motion to modify? Voluntary changes

[angeleyzad]

even if you altenated the kids are not "missing out" they are just doing one thing one time and the other the next

if your family (no matter how big) thinks it is that important they will make adjustments


i know that my family figured it out because it just wasnt gunna happen to get 5 or more court orders (for 5 diff. kids) to all be the same
we have christmas whenever we can figure out that most of the kids will be home...i say most because it ends up a rare thing for all to be home on the same weeknd

That's the thing - it works now...he wants to change it so that it won't work. And, they would be missing out, because every other year, they would not be able to partake in the festivities of one of the families. They are spending time with both families now. It would be different if it was alternating in the beginning, the kids would not have known the difference. But, how do you take those traditions that they are used to away from them. I know that I do not want the boys to stop seeing their dad's family on Christmas, just as I do not want them to stop seeing my family on Christmas.

 

[Zephyr]

is this like "make your kid the center of the universe even at their own expense day" or something?



point is if he asks for it the judge could very well order it, it is a very common scenario

 

[eme76]

That's the thing - it works now...he wants to change it so that it won't work. And, they would be missing out, because every other year, they would not be able to partake in the festivities of one of the families. They are spending time with both families now. It would be different if it was alternating in the beginning, the kids would not have known the difference. But, how do you take those traditions that they are used to away from them. I know that I do not want the boys to stop seeing their dad's family on Christmas, just as I do not want them to stop seeing my family on Christmas.

it works for YOU the way it is

and if it changes the kids will get used to it...as long as you dont make it into a big deal that they are "missing out" they wont either

 

[Ithildriel]

I'll admit I didn't read every post on this thread, but was curious where the exchange took place. Because, if Dad is picking up the kids, while the 2 hour drive may be the same for the kids (of course, actually it would be an additional 2 after the party to get to dad's house) if Dad is picking them up at your house, it is an 8 hour drive that day for him (4 to your house, 2 to xmas party then 2 home.) So just curious where the exchange takes place. Do you drive the kids to Dad's family?

 

[Zephyr]

I'll admit I didn't read every post on this thread, but was curious where the exchange took place. Because, if Dad is picking up the kids, while the 2 hour drive may be the same for the kids (of course, actually it would be an additional 2 after the party to get to dad's house) if Dad is picking them up at your house, it is an 8 hour drive that day for him (4 to your house, 2 to xmas party then 2 home.) So just curious where the exchange takes place. Do you drive the kids to Dad's family?

she said before that dad does the transport**************so yet another way the selfishness is showing-

 

[CJane]

I have never been so glad that no one in my family, or the extended versions thereof, are all hung up on dates on the calendar. Otherwise, we'd never manage to enjoy holidays. Thank the gods that we can all get along, pencil in dates, be flexible, and spread the Christmas (and just about every other) holiday into two or three months of celebrations.

 

[Ithildriel]

she said before that dad does the transport**************so yet another way the selfishness is showing-

Well, then if it really means that much to her to keep the holidays as it is, then maybe she should offer to do the transport every other year, or meet dad half way every year. Since it's all about the kids, don't you know.

 

[LdiJ]

So here are my questions (I know I kind of asked above, but I will ask here to set them apart)
(1) Would a voluntary change in employment (with virtually the same income as before) be a basis for a modification due to major change in circumstances? (I could see if his job moved him, but he sought out this job in a new location)

The judge isn't going to be particularly impressed with him for moving further away from the children, particularly to be with a girlfriend.

(2) Could I be forced to meet half-way because of his voluntary location change? I don't think it should be my responsibility because he changed jobs and locations.

Generally, the parent responsible for creating the distance is the parent who is made responsible for transportation costs. However, its also possible that a judge might feel that the only way to maintain weekend visitation is for you to share the driving. However, if that happens then you are likely to be compensated in the area of child support. He would certainly lose any reductions he has for travel costs.

(3) What is the likelihood that we would have to alternate the Christmas holiday? I do not want to go every other year, or even alternating X-mas eve/X-mas day, as that would mean that the kids loose out every other year in the family traditions.

I think that you are probably going to lose on that one. Your current arrangement is a good one but its not workable with a 4 hour distance. He would be 8 hours on the road Christmas Day....and the kids wouldn't get to really celebrate anything on Christmas Day with dad. However, if he is still going to be spending Christmas in the same location as before (his family's home) then you might have an argument there.

(4) What is the likelihood that he would get the tax exemptions? The judge had ordered that I get them before, and he could purchase them from me. He has not been able to yet because of an arrearage in child support, which will most likely be another year and a half before that is cleared up.

As long as he is in arrears I don't see the judge giving him the exemption. However its possible that the judge would write an order that states that he gets the exemption every other year as long as he is fully current with child support.

I also kind of doubt that a judge will be very impressed with the idea of varying weekends according to his work schedule, with that distance. However, I suspect that the judge would be likely to give him the 6 weeks he wants in the summer.

 

[angeleyzad]

The judge isn't going to be particularly impressed with him for moving further away from the children, particularly to be with a girlfriend.



Generally, the parent responsible for creating the distance is the parent who is made responsible for transportation costs. However, its also possible that a judge might feel that the only way to maintain weekend visitation is for you to share the driving. However, if that happens then you are likely to be compensated in the area of child support. He would certainly lose any reductions he has for travel costs.



I think that you are probably going to lose on that one. Your current arrangement is a good one but its not workable with a 4 hour distance. He would be 8 hours on the road Christmas Day....and the kids wouldn't get to really celebrate anything on Christmas Day with dad. However, if he is still going to be spending Christmas in the same location as before (his family's home) then you might have an argument there.



As long as he is in arrears I don't see the judge giving him the exemption. However its possible that the judge would write an order that states that he gets the exemption every other year as long as he is fully current with child support.

I also kind of doubt that a judge will be very impressed with the idea of varying weekends according to his work schedule, with that distance. However, I suspect that the judge would be likely to give him the 6 weeks he wants in the summer.

WOW!!! Someone that isn't hung up on the Christmas issue!!! Thanks, LidJ, for your thoughts. I appreciate it. Yeah, while the christmas issue sucks, the fact that the father made his choice to move further away from his sons (and closer to his girlfriend...he actually found a job right next door to her, then moved in with her) is something that I feel (and hopefully the judge feels, too) is his responsibility. The Christmas party on his side is still 2 hours away from me, so that part of the drive that the kids have is still the same for that holiday. It's his drive that would be greater, but then again, it is something that he did to himself. That is the big issue...that he knowingly created this problem, and expects me to compensate for it...I bet if it was the other way around, and I moved further away from him, that he would be expecting me to travel...which, if I had made the distance problem, then yes, I would travel. I know that he would refuse to go any further than he already does. I guess I'l have to wait and see what the judge does...but, I am definitely requesting to have the same judge that we had before. That is the judge that denied him everything that he had asked for previously in our divorce. He is already sick of my ex, for petty BS that he pulled the end of last year. That's the thing, too...the ex is pissed that he lost a contempt case...I had filed contempt against him due to nonpayment of child support and not providing me with the address where the kids were when they were with him (after asking him numerous times for both)...I ended up dropping the charges because in court he finally complied. Then, he filed contempt against me for having a medical procedure done on our son...the judge denied that I was in contempt, saying that it was obvious that the ex did it in retaliation of my charges against him. So, the judge (the same one for all of our cases) knows how he is. Again, this can be seen as retaliation for loosing his contempt case against me. So, yeah, I've had some major issues with my sons' father. It sucks. I have tried to get along with him, moving things around for him, but he (or his new GF) are just not happy. They both thought that he would win the contempt charge.

If the ex had stayed in the area (in the state), then I would be sharing in the traveling for the visitation. But, it was his choice to move out of state...I did not force him out. The entire time we were together, we were in my state. It was only after we got the divorce that he moved out of state.

 

[abstract99]

tax exemptions (which we had both asked for, and the judge assigned them to me with him having the option to purchase them from me),

WOAH, and how much does he have to pay to buy it off of you. Are you sure that is how it is? I have never even heard of that b4

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Post the exact language of the custody order where you propose this is entered.

 

[angeleyzad]

WOAH, and how much does he have to pay to buy it off of you. Are you sure that is how it is? I have never even heard of that b4

This is how the judge wrote it out...(and it was the judge that ordered this, we did not agree on it between us, as we had done with some of the issues...this was one issue that was contested, so the judge ordered it)
Word for word...

"Plaintiff (me) shall have the right to claim both childred each year as tax exemptions for federal and state income tax purposes. In each year, Defendant (ex) shall have the option of claiming one or both children for federal and state tax dependency purposes, if Defendant "purchases" the exemption or exemptions from plaintiff by paying her the amount that she would have benefitted if she were to claim the child or children for tax purposes for the applicable tax year. Any "buy out" pursuant to this paragraph must be agreed upon in advance of either party's filings and is payable within 14 days after Defendant's receipt of an income tax refund. If no refund is expected by Defendant, any buy out must be paid prior to the parties' tax filings for the applicable tax year. In order for Defendant to exercise the option in any given year he must be current in his child support payments as of December 31st of the applicable tax year."


So, he would have to pay me what I would have gotten if I had claimed the boys. He would keep the extra. (So, it is beneficial if he were to get more of a refund than me.) So far, he has been in arrears, so he has not been able to do this.

 

[abstract99]

This is how the judge wrote it out...(and it was the judge that ordered this, we did not agree on it between us, as we had done with some of the issues...this was one issue that was contested, so the judge ordered it)
Word for word...

"Plaintiff (me) shall have the right to claim both childred each year as tax exemptions for federal and state income tax purposes. In each year, Defendant (ex) shall have the option of claiming one or both children for federal and state tax dependency purposes, if Defendant "purchases" the exemption or exemptions from plaintiff by paying her the amount that she would have benefitted if she were to claim the child or children for tax purposes for the applicable tax year. Any "buy out" pursuant to this paragraph must be agreed upon in advance of either party's filings and is payable within 14 days after Defendant's receipt of an income tax refund. If no refund is expected by Defendant, any buy out must be paid prior to the parties' tax filings for the applicable tax year. In order for Defendant to exercise the option in any given year he must be current in his child support payments as of December 31st of the applicable tax year."


So, he would have to pay me what I would have gotten if I had claimed the boys. He would keep the extra. (So, it is beneficial if he were to get more of a refund than me.) So far, he has been in arrears, so he has not been able to do this.

Want my advice? Let him take the kids then. The state will take his tax return and give it to you AND he would have to pay you what you would have gotten.

 

[angeleyzad]

Want my advice? Let him take the kids then. The state will take his tax return and give it to you AND he would have to pay you what you would have gotten.

He hasn't ever asked me to buy the exemptions - what he's asking me now is to write it in that he claims one child every year, and I claim the other every year. I did tell him that he can buy the exemptions from me if he's up to date in his child support, but he wasn't happy with that. I am just following the court order. Again, the court order has been fine until now. The major change for him? The new GF. And I am not being vindictive or bitter or anything, it is just the fact. He was fine with it until she came into his life. It seems that she is trying to get him to get the same things that she has with her daughter.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

He hasn't ever asked me to buy the exemptions - what he's asking me now is to write it in that he claims one child every year, and I claim the other every year. I did tell him that he can buy the exemptions from me if he's up to date in his child support, but he wasn't happy with that. I am just following the court order. Again, the court order has been fine until now. The major change for him? The new GF. And I am not being vindictive or bitter or anything, it is just the fact. He was fine with it until she came into his life. It seems that she is trying to get him to get the same things that she has with her daughter.

I would stronly suggest you either settle this issue with the ex or have the court void the particular paragraph as against public policy and issue it's own ruling.

In cases like this, alternating each year or a split deduction allowance.