I hate it, but I'm back with a new question

[mommyanme]

I had to read it a couple of times to truly understand what his proposal was, but his proposal is that he doesn't have to pay child support anymore and you have to meet him half way for exchanges? Is he honestly that clueless about how things work, or does he understand and seriously has no interest in the child?

My honest opinion? He seriously has no interest in our child and just wants out of Child Support. That's the limited version of my opinion, it's actually a very long one.
I've attempted to keep my opinion out of it as best I can, in the spirit of trying to work with him. But rants and BS like this make me want to vomit.

 

[mommyanme]

My honest opinion? He seriously has no interest in our child and just wants out of Child Support. That's the limited version of my opinion, it's actually a very long one.
I've attempted to keep my opinion out of it as best I can, in the spirit of trying to work with him. But rants and BS like this make me want to vomit.

Dad's reply; to my questions, tisk tisk (my name) . from your home to shelby nc is 90 miles m you live in (my town) nc to Shelby nc . lmao amd btw that is not the only way to stop child support .. which is also know as a modification . duh .. see you live right at I85 around 80 some exit not far from Rowan Co. from there to 74 is exit.11 or 10 . also you give you ideas however if its a costly expense forget it .. and if its all about you and benefiting just you forget it . and the amount of time from Fri to monday would stay the same . also every other weekend would also give 182. nights also .. oh btw its not even a year yet as you claim .. lol

I don't even begin to know how to continue trying to work with him!!!

From his home to his proposed pick up/drop off is 65 miles, mine to there is 94. Pick up is between 8:30 and 12, drop off is before 9am, he wants this to remain the same. Problem there is, I have to report to work by 8 am, once our child starts school(august/september 2015 his birthday falls right to start at 5)he must be there by 7:50 am I would also hit a major city(Charlotte NC) during rush hour traffic on Mondays. Mind you he was ordered 3 years ago to do all transportation.

 

[mmmagique]

This needs to go back to court. Ask for communication to be done only through My Family Wizard. I bet he won't be sending you those ludicrous messages then. I'd bring them into court if I were you. He's behaving as an arrogant jerk who feels the deck is stacked in his favor. He will find out that he is sorely mistaken. The court may order him to do all or the majority of the traveling (or to pay for it) as he's the one who created the distance, or the court may order the two of you to split it.
He's definitely being unreasonable. Take it back to court and let the judge work it out. You can't work with someone who doesn't want to bend a bit.

 

[LdiJ]

Dad's reply; to my questions, tisk tisk (my name) . from your home to shelby nc is 90 miles m you live in (my town) nc to Shelby nc . lmao amd btw that is not the only way to stop child support .. which is also know as a modification . duh .. see you live right at I85 around 80 some exit not far from Rowan Co. from there to 74 is exit.11 or 10 . also you give you ideas however if its a costly expense forget it .. and if its all about you and benefiting just you forget it . and the amount of time from Fri to monday would stay the same . also every other weekend would also give 182. nights also .. oh btw its not even a year yet as you claim .. lol

I don't even begin to know how to continue trying to work with him!!!

From his home to his proposed pick up/drop off is 65 miles, mine to there is 94. Pick up is between 8:30 and 12, drop off is before 9am, he wants this to remain the same. Problem there is, I have to report to work by 8 am, once our child starts school(august/september 2015 his birthday falls right to start at 5)he must be there by 7:50 am I would also hit a major city(Charlotte NC) during rush hour traffic on Mondays. Mind you he was ordered 3 years ago to do all transportation.

Good lord the guy cannot even count!

At this point, I think you should just tell him that since you obviously cannot come to an agreement, that you believe the existing orders should be followed (him providing the transportation as ordered) unless he wants to take it back to court himself, to let the judge make the decision.

 

[mommyanme]

This needs to go back to court. Ask for communication to be done only through My Family Wizard. I bet he won't be sending you those ludicrous messages then. I'd bring them into court if I were you. He's behaving as an arrogant jerk who feels the deck is stacked in his favor. He will find out that he is sorely mistaken. The court may order him to do all or the majority of the traveling (or to pay for it) as he's the one who created the distance, or the court may order the two of you to split it.
He's definitely being unreasonable. Take it back to court and let the judge work it out. You can't work with someone who doesn't want to bend a bit.

Our communications are already through Our Family Wizard, so yup he would be sending ludicrous messages like that.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I believe, when communicating with difficult people, that less is more. Continue to limit yourself to factual, unemotional replies, like your other one. HE can blather on, he WILL blather on, but so long as you are just providing clinical, factual, responses, there will be that much less for him to work with in his blathering. After all, you know he will misinterpret and twist anything from you. If it's something other than emotional blathering, just state:

"According to the order, <file #>, <whatever it says that differs from his meandering suggestions>."

Or some other short, succinct statement.

I too, am amused at his idea that child support should be 0'd and that you share the cost/time of travel. (Hey, my difficult ex would agree with yours.)

Just do not feed into his need to engage you...

 

[mmmagique]

Our communications are already through Our Family Wizard, so yup he would be sending ludicrous messages like that.

Wow. He's got some nerve.

 

[mommyanme]

Update...headed to mediation after Dad's 18 month absence

Alright, so in the 18 month absence Dad has moved more than 3 hours away and I am trying to think of a fair reintroduction and long distance plan. Any ideas? For the reintro the attorney and I have said most definitely with a therapist to help S4 be introduced again after the 18 month absence. The rest she has asked me to think of, which is fine, it saves me my fees if I do the leg work. Give me some ideas would be great!

 

[LdiJ]

Alright, so in the 18 month absence Dad has moved more than 3 hours away and I am trying to think of a fair reintroduction and long distance plan. Any ideas? For the reintro the attorney and I have said most definitely with a therapist to help S4 be introduced again after the 18 month absence. The rest she has asked me to think of, which is fine, it saves me my fees if I do the leg work. Give me some ideas would be great!

What is the impetus for you having an attorney involved at this point? Has dad filed something? I don't even want to discuss ideas without knowing what has happened since you were last here.

 

[mommyanme]

What is the impetus for you having an attorney involved at this point? Has dad filed something? I don't even want to discuss ideas without knowing what has happened since you were last here.

Dad's child support was raised significantly and he and his attorney began harassing me the same day about letting him have S4 whenever he pleased and threatening contempt if I didn't hand him over when they said so, they also told the child support case worker that they wanted the new support order temporary pending a "Change in Custody", at that point my attorney of record filed for a modification of our custody order based on a change in circumstances that our order no longer practical for either party.

So listed in a nut shell;

1. Dad has not been involved or seen S4 since June 2013, all he has done is send emails on OFW that he "is working can't pick up son". I have offered to change the arrangements several times over the last 18 months and have gotten several different nasty responses.

2.Dad has also changed jobs in the last 18 months and is now an OTR truck driver.

3. Dad now lives 3+ hours away

4. S4 has been placed on Clonidine and behavior modification therapy due to a diagnosis of a sleep disorder, ADHD with impulse control in September 2014. I did notify Dad through OFW of his pending evaluations and diagnosis, he never replied or asked questions until last week. His only response was "so he's begun mental problems since you've had control of him"

Not much else has happened since I was last here except that Dad nor his family have remained involved in S4's life after I have offered.

 

[LdiJ]

Dad's child support was raised significantly and he and his attorney began harassing me the same day about letting him have S4 whenever he pleased and threatening contempt if I didn't hand him over when they said so, they also told the child support case worker that they wanted the new support order temporary pending a "Change in Custody", at that point my attorney of record filed for a modification of our custody order based on a change in circumstances that our order no longer practical for either party.

So listed in a nut shell;

1. Dad has not been involved or seen S4 since June 2013, all he has done is send emails on OFW that he "is working can't pick up son". I have offered to change the arrangements several times over the last 18 months and have gotten several different nasty responses.

2.Dad has also changed jobs in the last 18 months and is now an OTR truck driver.

3. Dad now lives 3+ hours away

4. S4 has been placed on Clonidine and behavior modification therapy due to a diagnosis of a sleep disorder, ADHD with impulse control in September 2014. I did notify Dad through OFW of his pending evaluations and diagnosis, he never replied or asked questions until last week. His only response was "so he's begun mental problems since you've had control of him"

Not much else has happened since I was last here except that Dad nor his family have remained involved in S4's life after I have offered.

Ok, so dad is now an over the road truck driver so that limits his ability to spend time with the child. Do you have any idea how often his schedule allows him to be home? Typically its about two weekends a month, but sometimes its more.

He needs to start out visiting in your community, with supervision for a period of time (the suggestion of therapeutic visits is a good one). How long that period should be really depends on how often he can do it. Then some unsupervised visits in your community, starting out short and gradually being for an entire weekend (again for how long would depend on how often he could do it) and then eventually visits in dad's community.

Based on dad's recent history with the child I would be inclined not to go with every other weekend as its unlikely that dad would exercise that. I would be more likely to go with one weekend a month, alternating holidays and some extended time in the summer...assuming that dad could be available for extended time.

 

[mommyanme]

Would ROFR be appropriate?

 

[LdiJ]

Would ROFR be appropriate?

No, because the distance between the two of you is too far for ROFR to be appropriate. Its also something that is unlikely to be necessary if dad is required to provide the transportation.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I am going to recommend virtual parenting time to be added to this. Think:
* specified phone calls with times set by Family Wizard 48 hours prior to the phone call (think a range such as dad will call between 6 and 7 pm on a specified time.) Allows you to plan availability, etc. Even if dad is OTR, even HE can plan a stop wherever he may be. For instance, it's in the orders for Wednesday, 6 - 7 unless arrangements are made to change the date and times prior.

* Skype with the same restrictions.

Dad needs to reintroduce again in a safe setting. Have the steps graduated. If he fails to complete, it goes back to the beginning.

 

[LdiJ]

I am going to recommend virtual parenting time to be added to this. Think:
* specified phone calls with times set by Family Wizard 48 hours prior to the phone call (think a range such as dad will call between 6 and 7 pm on a specified time.) Allows you to plan availability, etc. Even if dad is OTR, even HE can plan a stop wherever he may be. For instance, it's in the orders for Wednesday, 6 - 7 unless arrangements are made to change the date and times prior.

* Skype with the same restrictions.

Dad needs to reintroduce again in a safe setting. Have the steps graduated. If he fails to complete, it goes back to the beginning.

I like the virtual parenting time idea, but it may or may not be successful with a four year old...so mom and dad should not get discouraged if the child doesn't take to it right away...and of course, everybody will need the right equipment. Most laptops/tablets are set up for it these days, but dad will need to have one in the truck with him.