No-show for visitation (On going)

[thetsgtswife]

I can say that from personal experience that documentation goes a long way in court. Yes you still have to follow the order to a T but by documenting when the other party isnt following thier end of the order you have an ongoing journal to present to the judge and you are organized with your facts which means your not standing there in court stammering trying to prove your case to the judge, its all in writting.

The one thing both of our attorneys, hubbys and mine, have always told us is to document EVERYTHING no matter how trival it may seem at the time, document it anyway because whats trival today, may be huge in a week.

I agree with the others about the police reports and getting store reciepts as well. This will really help you.

GOOD luck to you!!

TSGTSWIFE

 

[thetsgtswife]

Oh and what part of Tennessee are you in?
Im originally from Tennessee!

TSGTSWIFE

 

[casa]

Would I still need to get this in writing even though my mother also attends court each time we go?
rmet4... I created this distance for what I felt was best for all of us and he added to this distance when he moved the other way. The meeting place is still the same so I understand and I take responsibility for providing transportation. The thing about him wasting my gas is because he fails to notify me before canceling the visit or expects me to show up hours or even a day later even though I am there on time each and EVERY time.
What I just can't seem to understand is why is the CP facing contempt for not showing but the NCP can do as they please!?
I just wish the courts would take into consideration that not all NCP's do as they should nor sometimes the CP. They should take each case and look at it ALONE and decide from there.
I should not have to lie to our children each time and give them a good excuse as to why they don't get to go to their dads or if they go with him he does not spend time with them.
I love our children more than anything in this world and everything I do is for them I just wish their father could act the same way and be there for them when he does get the time to spend with them.

Being a parent takes more than sending a damn check in the mail!!!

Visitation is a Right, not an obligation- legally. The reason CPs face contempt is if they don't show, they don't allow the other parent their parenting time. If the NCP doesn't show- it doesn't lessen the CPs parenting time, the children are still with the CP. It's about having access. The CP has custody and that in itself is a privilege above and beyond visitations.

Yes, she still needs to file a sworn statement~ Her being in the court room is only IF anyone calls her to the stand and asks questions- which doesn't always happen. EVERYTHING needs to be in WRITING so that the judge can read it and have knowledge of it. File her statement, any other witness' statements, copies of the reciepts showing you were there on each designated day- along with a declaration outlining his 6 missed weekends and what that equates to in hours the children spend driving and waiting for nothing. A judge needs to SEE the children are spending 4-7 hours for these trips and he is not showing 60% of the time!

 

[LdiJ]

Nope. It's called a court order. It matters not if the ex shows or not. Until such time as the court changes the order it stands.

I think that the point of the documentation would be to be able to demonstrate to the judge that there is a need for the order to be changed. The documentation helps to demonstrate that.

For example, a judge certainly wouldn't require her to be there at 6 pm and wait until 9 pm for him to arrive....the more documentation she has of the times when dad has done this the more likely she will be to convince the judge to make changes.

We also need to remember that they BOTH created the distance. She moved to KY, but he moved to GA.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

The problem you face is that you created the distance, in turn the very problem you complain about. Your reasons for creating the distance may justify your actions in your mind but when an objective observer or judge considers it based on the facts it is a different story, including what you lead your children to think about their father and why you want to control his time with his children. If you had not moved it would have been different. Bottom line, what ever your intent, you made this problem and now you have to live with it.

 

[casa]

The problem you face is that you created the distance, in turn the very problem you complain about. Your reasons for creating the distance may justify your actions in your mind but when an objective observer or judge considers it based on the facts it is a different story, including what you lead your children to think about their father and why you want to control his time with his children. If you had not moved it would have been different. Bottom line, what ever your intent, you made this problem and now you have to live with it.

rmet~ Her moving was addressed in court by the order reflecting she is to provide her portion of the transportation. The issue Now is that the father is not showing up for visitation- The mother has nothing to do with the father not showing up.

 

[momof2boys1girl]

Happened to me.

I agree, being there before, I was advised to document everything, then I refiled w/ family court to change the visitation to still 1/2 and 1/2 but having HIM pick them up at my residence and I retrieve them. This way if he don't show up I'm not out and it's his call to forfeit or not. I did this w/ just free legal aid in my state family court and it only cost me the $ of continuing to try and meet him there and him no show or be hours late. WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN. I must say I was suprised to see that it's not evidence, my judge had always agreed to see and take into account my journals, calanders, and anything else I wrote down, I was never told it was not evidence. Good luck to you. Let us know how things pan out.

 

[pissedoffmom]

Thanks for the feedback and Thank you Casa.

rmet... I have taken responsibility for my move and I show up there each weekend and for the scheduled holidays. I also have to sit our children down and lie to them stating that maybe their dad was sick or just working late as to why he did not show up. This is something I would NOT have to do IF he would just show up there. I am sorry that you see this as a way I am keeping my children from their father but that is how I confort my children when they cry because they can't have that time to spend with him or their brother. As far as me controlling his time, this time was appointed by a judge NOT myself. All he has to do is show up and the children are there waiting on him.
And as far as me moving that really has no basis since he moved as well.

So basically I would still be having basically the same problem even if I had not moved except for it would have been cheaper. This still would not have made it right to take the time away as far as going there and sitting and waiting with no response from him. Yes he is a problem that I have to deal with for the rest of my life because he is the father. I just pray that one day he will see that they should not have to sit around waiting on him to figure out weither or not he wants to be their "daddy" or not. I am a full time mommy so how hard is it to be daddy every other weekend at least?

Before you go replying again. Note I am trying my best to involve the kids into his life and he is the one not complying. My kids love their dad and if they wish to be a part of his life then I won't stop trying until they are happy. After all is that not what a good mother does for their children?

By the way rmet... since you are so smart. What should I tell my children when they ask me why is it that their daddy has all the time in the world for their baby brother but yet he can't even show up to get them 2 weekends out of a month.

 

[pissedoffmom]

Is there anyone that knows possibly how or where I can go to see if it is possible to obtain help from legal aide? I am close to Clarksville TN. if that helps. Thanks and I would just like to thank all of you for the helpful advise and I plan on keeping everything documented if for no other reason than to cover my own rear. Thanks once again.

 

[thetsgtswife]

Is there anyone that knows possibly how or where I can go to see if it is possible to obtain help from legal aide? I am close to Clarksville TN. if that helps. Thanks and I would just like to thank all of you for the helpful advise and I plan on keeping everything documented if for no other reason than to cover my own rear. Thanks once again.

What county do you live in?

TSGTSWIFE

 

[pissedoffmom]

Christian County/ Montgomery County

 

[thetsgtswife]

Contact:

931-572-1663

this is the Child support services office for Montgomery county and they can tell you if there is legal aid available for you and how to contact them.

TSGTSWIFE

 

[rmet4nzkx]

rmet~ Her moving was addressed in court by the order reflecting she is to provide her portion of the transportation. The issue Now is that the father is not showing up for visitation- The mother has nothing to do with the father not showing up.

I know there is a court order that she has to pay the cost of transportation. That's not the point. The point is that when they lived close together he didn't visit. If she had done nothing, she would have the upperhand, by moving away, she put the ball in his court because he can insist that the children be available for visitaiton, but can't be forced to visit, since she moved so far away, if he is late due to work or traffic there is not the opportunity for flexibility and since she doesn't want her children left with his family during his time, he can't send someone in his place for the exchange. This whole visitation game is just that and an excuse for other issues. By moving away she open her self up for contempt by interfering with visitaiton, which was more than likely happening when they lived closer together and may also have to do with his new relationship and family.

 

[pissedoffmom]

Thanks TSGTSWIFE I will definately check into that to see if there is any help I can get.

RMET.. again I say if you would actually go off of what is actually happening instead of you ASSUMING that I am like those women who MUST control everything that happens to their kids. I am NOT like that. Hell I just don't see as to why IF he is to be late or plans on NOT showing why it is so difficult for him to call me in advance and let me know. As for now I had been calling him to assure that he would be comming. He cursed me for calling him and said it was none of my buisness. Just to know that I HAVE to be there at 6 and I HAD to wait until he arrived. Be that a few hours later or even on sat or sunday. This is HIS words NOT mine. I have now started calling him on my way home and for the last few times I have called him around 7 when I start to leave the place of exchange and he tells me he may be there @ 9 or so but I still had to wait on him. He has not offered for his family to pick the children up from me but he has ask that I drop the children off with his mother. In which I am NOT court ordered to do. I have offered to meet him at a later time if need be due to work or a GOOD reason. Not just to hear "You had better show up and stay there until I get there or your ass will go to jail".
Hello are you actually reading this post or just figure since I am female that I am keeping the father out of their life. I don't know what sort of warpped things are going on in your mind as far as these issues are concerned but I ask for advice on MY situation not on what people assume or what others do.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I read your posts and not assuming anything other than what you have written. I am looking at the whole picture, objectively, not just your point of view. You have an issue with you ex MIL. If you had not moved then he would be creating the distance. If you don't want to wait, when he can't make it, take them to the MIL she is close to the sxchange place, don't blame it on the judge for making the order. Is there something in your order that forbids the children from contact with their grandmother? If the court order doesn't say anyting he can ask that you exchange with her if you don't want to wait if he is delayed, instead you have complained that they even have contact with her. If he lives with or closer to their younger brother, then of course he will be with him more than them because they are with you.