I want to move!?

[littlestlulu]

What is the name of your state?
I live in New Jersey and would like desperately to move with my daughter to pennsylvannia purhaps, to continue my education so that i can get a better job and provide a better life for her.
i am the custodial parent, my ex gets to see her....pretty much when ever he snaps his fingers, usually one over night per week not exceeding 24 hours, his choice...but it's ok by me!
when she comes home she is not the same little girl as the one that left. i feel like i have no rights in this situation and am very upset and worried for the welfare of my daughter.
can anyone help? is there some advise out there for me?
i don't know what the legal rules are or how to find them.
thnaks so much
-littlestlulu

 

[Boxcarbill]

What is the name of your state?
I live in New Jersey and would like desperately to move with my daughter to pennsylvannia purhaps, to continue my education so that i can get a better job and provide a better life for her.
i am the custodial parent, my ex gets to see her....pretty much when ever he snaps his fingers, usually one over night per week not exceeding 24 hours, his choice...but it's ok by me!
when she comes home she is not the same little girl as the one that left. i feel like i have no rights in this situation and am very upset and worried for the welfare of my daughter.
can anyone help? is there some advise out there for me?
i don't know what the legal rules are or how to find them.
thnaks so much
-littlestlulu

What is your concern for the "welfare of your child"? Is it that PA has a job opportunity and/or education opportunity which are not available to you in NJ? Or is your concern that the father is exercising regular contact with his daughter ? Why do you feel as the custodial parent that you have "no rights in this situation." As you know or should know, anytime any one has a child, there is a lot of compromise in the parents' life for the child. That compromise doesn't change because the parent's get divorced.

 

[purpledragon]

I am in the same boat. My daughters father and his family have court ordered visitation every other weekend and every wednesday, and they are taking me back to court for more visitation time this week. I finish my aa degree this spring, and there are no job opportunities anywhere around here. I am going to have to move to get my BA degree, but I know they will fight it all the way. I feel as though I am in prison here, and I won't be able to better our lives anymore than I already have. It is very frustrating. It seems as if the nc parents have more rights. He can move if he wants too and not have to worry about it. It is a hard situation.

 

[Naturalmom]

Isn't amazing that is so.... The courts are so worried about maintaing "the realtionship" with the ncp. But they truely don't impose upon the NCP the same rules. I know my ex boyfriend has threatened me that he wuld have it ordered that I could not move more then 50 miles from his residence. Doesn't matter that he harressed me out of my house that I had to sell it(we lived in the same neighborhood).I cannot afford a house in this area of NJ but NY is just five minutes from here and the hoops that I would have to jump through are incrediable. But lets bring up the fact he is on second warrent for non payement of support or that fact that he is contempt of vistation order that he is suppose to make her available during sunday am two hours but is not,Iam the CP and have more rules put upon me where as they can come and go, Frankly it is a control thing to them and they will keep excersising it til the child or the courts tell them to go pound salt

 

[bugaboo]

You women need to grow up

"I feel like I'm in prison here", "the ncp has more rights", "it's a control thing"...

Give me a break!

PURPLEDRAGON/LITTLESTLULU: You feel like your in prison? What about your child if you move? You would be taking away her RIGHTS to have a loving relationship with her father!

PURPLEDRAGON:"The ncp has more rights"..Really...Do YOU pay child support to your EX and not have any say whatsoever on how the money is spent? Are you on a VISITATION SCHEDULE and only get to see your child on certain days at certain times? No, You get to see your child daily, you get to help him/her with the homework, kiss all their boo boos, take them to school, tuck them in bed each and every night...And you say the ncp has more rights... PAAALLLLEEEEESSSSEEE!!!!!!!

NATURALMOM: "it's a control thing", Yeah your right...it's the courts and the mothers controling when, where, why, and how the father can see his child! The father has EVERYRIGHT to request that you stay in the area! Why? Because he KNOWS that once you move you will NOT help him with the transportation costs ("you want you pay to come and get them"), you will start to limit his visits (we're busy...), you won't answer the phone when he calls (sorry we weren't home)...You women have got these poor fathers by the balls and you refuse to let go.

Oh! and lets not forget the support...heaven forbid the dad should be struggleing for money and can't pay his support to YOU every once in a while...just because " he is on second warrent for non payement of support", that makes him a bad father? I don't think so...all that shows is money grubbing wenches who run to the court house if they don't get their monthly check! And give me a friggen break, NATURALMOM..."he is contempt of vistation order that he is suppose to make her available during sunday am two hours but is not" all that was was you attempt in controlling his visitation...Let me guess you want her to go to church...DURING HIS VISITATION TIME!!! You people amaze me.

As for the original post...find a job where your at...stop thinking about yourself. If dad doesn't want you to move (for obvious reasons), he has that right. And give me a break,,,you fear for your childs welfare? What's wrong, he doesn't dress her the way you would? He doesn't cook like you do? He lets her do things that you wouldn't? Well, sweetie...WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF DIVORCE. Your not going to like how your ex does things...Get used to it...that is why he is an EX...but don't start that sh*t about child welfare and safety...that's just a bunch of crap so you can get the courts to agree with what you want to do.

I'm so sick of reading all these damn posts about the mothers trying to control the fathers and move their children away, and take away the fathers rights...It's truely sickening!!

 

[Naturalmom]

Lets get a few things straight about theses wenches. First of all get off your high and mighty as* because you spout so much sh** . Next I pay the bulk of the fair for this child "we are responsible for" even with his pitunce of a support . I would love to have all his boy toys that he has purchased after our split, I would love to hide my income under the table and cry poverty but I cannot , WHY because iam responsible for her welfare her moral up bringing ,her mental and physical health. As for contolling about sunday mornings he doens't give one hoot about god or any beliefs and matter of fact when question by the police where he was " my mother brought her to church" not him someone else. So get off yourself because frankly this site and all the crap the angry posters like yourself I have read from people over the years has turn this sight into garbage. No wonder the people who when I first came on this site years ago have since stopped posting a reponse nor putting there situation out . Where is the people like Amber, Icollins, grandmaB where have all those good ones gone.

 

[bugaboo]

I don't spout sh*t, I see things/people for who and what they are. I think about the children...Who gives a rats ass about the child support...Custodial Parents that's who. they could care less if the fathers get to see their child...just so long as they get their money. It's stupid. It's stupid that CP's think they are all mighty god and can control when the dad see's his kids. It's stupid that they put a dollar amount in comparison to a fathers love.

What about the children. They don't care who pays what...they only care that they have BOTH parents that love them, in their lives. Who cares that dad bought toys after you split...he probably did it to piss you off. And as far as hiding his money...your right. It's sad that he has to hide what he makes cuz if he doesn't, you CP's will just drag him back to court for MORE MONEY...You don't care that he has to live in poverty or can't move on with his life, just so long as you get your money.

And just so you know...when I say "you" I'm not talking you specifically, I'm talking about CP"S.

And...If it weren't for people like myself out there who actually give a damn about the children....My god, what would happen to our children. They would all be fatherless.

 

[purpledragon]

ok bubaboo, I would rather not reply to you because ignorance is bliss, but I will go for it anyways, being sure you will become outraged. You think you know all about my situation, but let me enlighten you. My little girl was allowed to go and visit her father anytime he wanted her, he paid NO SUPPORT, and he wasn't even there. It was always her GRANDMA who came and picked her up. It was her GRANDMA who called and asked for her. When she was in the hospital for a week, he never even called to check on her, never visited her, anything. They asked for her one time, we had planned a family outing, and I told them we had plans. Well, over comes his girlfriend, of who I got along well with, and she egged my car, took my daughter out of my arms, and tried to fight with me while holding my daughter. I didn't say anything, I just went inside and closed the door. She took my daughter that day because I didn't want to fight. I avoid that kind of drama, it is not good for the kids. IT was at that time that I decided it would be best to stick to the court order. That way, we could avoid any future problems like that. This site is for advice, not slamming. We all need to stick together and help each other. Maybe someone can make me see a different point of view, or I could help someone see a different point of view. The kids are important here, and my daughter deserves a good future. The town I am in is very small, and Mcdonald's can't support me and my 2 kids. They deserve better. I should have the right to assure they have a good future, right???? I would never move them across country, I plan to stay close and I have done everything I can do to get along and do the best for my kids. Fighting and badmouthing do not fit here. I accept being told I am wrong, if I truly can see that I am. I sure don't deserve to be talked to like you talked to me, and either does anyone else. GROW UP.

 

[bugaboo]

ok bubaboo, I would rather not reply to you because ignorance is bliss, but I will go for it anyways, being sure you will become outraged. You think you know all about my situation, but let me enlighten you. My little girl was allowed to go and visit her father anytime he wanted her, he paid NO SUPPORT, and he wasn't even there. It was always her GRANDMA who came and picked her up. It was her GRANDMA who called and asked for her. When she was in the hospital for a week, he never even called to check on her, never visited her, anything. They asked for her one time, we had planned a family outing, and I told them we had plans. Well, over comes his girlfriend, of who I got along well with, and she egged my car, took my daughter out of my arms, and tried to fight with me while holding my daughter. I didn't say anything, I just went inside and closed the door. She took my daughter that day because I didn't want to fight. I avoid that kind of drama, it is not good for the kids. IT was at that time that I decided it would be best to stick to the court order. That way, we could avoid any future problems like that. This site is for advice, not slamming. We all need to stick together and help each other. Maybe someone can make me see a different point of view, or I could help someone see a different point of view. The kids are important here, and my daughter deserves a good future. The town I am in is very small, and Mcdonald's can't support me and my 2 kids. They deserve better. I should have the right to assure they have a good future, right???? I would never move them across country, I plan to stay close and I have done everything I can do to get along and do the best for my kids. Fighting and badmouthing do not fit here. I accept being told I am wrong, if I truly can see that I am. I sure don't deserve to be talked to like you talked to me, and either does anyone else. GROW UP.

Well, you were wrong about my becoming outraged, because I'm not. In my first post, I simply quoted what was said by you and the others. I slam you, I slammed what you said, how you said it. Your choice of words. I agree that this board if for people to come to for advice...but if the advice they are seeking involves ripping a child away from their other parent..I will say something because, as you stated.."I avoid that kind of drama, it is not good for the kids." I don't know your situation, and that is the reason I was slamming you as a mother...just your choice of words.
I commend you on your strengths. It truely does sound like you have tried...I haven't read anything from you that stated you are trying to make the dad "go away"...

My anger is towards the women who just don't give a damn and all they think about is the "support". Like I've said before, the money doesn't mean a damn thing when It comes to a childs love or a parents love. I can't stand to read posts that say "how can I GET my ex to sign over his parental rights" and stuff like that...That is why I'm so bitter over situations. there are SO many women (and yes there are a few men that are the same way) who think that they can control when and how the ex see's HIS children.

I agree whole heartedly with you , we need to stick to together. But not in the ways that a lot of women are trying to do...we need to stick together for the sake of our children. Do a search on me...you'll see that I am strictly for the children...Yeah I may rip a few heads off, but look at their topic....for the most part...I give good advice to both men and women.

I'm sorry if I offended you. Like I said, It was not your or your situation personally, it was your choice of words.

 

[sunfun]

littlestlulu- I see what your point is. You just want to be able to give your child more than you can currently. I think it's admirable. I think you should do it. I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all if you do it right.
Make sure you do not take away from your child's father in any way. You can do this by talking to him about your plan and setting up a new visitation schedule. Make sure you also agree to split the cost of the travel. It's not like you are moving out of the country right? How far away will you be by car? How old is your daughter? Is flying an option? Where is the rest of your family and his?
This can work. Just be patient and honest with your ex.

 

[bugaboo]

Alright, Alright...*bows head down* Sunfan, your right...I guess I should have given her a little better "advice", instead I focussed on the other posters. I apoligize to the poster.

I did this for 4 months. I lived in AZ while my children lived in Oregon. I paid to fly down to see them. When they came to live with me...My ex called them, but could not afford to see them. After 6 months of watching the girls hurt...we moved back to Oregon. It can work IF you want it too and NO MATTER WHAT, you make sure your child is not taken from her father.

Go ahead Sunfan..I'm holding my hand out..you can smack me now...

 

[sunfun]

Nah. Violence is not the way of the wise.

So do ya'll notice that everyone seems to be MOVING a lot in these posts? Where is everyone going? I wanna come too!

 

[bugaboo]

LOL, me too, I'm sick of the rain!!! I don't know though. I've lived in CA, SC, AZ, GA, and OR and the job market sucks EVERYWHERE. I don't think moving to a different state solves the financial problems...Least it hasn't been the case for me.

 

[sunfun]

How about the beach? Lay around and get tan while our pool boy JUAN waits on us hand and foot?
Or maybe snow? We could be sittin in a lodge drinking hot cocoa while Sven keeps our fire toasty?

You are right, financially most moves don't make a difference and actually end up costing more than the benefit. But if she's wanting to go to college I think it might be a good move. That might make a difference for a longer period of time.

 

[Whyte Noise]

OK, I'm gonna go right down the middle on this one and state some facts.

First off, no state in our union prevents the custodial parent from moving. Not one. Don't believe me? Check your state laws and show me where it says the CP can't move. What can't be moved without prior consent from the NCP or the court is the CHILD. You can move anywhere you wish to, but unless you have followed the laws in your state, the child stays.

Second... NCP's are reduced from being full-time parents (as in most cases of divorce) to a part time weekend playmate. Don't believe that one? Look at your own custody or visitation decree. NCP's go from being a 24/7 parent, to having around 8 days a month. IF they are lucky enough to get one night a week. Otherwise, it's a 4 day a month "privilege" to be the parent you once were.

Third... NCP's are ordered to pay CS. OK, fine. No problem. They should support their children just as they did before the "Big D" happened. But, the NCP that pays support gets screwed in that department too. They pay taxes on that CS. The CP gets it tax-free. Doesn't have to report that income. The NCP pays for the support of their children, but gets no tax deduction on their income taxes. The CP gets that. The NCP also doesn't get the EIC credit because the child has to have lived in your home for the entire year to claim that. If they lived in your home, you wouldn't be the NCP. So, the NCP pays out CS, doesn't get the tax deduction because they have to "prove" they provide over half the child's support, and doesn't get the EIC credit because they are the NCP, and that pretty much says you don't have them in your home all year. The CP's get tax-free CS every month, they get the deductions on their taxes, plus they get the EIC credit of up to almost $4,000 in additional money when they file taxes, depending on how many children they have.

Fourth... CP's have CSE and the AG to work for them if their ex's don't pay support. Who does the NCP have to work for them? No one. They have to hire attorney's to go to court for them. CP's get "free representation" in matters to do with CS collection. Call it what you want to, but the fact is that CSE and the AG's office will enforce your CS order. The NCP either has to go it alone, or pay out money they more than likely don't have in the first place, or they'd be paying the CS. (I'm not saying that true deadbeats shouldn't be punished, but statisticshave shown *and if you want to see them, I'll post the data from 2 independent CS collection agencies to back this up* that the reason MOST (not all) NCP's don't pay their court ordered CS is simply because the CS awards were too high, and they can not afford it and be able to have a roof over their own head.)

Fifth... A CP denies an NCP their visitation time. The NCP takes it to the local law enforcement. They won't do a thing to help. Says "It's a civil matter". So, the NCP then has to hire that attorney, or file pro se and pay out the yin yang to see their own children, even though a court order says "You get your kids on X and Y day." All because a CP doesn't want to "allow" them their visitation. The courts simply look at the CP and say "Don't you do that anymore." But yet, if it were an NCP not paying CS, they'd be under the jail. What does this say? Thats the money is more important than the parent/child relationship?

Sixth... a vindictive CP who wants to deny their ex the right to see their children goes to the police station and says, "I'm scared of him, he hurt my kids, I think he might be abusing them, I think he molested them, (insert any other random criminal act directed towards a child.)" and they get a RO on the NCP. No proof needed folks, step right on up! Then, the NCP has to once again hire an attorney to defend against false allegations while the CP once again has free representation.(The DA (prosecutor) that takes the case to trial.) And in this type of kangaroo court, a defendent isn't innocent until proven guilty, he's guilty until he PROVES that he's innocent. It's not up to the CP to prove these allegations, after all, they have a RO against the NCP so they MUST be telling the truth. It's up to the NCP to DISprove them. What a travesty of justice.

These are just some of the things in the world of a CP and NCP. So tell me, just where are the laws more for the NCP than the CP?