked up for life. And if your bf doesn't think he's the father, why isn't he getting testing done to prove it?

Because some people are just that STUPID to think that if your dad is weathly so must you. His dad doesn't float him money at all. I am worried about the payments because I am worried we will never be able to have a family of our own.
AND there has been a DNA test, however, the police station labs are apparently backed up and this test was done in Sept. (I didn't even know about this then). We have looked into getting private tests done, but because of the allegations his rights are limited, believe it or not. There is absolutely no proof of rape...there isn't even an official charge. They can't even charge him unless it is his child because that is the only evidence...see how stupid it is. So now we have to wait longer to find out if it is his. She hasnt' even filed for child support! Wonder why? If I were her, I would have filed already. I find that very interesting.

 

[AHA]

Because some people are just that STUPID to think that if your dad is weathly so must you. His dad doesn't float him money at all. I am worried about the payments because I am worried we will never be able to have a family of our own.
AND there has been a DNA test, however, the police station labs are apparently backed up and this test was done in Sept. (I didn't even know about this then). We have looked into getting private tests done, but because of the allegations his rights are limited, believe it or not. There is absolutely no proof of rape...there isn't even an official charge. They can't even charge him unless it is his child because that is the only evidence...see how stupid it is. So now we have to wait longer to find out if it is his. She hasnt' even filed for child support! Wonder why? If I were her, I would have filed already. I find that very interesting.

So, maybe she just wanted a baby. It's not impossible.

 

[audster]

Enigma---

To all who "don't agree with the laws": Child support is not meant to represent the barest amount required to eek out an existance for a child. Regardless of under what circumstances a child is conceived, support reflects a percentage of whatever funds would be available to provide for the child were the family intact. Every child is inherently entitled to the best means his TWO parents can offer. Noncustodial parents who whine that the support is cutting into their resources (read: take-out budget) should do what all custodial parents have to do: whatever it takes to provide for their child. Get a better or second job. Under support guidelines, the percentage will not necessarily increase because income does. Pay your expenses and recreate with the percentage that remains after your child is supported -- just like families have to budget.

Are you for real.....would that it is so easy as working more overtime or getting a second job. I have to inform you, and this is indeed from personal experience, that, yes, Child Support will be raised if the CP or the State find out that you have more income. I didn't think that Overtime could be counted as far as figuring CS obligations.....WRONG!!! I was working closer to a 60 hour week to make the bills....and believe me, I don't live extravagantly. Both Cars are well over 10 years old and niether are what i wouild call luxury vehicles (93 Cougar and 91 Caprice). No new furniture, second hand wsher and dryer....you get the idea. Geez, the only reason I have a computer is I know how to build them from spare parts! But, i digress, The CS certainly did go up because she found out how much OT i worked and claimed it was a "signifigant raise in income". Of course, when business slowed and the OT wasn't there anymore I couldn't get a modification (judge said something to the effect of "Well, you proved you are capable of paying that amount so I see no reason to lower it...business may pick up"). It didn't....try living on 200 a week, less whgen a lay off hits. So I tried to get a second job. I thought, hey, the support is getting paid, what the heck. Except because the State was involved and she doesn't work (she's remarried and has managed since 94 to drop about 5 more rugrats) they took the full CS from BOTH CHECKS!!! When i took her to small claims to get some of it paid back i got hit with the old " well, she is a SAHM and it would put undue hardship on her other chidren who aren't involved in this mess". Basically told by the judge "yes this was wrong but we're not going to make her pay you back". So your "suck it up and work harder" theory is a crock in my book.

 

[Reena9]

So, maybe she just wanted a baby. It's not impossible.

You are right, I think that is what she wanted. I just wish she went to a sperm donor instead. I do feel bad for this child. This happens too much in this world...people don't think before they have kids. I swear there should be a class and exam you have to pass to have kids.

 

[Reena9]

Thank You

Enigma---



Are you for real.....would that it is so easy as working more overtime or getting a second job. I have to inform you, and this is indeed from personal experience, that, yes, Child Support will be raised if the CP or the State find out that you have more income. I didn't think that Overtime could be counted as far as figuring CS obligations.....WRONG!!! I was working closer to a 60 hour week to make the bills....and believe me, I don't live extravagantly. Both Cars are well over 10 years old and niether are what i wouild call luxury vehicles (93 Cougar and 91 Caprice). No new furniture, second hand wsher and dryer....you get the idea. Geez, the only reason I have a computer is I know how to build them from spare parts! But, i digress, The CS certainly did go up because she found out how much OT i worked and claimed it was a "signifigant raise in income". Of course, when business slowed and the OT wasn't there anymore I couldn't get a modification (judge said something to the effect of "Well, you proved you are capable of paying that amount so I see no reason to lower it...business may pick up"). It didn't....try living on 200 a week, less whgen a lay off hits. So I tried to get a second job. I thought, hey, the support is getting paid, what the heck. Except because the State was involved and she doesn't work (she's remarried and has managed since 94 to drop about 5 more rugrats) they took the full CS from BOTH CHECKS!!! When i took her to small claims to get some of it paid back i got hit with the old " well, she is a SAHM and it would put undue hardship on her other chidren who aren't involved in this mess". Basically told by the judge "yes this was wrong but we're not going to make her pay you back". So your "suck it up and work harder" theory is a crock in my book.

THank you for that perspective! I agree with you..this is what I am afraid of! This happens time and again where the dad's get screwed. The courts always favor for the mother. It is hard to make a lot of money right now, especially in the bay area. Hope to god you have a degree of something. I have a PHD and I still couldn't fork out $1600 for child support. Child support shouldn't make people go broke.

 

[Rushia]

If she hasn't filed for support yet, then how can she be a gold digger?

 

[audster]

THank you for that perspective! I agree with you..this is what I am afraid of! This happens time and again where the dad's get screwed. The courts always favor for the mother. It is hard to make a lot of money right now, especially in the bay area. Hope to god you have a degree of something. I have a PHD and I still couldn't fork out $1600 for child support. Child support shouldn't make people go broke.

Granted! CS is an obligation....but it shouldn't be an undue burden! CS should be only based on what the NCP can pay! I've said it before and I'll say it again.....If CP must have the CS payment to survive, SAHP in particular (and I've lived through lay offs when wife was still working, so , yes, I've been on the other side of the street and realize that being a SAHP is much harder than punching a timeclock) maybe the CP should throw in the towell and realize kid wouyld be better off with breadwinner!

 

[Enigma17]

I took great pains to word my post carefully. I said the percentage does not necessarily increase according to the Child Support Guidelines, not the amount in which that percentage results.

A lot of mindless rants would be prevented if people read more carefully.

 

[Bitter Mom]

Whose the gold digger here?

Sounds to me like you are the gold digger. Father of the bf is a billionaire? Bf makes $100,000 a yr? Are you sure you're not forgiving him for the money? I think you're just ticked you're not going to have as much $ for yourself. GET OVER IT... He now has a kid. He needs to face up to the reality of parenthood, that includes supporting HIS child. Personally, I don't see why you would want to marry a cheat, other than the money, of course. If this kid is going to be an issue, maybe you should back out now before you get married, have kids of your own and get a divorce. Then you will be mad at the fact that his subsequent child will have an affect on your future childs support. One question for you: Have you EVER put yourself in her shoes as far as having a child and knowing that child is ENTITLED to CS? Come on lady!

 

[audster]

I took great pains to word my post carefully. I said the percentage does not necessarily increase according to the Child Support Guidelines, not the amount in which that percentage results.

A lot of mindless rants would be prevented if people read more carefully.

Oh no, I understood just fine.....but your splitting hairs. Who cares if your paying the same percentage. The CS should not be modified to reflect the higher income. If it is set, then as far as the courts are concerned, that is the childs percentage of what support it had at the time of the seperation. See, by your logic, the NCP woyuld have no chance to better himself. If CS is perpetually going up to match fathers pay then how could he ever start another family if he so wanted. And spare me the usual "he know he has to pay so he shouldn't get remarried/have another kid....ect". No one bats an eye when CP gets remarried and gets prego to avoid going to work! If the current CS is being met and NCP figures on working a little harder to support the second family, then the AMOUNT should remain static...to h**l with the percentage!