I hate it, but I'm back with a new question

[mommyanme]

I like these ideas! Would the phased in reintroduction be to much to ask it be phased in over 6 months and then resume a normal schedule? I'm considering the distance and his inability to make frequent visits.

 

[LdiJ]

I like these ideas! Would the phased in reintroduction be to much to ask it be phased in over 6 months and then resume a normal schedule? I'm considering the distance and his inability to make frequent visits.

Rather than putting a time frame on it you should suggest a schedule, and then say that a minimum number of visits must happen for each phase, before he goes on to the next phase. That way, you do not risk him visiting only once or twice in six months, and then insisting on visits in his community. To be honest, with him being OTR trucker, and based on his lack of effort for the last 18 months, there is a very real possibility that he will make a couple of visits, and then stop.

 

[mommyanme]

Rather than putting a time frame on it you should suggest a schedule, and then say that a minimum number of visits must happen for each phase, before he goes on to the next phase. That way, you do not risk him visiting only once or twice in six months, and then insisting on visits in his community. To be honest, with him being OTR trucker, and based on his lack of effort for the last 18 months, there is a very real possibility that he will make a couple of visits, and then stop.

That's what I'm afraid of him doing. I just don't know how many visits would be fair, I'm trying to keep perspective and S4 in my mind, but the anger of what he did to our son I'm afraid might cloud my judgement on fairness to our son and him adjusting, but at least kids are resilient.

 

[stealth2]

This is not rocket science. If you are okay w/six mos of visits, ask that he be required to do the equivalent of six months of visits. Six months, eow/e = ~12 visits. 4, 4hr visits supervised. 4, 4hr visits unsupervised. 4 overnights. And go from there.

Seriously - start thinking for yourself.

 

[CSO286]

Rather than putting a time frame on it you should suggest a schedule, and then say that a minimum number of visits must happen for each phase, before he goes on to the next phase. That way, you do not risk him visiting only once or twice in six months, and then insisting on visits in his community. To be honest, with him being OTR trucker, and based on his lack of effort for the last 18 months, there is a very real possibility that he will make a couple of visits, and then stop.

This is exactly what I did with LittleCSO's bio dad (I say that now, because my husband has now adopted LittleCSO). Our order stated that he must complete X number of visits in our community in a two year period before allowing Little to travel to see him in his state. (Of course, all that is moot, now.)

 

[mommyanme]

This is not rocket science. If you are okay w/six mos of visits, ask that he be required to do the equivalent of six months of visits. Six months, eow/e = ~12 visits. 4, 4hr visits supervised. 4, 4hr visits unsupervised. 4 overnights. And go from there.

Seriously - start thinking for yourself.

Thanks Stealth I needed that kick I get lost with what I can ask for and what is just being selfish and angry.

 

[mommyanme]

This is exactly what I did with LittleCSO's bio dad (I say that now, because my husband has now adopted LittleCSO). Our order stated that he must complete X number of visits in our community in a two year period before allowing Little to travel to see him in his state. (Of course, all that is moot, now.)

Then that's what I'll do. Thanks to you and LD also. I do really prefer he remain in munchkins life, for his sake, but at the same time he should prove a commitment to him. I just don't have faith in him.

 

[mommyanme]

Ahhhh maybe the end is near?

So the update is, Dad completed a phasing in for Little One(that the judge set himself based a good bit off what I had offered Dad) and things have gone fairly well. I do need to ask a few more questions...

1. Dad moved 3 hours away, judge set a meeting place where I only have to drive 50 minutes. Dad wants me to drive an hour and half down a highway that is known for a lot of accidents and has been under construction for 3 years. Dad has girlfriend completely involved in the transportation and she doesn't like the direction she currently has to go. (Don't get me wrong, she's ok, I like her and Little One loves her and she's much better to deal with) So I am considering a different meeting point that keeps her and I off the worst highways and I don't drive any further then I already am. Is that a fair idea?

2. The reason I won't agree to driving further is Dad's history of disappearing and I do have another child, so what can I ask for and more than likely have included in the modification that will take account of that? I don't like the idea of him disappearing a 3rd time and each time I drive little one to the meeting spot, he gets disappointed. Something to the effect of if he misses so many visits then I no longer have to drive there unless.... I can't think of the perfect wording for it.

3. If he disappears again would it be suitable to have a "phasing" or consequences already added to the order so we don't get where we are ever again, attorney's fees are eating me up, even though I do a lot of my own leg work.

4. I know we talk about over stepping step parents, but honestly if they get married, she is a lot easier to deal with, would I be setting myself up for a headache if I allow her to be the main one I deal with. He is worse in person than on OFW, he physically will try to intimidate me and anyone with me. She's all for little one and doesn't seem to care about his hatred towards me