I currently live in Pennsylvania with my husband who is active duty army. My question pertains to his divorce. He was divorced in Texas in 2007. Shortly after his ex was remarried into military again. They have a 5 soon to be six year old daughter that they share that his ex was granted custody of due to his carreer. He does have visitation rights however he cannot utilize the time alloted to him due to geograhical issues obviously. He pays the typical Texas percentage for child support which we were wondering if her financial status influences that number at all and what factors played into how much he has to pay. The fact that he is now married to me and I have a son that lives with us that is 5 that he helps support means that his money is of course stretched tighter than it was when he was divorcing his ex. His ex was no dummy and knew he would be leaving TX shortly after the divorce. FYI when they were going through the divorce she was just finishing college with a degree in teaching however she did not have a good paying job yet. But like I said, shortly after the divorce (6 months) she married one of his soilders as well as finished school and obtained a job in the educational field where her annual income increased substancially along with her new husbands annual income. In the current decree she has it stated that my husband my pick their daughter up and return their daughter to the residence of his ex for every visitation. Mind you because of the geographical issues we typically only see his daughter twice a year; usually summer and christmas. The costs of air fair continually mount. We have researched and found that certain airlines will allow a child between the age of 5 and 11 to fly chaparoned by a flight attendent for a small fee. When we told this to his ex she did not agree and refuses to let us do things this more cost effecient way for us. Basically, thus far every time we get his daughter we must buy 3 round trip tickets to be able to fly down pick her up and fly her back home at the end of the visit. My issue was that it states no where in the decree how we pick his daughter up as long as it is from his ex's residence. And in the decree it states that if my ex is not able to be the one to pick his daughter up then he is allowed to appoint a compitent adult to do this for him. The ex still won't agree to it. On top of all this, his ex has now informed us that she, their daughter, and his ex's new husband are moving to alaska as of january because her new husband has been stationed there via the army. Costs for airfair to and from Alaska triples compared to Texas. Now that his ex is moving out of the state that the divorce was held in does that benefit us at all? Because technically she's changing the conditions of the decree by moving his daughter farther away. In our preference we would like the decree modified to state that either his ex must allow his daughter to fly chaparoned so we only have to purchase one round trip plane ticket and we can afford that or if she won't agree to that then, we feel she should have to pay half the fares. For instance we would pay to get his daughter to us and she would have to pay to get her back plane ticket wise. Also we would prefer that since we do not live in the same state that his ex could deliver and pick up his daughter to and from the airport instead of making him find a car and hotel arrangements after already coming the majority of the way to get his daughter. Are the things that we are seeking unreasonable or should I say not in our favor? Or do we have a credible issue that could be reviewed to then in the long run help us? Also how much do people typically spend taking decrees back to court to be modified?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
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I want to modify a decree...
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Hisbabygirl77
Senior Member
Well isnt that one nice big paragraph. Sorry OP honestly I gave up half way through. Would you mind putting it into paragraphs? Im getting old and my eyes so cant handle that
TinkerBelleLuvr
Senior Member
I couldn't muddle thru the post since paragraphs was not the poster's friend. From what I gleened.
Texas doesn't care how much the CP makes - it's based on a percentage of what the NCP makes.
Texas doesn't care that the NCP is now taking care of someone else's child. The NCP doesn't have the LEGAL requirement to do so.
Suggestion is to modify the order to allow for long-distance parenting.
Since the poster's husband moved, the poster's husband should be required to pickup the cost of air travel. Yes, a child can go as an unaccompanied minor on plane once they turn 5. check the rules with the various airlines. If necessary, have that entered into the court order also when modifying.
Texas doesn't care how much the CP makes - it's based on a percentage of what the NCP makes.
Texas doesn't care that the NCP is now taking care of someone else's child. The NCP doesn't have the LEGAL requirement to do so.
Suggestion is to modify the order to allow for long-distance parenting.
Since the poster's husband moved, the poster's husband should be required to pickup the cost of air travel. Yes, a child can go as an unaccompanied minor on plane once they turn 5. check the rules with the various airlines. If necessary, have that entered into the court order also when modifying.
divona2000
Senior Member
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Ohiogal
Queen Bee
Regarding your title -- YOU cannot do anything about your husband's decree.
Dad can request that ex have to pay HALF of the transportation costs.
YOU are not a part of this.
Dad can ask that the mother of his child be responsible for half the transportation costs.
His income plays into how much he has to pay.
The fact is YOUR son has two parents -- you and the child's father who is NOT your husband. Those two people get to support him. YOU can get a job and file for child support from his father.
Good for her.
Dad can go back to court.
So who is your hubby trying to appoint?
Dad can request that ex have to pay HALF of the transportation costs.
Lady YOU do NOT get a preference. YOU are NOT involved with this. YOU are a legal stranger.
YOU are not a part of this.
Dad can ask that the mother of his child be responsible for half the transportation costs.
Ohiogal
Queen Bee
I can boil it down for you
That is FABULOUS! LOL.
Thank you
I'm new to this and I'm only being honest and seeking answers, yes, not only for my benefit but for my husband primarily.
To the posts that actually tried to help me I do sincerely thank you.
For the others, I thank you too, for so honestly BASHING me for the questions and concerns I have. What kind of person YOU think I am is of no concern to me I am simply looking for a finger to point me in the right legal direction if there is one for this case. If all you can do is laugh at someones concerns maybe you should keep your opinions and advice to yourself.
Yes, from a legal standpoint I am a stranger to the situation. Just take all the I, me, we, us, and our and pretend it's my husband saying I because there is nothing that I have asked that he isn't with me on or curious to know about. However, the choices that my husband and I make contribute to OUR new family together as well as our previous families (aka marriages).
The purpose of this thread for US was to find out about which of the parents incomes from the dissolved marriage were taken into consideration when deciding child support, and if things change financially does it change? WE didn't know if it was pertinent to list the fact that my husband has not only me as a dependent but my son as well that OUR combined incomes (as well as my sons biological father) do provide for. I do have a part time job and I am in school full time for nursing.
With his ex we are the ones that try to keep the peace with both sides for the childs benefit. The ex certainly does NOT as she uses the child as a pawn to see how much she can either hurt my husband or make it more difficult for him to be a father by not comprimising with travel arrangements and costs as well as a list of other things. She is the type to go strictly by the decree but only when it benefits her. Most importantly we are concerned with the costs of travel and its difficulties.
Til death do us part as a relationship when kids involved....I'm right there with you but it's a two way street just like the marriage. There should be compromise depending on what is in the child's best interest.
Good for her is right when she set up the decree the way she did when from a legal aspect 9 times out of 10 its about who can screw who and not about what is right. We don't argue or dispute the fact that child support is a must and it isn't of main concern. But we do want our facts straight.
For the question who is he going to appoint for picking his daughter up, it would either be one of my family members like my mother/father or one of his friends that the wife knows.
I'm new to this and I'm only being honest and seeking answers, yes, not only for my benefit but for my husband primarily.
To the posts that actually tried to help me I do sincerely thank you.
For the others, I thank you too, for so honestly BASHING me for the questions and concerns I have. What kind of person YOU think I am is of no concern to me I am simply looking for a finger to point me in the right legal direction if there is one for this case. If all you can do is laugh at someones concerns maybe you should keep your opinions and advice to yourself.
Yes, from a legal standpoint I am a stranger to the situation. Just take all the I, me, we, us, and our and pretend it's my husband saying I because there is nothing that I have asked that he isn't with me on or curious to know about. However, the choices that my husband and I make contribute to OUR new family together as well as our previous families (aka marriages).
The purpose of this thread for US was to find out about which of the parents incomes from the dissolved marriage were taken into consideration when deciding child support, and if things change financially does it change? WE didn't know if it was pertinent to list the fact that my husband has not only me as a dependent but my son as well that OUR combined incomes (as well as my sons biological father) do provide for. I do have a part time job and I am in school full time for nursing.
With his ex we are the ones that try to keep the peace with both sides for the childs benefit. The ex certainly does NOT as she uses the child as a pawn to see how much she can either hurt my husband or make it more difficult for him to be a father by not comprimising with travel arrangements and costs as well as a list of other things. She is the type to go strictly by the decree but only when it benefits her. Most importantly we are concerned with the costs of travel and its difficulties.
Til death do us part as a relationship when kids involved....I'm right there with you but it's a two way street just like the marriage. There should be compromise depending on what is in the child's best interest.
Good for her is right when she set up the decree the way she did when from a legal aspect 9 times out of 10 its about who can screw who and not about what is right. We don't argue or dispute the fact that child support is a must and it isn't of main concern. But we do want our facts straight.
For the question who is he going to appoint for picking his daughter up, it would either be one of my family members like my mother/father or one of his friends that the wife knows.
Ohiogal
Queen Bee
LEGALLY there is NO YOU involved.
I was trying to help you.To the posts that actually tried to help me I do sincerely thank you.
For the others, I thank you too, for so honestly BASHING me for the questions and concerns I have. What kind of person YOU think I am is of no concern to me I am simply looking for a finger to point me in the right legal direction if there is one for this case. If all you can do is laugh at someones concerns maybe you should keep your opinions and advice to yourself.
I was pointing you in the correct legal direction.
YOU do not matter. YOU need to take all the I, me, we, us and our and REALIZE (not just pretend) that this is YOUR HUSBAND's ISSUE!
Nope. Your husband does not have YOUR son as his dependent. Legally your son is the dependent of you and his father. Use of the term biological father is rude and ignorant. If you can't make ends meet then you need to get a full time job and go to school part time in order to provide for YOUR son. YOUR son does not matter to what dad pays to support HIS child.
And I told you what HE could do. You can butt out.
Mom does not have to compromise at all with you.
YOU have no facts in this matter. Dad needs to go back to court.
YOUR family members are NOT the child's family members.
Why?
Ohiogal why are you so ugly in refrence to my questions. It's obvious you have a bias on what I'm trying to get at here. My husband is not computer savy and that is why i am on line he is beside me asking these questions...We don't make all the money in the world. We would like to be somewhat prepared for what we are getting into before he takes this back to court.
I am not pretending anything so you make the wrong assumption of what I have told you. THE POINT IS I AM TRYING TO FIND ANSWERS FOR HIM IN WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE LEGAL ISSUES HE IS PRESENTED WITH. Instead of putting me down for not phrasing something perfectly although its obvious you understand what I am getting at YOU SHOULD LEARN SOME BETTER PEOPLE SKILLS.
I am online researching these topics to better our family. Regaurdless of what you say about how much i don't matter....from the aspect of what is between him and his ex you are right. However the him and I that form our current family, I am very much a part of that everyday life and decision as you as a human being very well should know.
And ecxcuse me what is the proper term for biological father? Real dad? I don't see how one is more ignorant than the other...it is what it is...
I thought you were the one with legal knowledge..If I'm not mistaken anything in the court of law involving a minor always puts the minors best interest FIRST...not the mothers or the fathers.
If a mother will obey a divorce decree and demand a father to obide only to tweak things when they are needed for her advantage then deny him his right to have someone pick his daughter up that is legally compitent and board her on a nonstop flight straight to him that is nowhere forbidden in his decree I don't understand why a mother is able to deny a father this and instist that he must pay triple the amount necessary every time he wants to have a visit from his daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's manipulative and uncalled for.
IN THE DIVORCE DECREE IT IS NOT DESIGNATED THAT A COMPITENT ADULT MUST BE A FAMILY MEMBER.
May I ask what is the legal definition of a compitent adult?
Here is the legal definition i found off line
Competent adult--an individual eighteen years of age or older who is neither a party to the action nor an employee or a relative of a party.
at website PA Bulletin, Doc. No. 99-850
Ohiogal why are you so ugly in refrence to my questions. It's obvious you have a bias on what I'm trying to get at here. My husband is not computer savy and that is why i am on line he is beside me asking these questions...We don't make all the money in the world. We would like to be somewhat prepared for what we are getting into before he takes this back to court.
I am not pretending anything so you make the wrong assumption of what I have told you. THE POINT IS I AM TRYING TO FIND ANSWERS FOR HIM IN WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE LEGAL ISSUES HE IS PRESENTED WITH. Instead of putting me down for not phrasing something perfectly although its obvious you understand what I am getting at YOU SHOULD LEARN SOME BETTER PEOPLE SKILLS.
I am online researching these topics to better our family. Regaurdless of what you say about how much i don't matter....from the aspect of what is between him and his ex you are right. However the him and I that form our current family, I am very much a part of that everyday life and decision as you as a human being very well should know.
And ecxcuse me what is the proper term for biological father? Real dad? I don't see how one is more ignorant than the other...it is what it is...
I thought you were the one with legal knowledge..If I'm not mistaken anything in the court of law involving a minor always puts the minors best interest FIRST...not the mothers or the fathers.
If a mother will obey a divorce decree and demand a father to obide only to tweak things when they are needed for her advantage then deny him his right to have someone pick his daughter up that is legally compitent and board her on a nonstop flight straight to him that is nowhere forbidden in his decree I don't understand why a mother is able to deny a father this and instist that he must pay triple the amount necessary every time he wants to have a visit from his daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's manipulative and uncalled for.
IN THE DIVORCE DECREE IT IS NOT DESIGNATED THAT A COMPITENT ADULT MUST BE A FAMILY MEMBER.
May I ask what is the legal definition of a compitent adult?
Here is the legal definition i found off line
Competent adult--an individual eighteen years of age or older who is neither a party to the action nor an employee or a relative of a party.
at website PA Bulletin, Doc. No. 99-850
LocalRocket
Member
I am new here myself, but I read a LOT of posts before I posed my own question. If there is one important thing to learn about this forum and family courts in general, it’s that the priority is for every child to have meaningful contact with BOTH "biological" parents. Another priority is that the child's time with each parent be regular, not sporadic, and not disruptive to their routine. It is strongly suggested that step parents or significant others do not post on behalf of their spouse, but if you must, please realize that the significant other/new spouse is never included in “we” when posing a legal question. In your own home, it may very well be "we", and that’s ok, as long as you remember to phrase it differently when asking for advice on someone else’s behalf. And it’s a big no-no for the significant other to say anything disparaging about the other parent.
When people here tell you that you are the legal stranger and have no say in matters, they aren't trying to be mean to you. They are preparing you for the fact that you will not be involved in any legal proceedings, and one of your family members is very unlikely to be named the "competent adult" for transportation. OhioGal may have sounded harsh, but she is only letting you know what WILL be the perspective taken by the court. Trust me when I say that it's not just you being singled out. ANY step parent or significant other who posts threads on behalf of their "other" and proceeds to insult the child's other parent (and if you read the forum, this happens every 3rd post if not more often than that) will be reminded of their "place" legally.
Even if you feel that mom uses the daughter as a pawn, try to realize that this is your opinion -- mom probably loves her daughter very much. Five years old is very young to fly alone. Why does your husband need to buy 3 tickets instead of just two? Do you need to go along for some reason?
When people here tell you that you are the legal stranger and have no say in matters, they aren't trying to be mean to you. They are preparing you for the fact that you will not be involved in any legal proceedings, and one of your family members is very unlikely to be named the "competent adult" for transportation. OhioGal may have sounded harsh, but she is only letting you know what WILL be the perspective taken by the court. Trust me when I say that it's not just you being singled out. ANY step parent or significant other who posts threads on behalf of their "other" and proceeds to insult the child's other parent (and if you read the forum, this happens every 3rd post if not more often than that) will be reminded of their "place" legally.
Even if you feel that mom uses the daughter as a pawn, try to realize that this is your opinion -- mom probably loves her daughter very much. Five years old is very young to fly alone. Why does your husband need to buy 3 tickets instead of just two? Do you need to go along for some reason?
Ohiogal
Queen Bee
If you want to be prepared then you will LISTEN to me. You will COMPREHEND what I am stating to you. Because I spend more time in court than pretty much ANYONE ELSE that posts to this part of the forum.
Actually you wanted us to pretend that you were not referring incorrectly to things:
This is NOT the place for let's pretend.
My legal and people skills are just fine. Your comprehension is what is lacking. I don't have to pussyfoot around you and be all sweetness and light in try8ing to pound it into your thick skull how wrong you are. I don't have the time to make you feel good and give you an ego boost.
LEGALLY you matter not. LEGALLY you can only hurt.
The term is DAD. The child only has one dad. Stepparents are NOT to be called mom or dad.
True. And you are not. You are putting you and your husband first and YOU are not a party to this.
How many times has your husband filed a MOTION to show cause? How many times has your husband paid for an airplane ticket for the child and others and sent one of HIS relatives to pick up the child? Your relatives are NO ONE.
Maybe. What has he done about it.
Your family members may very well be excluded.
And that is not going to be accetable. Because quite frankly that is for service issues and what not. It is NOT for the best interests of the children. Dad's relatives should be involved. YOURS should not be involved. And I can see mom having all of YOUR relatives excluded from transporting the children if dad is not around. Why? Because they are NO ONE to the child.
ok...
LocalRocket thank you for the way you have explained things. I should have read other posts before posting my own, yet i didn't. There is so much on this forum I only quickly viewed a few before starting to post my own.
I understand what you mean about "we", the way you phrased it hit the hammer on the nail with what my point was and I do understand legally to my husbands daughter and to his ex wife me and my family mean nothing.
I do not try to put his ex down but as well as it may seem bias how do you specify the ill treatment she dishes him? His ex does love their daughter very much there is no doubt there but it shows in her actions that her daughters best interests are sometimes offset for her own. His ex has such a grudge that she wont even refer to my husband as "Dad" to their daughter. She calls him by his first name when tallking to their daughter so that when he does get his time with her she calls him by his first name and when she (his daughter) talks about her stepdad she is calling him dad or daddy like it's second nature. When asked why she won't call the step dad by his first name she responded with " they don't let me call him that".
All my husbands family lives in PA where we are stationed. All he has in TX is friends or my family that can help out. He does know friends that were mutual friends of him and his ex wife that would help out that his daughter is familiar with as well.
And yes 5 does seem young to be flying alone mind you she will have turned six by christmas which is when we wanted her to start flying alone. Then again laws are all here for a reason as well as rules and limitations as that of the airports. WHy would they set their age limits btwn 5 and 11 if it wasn't used? Ideally my husband would love to pick her up everytime if we had that kind of money floating around. Everyone knows what the economy is like so I feel it is ignorant to say work two jobs don't go to school as ohiogal has when maybe things aren't that simple for someone. We are trying anything and everything we can do to better our lives and the lives of our children. There is always cicumstance and reason.
For instance the reason my husband must buy 3 round trip tickets is because he has to fly from PA to TX to pick up and drop offf his daughter and she has to have a round trip of her own to get here and back. So two tickets are for him. One to pick her up and one to take her home. Typically we have only done this for summer since we moved to PA because he has her for 42 days then. Usually for Christmas we fly down to TX, my husband , myself and my son. Which is still 3 round trips but its our vaca.
My husband has one more question and I'm going to write it how he asks it to save confusion with the I we me stuff. He asks:
"This christmas according to my decree I was suposed to have my daughter from the day after Christmas until JAN 3. My ex's new husband has been stationed in Alaska (army) and my ex and our daughter will be going with him. They report in the first week of JAN. Because of this my ex has changed the days I can have my daughter for christmas. Instead of trading me my days for hers she has told me I can have her Dec 10-17. For one this takes away a holiday for me which would have been New Years. For two the reason she won't give me her christmas days which would be from the day after she's let out of school until Christmas day, is because my ex wants to use this time to visit with her family with our daughter before they move. Is this legally fair? I am her father, don't I legally take presidence over my ex's family? Is my ex able to change the dates of custody of our decree without my consent?
LocalRocket thank you for the way you have explained things. I should have read other posts before posting my own, yet i didn't. There is so much on this forum I only quickly viewed a few before starting to post my own.
I understand what you mean about "we", the way you phrased it hit the hammer on the nail with what my point was and I do understand legally to my husbands daughter and to his ex wife me and my family mean nothing.
I do not try to put his ex down but as well as it may seem bias how do you specify the ill treatment she dishes him? His ex does love their daughter very much there is no doubt there but it shows in her actions that her daughters best interests are sometimes offset for her own. His ex has such a grudge that she wont even refer to my husband as "Dad" to their daughter. She calls him by his first name when tallking to their daughter so that when he does get his time with her she calls him by his first name and when she (his daughter) talks about her stepdad she is calling him dad or daddy like it's second nature. When asked why she won't call the step dad by his first name she responded with " they don't let me call him that".
All my husbands family lives in PA where we are stationed. All he has in TX is friends or my family that can help out. He does know friends that were mutual friends of him and his ex wife that would help out that his daughter is familiar with as well.
And yes 5 does seem young to be flying alone mind you she will have turned six by christmas which is when we wanted her to start flying alone. Then again laws are all here for a reason as well as rules and limitations as that of the airports. WHy would they set their age limits btwn 5 and 11 if it wasn't used? Ideally my husband would love to pick her up everytime if we had that kind of money floating around. Everyone knows what the economy is like so I feel it is ignorant to say work two jobs don't go to school as ohiogal has when maybe things aren't that simple for someone. We are trying anything and everything we can do to better our lives and the lives of our children. There is always cicumstance and reason.
For instance the reason my husband must buy 3 round trip tickets is because he has to fly from PA to TX to pick up and drop offf his daughter and she has to have a round trip of her own to get here and back. So two tickets are for him. One to pick her up and one to take her home. Typically we have only done this for summer since we moved to PA because he has her for 42 days then. Usually for Christmas we fly down to TX, my husband , myself and my son. Which is still 3 round trips but its our vaca.
My husband has one more question and I'm going to write it how he asks it to save confusion with the I we me stuff. He asks:
"This christmas according to my decree I was suposed to have my daughter from the day after Christmas until JAN 3. My ex's new husband has been stationed in Alaska (army) and my ex and our daughter will be going with him. They report in the first week of JAN. Because of this my ex has changed the days I can have my daughter for christmas. Instead of trading me my days for hers she has told me I can have her Dec 10-17. For one this takes away a holiday for me which would have been New Years. For two the reason she won't give me her christmas days which would be from the day after she's let out of school until Christmas day, is because my ex wants to use this time to visit with her family with our daughter before they move. Is this legally fair? I am her father, don't I legally take presidence over my ex's family? Is my ex able to change the dates of custody of our decree without my consent?
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I would like to listen and comprehend but that is made difficult when put on the defensive because of unnecessary harshness. It is just as easily said "when asking questions for or about your husband pertaining to his previous marriage and its adjoining factors do not include yourself in the matter because in a court of law you are not included." That would be an honest, true, and respectful response.
I stated this to make my point that we both understood what I was trying to say but I do realize you do not know me and it must be hard to answer questions concisely without the full picture and ultimately in your blunt and disconcerning way that is what you are trying to do.
Giving attitude and talking to people like they are crap does not pound anything into their heads. This is the last place I would come for an ego boost. I admit that I am ignorant to certain things, I wouldn't be human otherwise. That is why I'm here asking questions....obviously not the right ones.
Is that a legal fact?
Ultimately the questions my husband seek are for the best interest of his daughter. For any child if both parents are competent then it benefits the child for them both to be involved as much as possible. Due to my husbands military carreer as he is in his 11th yr now it does give high demands that make being able to do all the things he wants to with and for his daughter more complicated for both of them.. such is life. But I also believe that when neither parents live in the state that the divorce was final in there must be some legal altercations due to this available to better balance the care and support for the child so that both parents can offer their best for their child. If both parties have moved since divorce was finalized why should one party be more responsible for travel costs than another?
My husband has filed no motion yet...that's why he is asking questions before he starts throwing money out there. He has never sent his relatives because they live just as far away as he does and that would defeat the entire purpose of saving money. And since he has moved from TX a little over 2 yrs ago he has bought 1o round trip and a 1 way tickets for 4 visits. Last summer we drove down to TX and back for vaca and picked her up for visitation. he only had to fly her home.
What is the legal definition for competent adult in this case then. I need legal answers that are going to help me, not only explanation of how wrong I am but what the right thing is.
I've been reading more and more posts and members can straight up tell people exactly why and how wrong they are on some of the things they post and make them feel like idiots about it to boot however they seem to be lacking in the advice area on what the right way legally to do things may be. Is circumstance a big part in this yes, but direction can still be given.
I am not an idiot and I refuse to be treated like one. It would be nice if you and I could start from scratch instead of continuing a pissing match. I do value your legal opinion and I'm not asking you to sugar coat your response. I only ask for respect that I assume you would ask for as well.
Hisbabygirl77
Senior Member
YES it is a legal fact that steparents are not to be called mom or dad. Go ahead let the child call you it and see how much grief your spouse gets in court.
Its not a matter of definition of a competent adult its a matter of your husband proving the ex is NOT competent. Let me rephrase its up to a Dr/Judge to find that she is not.
You state you dont want your responses sugar coated well congrats thats what you got. You are not a party to any matters legally. Just dad is and when you act like you are a party to the legal matters it hurts your husbands case. Step back and let him deal with these matters. Love your step child sure. Support you husband of course. But no your place its better to hear it said on this forumn than for your husband to hear it in court.
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