No-show for visitation (On going)

[rmet4nzkx]

well I am sorry if I have offended you "r", that course of action has worked well for me in the past, if you have different advice to offer the op, please do so, normally even if I don't agree with what you are saying I can see where you are coming from, but in this thread you have yet to offer a constructive piece of advice, I just see a lot of opinions and judgement coming from you, what would you recommend the op do?

Many of your responses do not address the question or facts in evidence. You have your own agenda and thus project your belief system in your response, it has nothing to do with the law.

The law is objective, my job is to evaluate and make reports to the courts, I am an expert witness, of course I'm not liked by parties who don't find their interests upheld. That is why, expert witnesses are given quasi judicial immunity.

Your suggestion has no relevance without a court order. I did give constructive advice, it is advice op doesn't want to take because that would make snese and be in the best interest of her children. She claims she wants her children to have a relationship with his children, but does what she can to interfere with it, because she has issues with her ex MIL.

 

[Zephyr]

rmet- from what I read she does not like the idea that kids go to mil, but she does nothing to stop it either, dad has never asked for her to drop kids off there, she already waits hours to maintain the opportunity for the kids to see their dad, she does the drive as ordered, and goes above and beyond (*granted* from what we have read) her responsibilty ends there, dad is obviously capable of picking up a phone and making other arrangements if he is running late or can't make it, I just didn't understand where your anger over the situation came from, this is not a court and hopefully no one here is trying to screw anyone over. but you just kind of pounded her, for what to me looked like no good reason

 

[rmet4nzkx]

What you conveniently forget to mention is that the judge will also consider the fact the "dad" doesn't show up until he wants to. You have got to be crazy to think that he is right here. The judge will look at what is in the childs best interest. None of us really know what is going on here, but you seem to only side with the dad. It is obvious what your issues are. I am not saying that she should with-hold the kids, or that other arrangements can't be made, but you are only looking at one side. It can not possibly be in a childs best interest to sit in a car for 5 hours, only to have to come back the next day. The children are what comes first!!!! Why can people not see that? This is a sticky situation, and she must follow the court order, but that doesn't mean that she can't try to change it either!!!!

It doesn't matter if dad shows up late to exchange the children, there is no language in the order that requires him and only him, to the exclusion of other family members, to be there and or to pick up his children at or within 30 minutes of 6 pm, the law allows for reasonable flexibility, and the order has no restrictions.

It is reasonable that if and or when dad is unable to pick up his children, since it is his time, that they be exchanged with the ex MIL at his request, but the mom refuses to do that, so not only did she make the distance but she is also responsibile for waiting for dad many hours in the car.

This is a game to both parents, to some extent, but because mom moved first and dad got the order, until it is modified, mom will be held in contempt if she doesn't present the children, if there is a delay, all she has to do is exchange them with grandmother, there is no need to wait 5 hours in a car. Mom may want to play the marytr or the wronged woman, but a judge will look at it with an objective eye.

 

[amiegaines654]

REASONABLE FLEXIBILITY is the key word, but obviously you are not reasonable.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

P'd off mom, just make sure you keep your records. Rmet seems to always side with the rude parent or the one who is disrepectful with the courts and the children. Regardless right now until you change your order you have to keep doing the every other weekend bs with the dad. Call that number for free legal aid, get a court change in visitation, you can at least file the paperwork sometimes it can take weeks to get court dates. Keep it all in writing!! Getting the receipts for a pack of gum, etc...is wonderful advice. Good luck.

I don't take sides, if you look, depending on the facts, the best interest of the children, the law and court orders, my responses may be for one parent or the other, it has nothing to do with the sex of the parent or who is rude. The problem is that defensive posters usually don't have a leg to stand on and don't like hearing that. It is better they hear it here than in court.

If I were wrong, there would be regulars who would challenge me. I don't always personally agree with how it pans out, I still have to base my advice on the facts and the law. I get thank you's all the time from people who didn't like what I had to tell them here but then saw and understood why I had to give that advice.

 

[Zephyr]

you may be right, it may be a game to both, but BOTH are also equally responsible for communicating about transfers...however, if a reasonable person is going to be late for an appointment, they call to cancel, reschedule or make other arrangements. to not do so is rude and childish, and in this case hurtful to the children.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

rmet- from what I read she does not like the idea that kids go to mil, but she does nothing to stop it either, dad has never asked for her to drop kids off there, she already waits hours to maintain the opportunity for the kids to see their dad, she does the drive as ordered, and goes above and beyond (*granted* from what we have read) her responsibilty ends there, dad is obviously capable of picking up a phone and making other arrangements if he is running late or can't make it, I just didn't understand where your anger over the situation came from, this is not a court and hopefully no one here is trying to screw anyone over. but you just kind of pounded her, for what to me looked like no good reason

Yes, she has objected to his request that she take them to MIL, that is why they wait in the car, she says she won't without a court order ofrcing her to do it.
Early on she stated, "have my reasons for the children not staying with his mother but I respectfully will not say. Lets just put it this way. She lost all 3 of her children while raising them and she is no better now.......the NCP's grandmother and aunt lives beside his mother where he drops them off and they have had to feed the children and they called me complaining asking why I was allowing them to go with them not having anything to eat......He has not offered for his family to pick the children up from me but he has ask that I drop the children off with his mother. In which I am NOT court ordered to do. I have offered to meet him at a later time if need be due to work or a GOOD reason. Not just to hear "You had better show up and stay there until I get there or your ass will go to jail"."

See? He is offering a reasonable altenative and she is refusing to do it, choosing to sit for hours in the car, claiming she wasn't ordered to do it. In fact, the order doesn't prevent it. She disagrees with the wording of the order and doesn't think it fair rather than petitioning for modification because she knows she won't win. She can document all she wants, all it will do is prove his case. More than likely there is a good reason he doesn't want her to know where he lives.

 

[pissedoffmom]

Well I have posted what is going on and you can believe it to be the truth or not. You never stated if you were in fact a male or female and I assumed you to be a male. Wo0oah My bad.. As far as the OP he refuses to discuss ANYTHING with me. I have tried and tried to get him involved in our children's life. Even when he would not call or show up for weeks or months at a time I would personally take the children to HIS families homes so that they could see them. This was because that's what the CHILDREN wanted. The thing of his mother is a totally different story. Yes she is their grandmother but that does not mean that I am legally responsible for taking them there when he does not comply with his end of the visitaion. Besides the fact that his family members have actually contacted me before stating that He had ask them to pick up the children. I took the children to our meeting place and NO ONE showed. I even went as far as to take the kids to THEIR (his families) home and they said they did not wish to take the children because they had things to do and for all they knew he would not even come there to get them. WHAT TO DO THEN
That night in particular I waited until 7pm. I drove by there and had his family member call him to ask if he would come on to that town and get them. He said that I could wait there and MAYBE he could get there before 10pm! I DONT THINK SO. As I have stated before I am willing to meet him at a later time IF need be. I will NOT sit there for hours on end on a "MAYBE I WILL BE THERE".
As far as this being a game to me that is a crock of ..... This is our childrens lives and to be totally honest I am so sick of him playing them like pawns.
By the way... how do you expect someone to react when I am dealing with all this bullsh.t and I come here to ask for advise and all i get from you is that I AM CAUSING THIS? DEAL WITH IT. Thanks alot. As I said before you are seeing me as many you have dealt with before. IF you REALLY knew sh.t about this you would understand that ALL cases are DIFFERENT.

 

[LdiJ]

Ok....I see this one differently than Rmet....not just based on this thread but on others. I am not saying that I am absolutely right and Rmet is absolutely wrong....just that I see a different scenario.

Dad, (and apparently grandma) had nothing to do with the children for a year prior to mom moving to KY.

Dad didn't even NOTICE when mom moved to KY...and then dad moved to GA shortly afterwards.

Dad got hit up on child support issues and the went for visitation enforcement. Mom got ordered to provide transportation to TN...which makes complete sense.

Mom believed that dad wasn't actually exercising visitation and has some issues with grandma's fitness. (apparently possibly valid ones) Mom believed that dad was just paying lip service and leaving the kids all weekend with grandma....mom started insisted that dad be present for pickup....dad retaliated by insisting that mom show up at 6 PM and be there until dad showed up....my take is that dad has no more real interest in visitation than he did before he noticed that they moved.....and wouldn't show if not required to show.

It also appears that mom's extended family lives in the area as well...therefore there is no valid reason why mom can't wait at her family's home for a pickup time.

Yes...its possible that mom could be ordered to drop the kids off to grandma whether the ex ever shows or not. However that establishes a legal precedent that mom has every right to fight.

 

[pissedoffmom]

Yes you are right. While we lived 5-10 minutes away he still would not show up or even call. His mother would stop by MAYBE once a month to catch what was going on just to go back and twist things around starting trouble.
I had him taken back to court for non-payment of child support. He then went to jail atleast 3 times over this but never spend over 10 days all together. I told him that he should atleast pay what he could (He was working for around $9.50/hr CASH and his child support obligation was $80/week) and that he needed to try to start getting visitation because the kids wanted to spend some time with him. My son actually had problems going with him because he was so young at the time and it had been so long since he had even saw him. While in court I ask the judge to ask him if he would start picking up the kids again for visits. The NCP then stated that he tried to get them but I always refused. This is and was not correct but this is when the judge advised me to either be there or be faced with contempt. My ex took that as I had to be there @ 6 and STAY there no matter what time he showed or I would be charged with contempt. I guess he thinks since he has went to jail that it is my time.

See we don't have a lot of money and since apparently he can't seem to make it there by 6 or any other specified time. I had offered to stay at my mothers with the children so she could see them while we wait on him. I just do not wish to have our children(4 & 6) out at all hours of the night. It takes me about 2 hours to drive there. Sometimes less but sometimes more. SO as you can see it would be VERY late for a 4&6 yr old to be getting home. I don't even have a problem per say with them going to his mothers for maybe an hour or so but the problems in the past is what I am worried about. Besides that, he has and would just leave them there and leaving me to be the only one comlying with our orders. I am not out to control his life I just want him to step up and be a dad and quit depending on everyone else to take care of our kids while he goes and does whatever. All they ask for is every other weekend. They deserve that much at least.

As far as knowing his address goes, I feel I have every right to know where our children are just as he has the right to know where they are with me. Maybe I am wrong and please someone let me know.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Yes you are right. While we lived 5-10 minutes away he still would not show up or even call. His mother would stop by MAYBE once a month to catch what was going on just to go back and twist things around starting trouble.
I had him taken back to court for non-payment of child support. He then went to jail atleast 3 times over this but never spend over 10 days all together. I told him that he should atleast pay what he could (He was working for around $9.50/hr CASH and his child support obligation was $80/week) and that he needed to try to start getting visitation because the kids wanted to spend some time with him. My son actually had problems going with him because he was so young at the time and it had been so long since he had even saw him. While in court I ask the judge to ask him if he would start picking up the kids again for visits. The NCP then stated that he tried to get them but I always refused. This is and was not correct but this is when the judge advised me to either be there or be faced with contempt. My ex took that as I had to be there @ 6 and STAY there no matter what time he showed or I would be charged with contempt. I guess he thinks since he has went to jail that it is my time.

See we don't have a lot of money and since apparently he can't seem to make it there by 6 or any other specified time. I had offered to stay at my mothers with the children so she could see them while we wait on him. I just do not wish to have our children(4 & 6) out at all hours of the night. It takes me about 2 hours to drive there. Sometimes less but sometimes more. SO as you can see it would be VERY late for a 4&6 yr old to be getting home. I don't even have a problem per say with them going to his mothers for maybe an hour or so but the problems in the past is what I am worried about. Besides that, he has and would just leave them there and leaving me to be the only one comlying with our orders. I am not out to control his life I just want him to step up and be a dad and quit depending on everyone else to take care of our kids while he goes and does whatever. All they ask for is every other weekend. They deserve that much at least.

As far as knowing his address goes, I feel I have every right to know where our children are just as he has the right to know where they are with me. Maybe I am wrong and please someone let me know.

Your story changes and changes.... A judge will look at the facts, so I suggest you learn to work together on visitation and don't play games, either of you. There is no problem taking them to a family member if he is delayed due to work, you don't have to wait for hours in a car. There is nothing in the order preventing you from taking them to grandmothers, or do you enjoy this game too much?
from Feb 2005

Tennessee,
I am the CP of a 6yr old girl and 4yr old boy. My ex has accused about every male I know of molesting my children since he can't find any loop holes to find me unfit. He hardly ever sees our children and only pays child support once threatened with jail time. There is one man that my ex has worked for since he was 13 (he is now 28) that my daughter sees as a grand father. She visits him just as she would if he were her grand dad. My ex has since stopped working for this man and sees this as a threat because since he did not take time to spend with her this man does. My ex seems to think that I send her to his home to get rid of my kids.
Personally I think that a child can never have enough people love them and care for them. I have had both our children checked out by a doctor because of his MANY accusations of child molestation and they are fine. Yes I do have documentation to prove this! I talk to both of my children to let them know that NO ONE should touch them in ANY way that makes them feel uncomfortable and IF this were to EVER happen then they should not be afraid to tell someone. My ex wont listen to reasoning and has supposedly taken out a RO against this man. CAN HE DO THAT?
I am also having problems with my ex going around town telling people that I allow people to molest our kids. He has even went as far as to take a picture of my son when he had a diaper rash (when he was younger) and show that to people saying that the reason why my son was broke out was because I let my bf at the time molest him. WHAT CAN I DO?!?!?!?!? For all those who may look at this thread in a bad way.... I have taken the proper steps to ASSURE that neither of my children have been sexually abused. I even had to take my daughter to counseling because of his allegations and everything was unfounded. I just think enough is enough and I am tired of him saying stuff like that about our children to hurt me. He wont take into account that he is hurting our kids because of what he says is being done to them!

Thanks for the feedback Casa. From allegations before of the same person from my X is when my daughter went through counselling and case workers talked to her to make sure nothing had happened. I had also taken her to the DR just to prove to my X and just to be on the safe side of things because when it comes to people you just can't ever tell. They found the case to be UNFOUNDED. Since I have moved from my home town her visitation with him is limited to MAYBE one weekend out of a month or 2 months, If that. I have our children for months at a time even though he is scheduled visitations but he never shows to get them.
Thanks Again.

Tennessee,
If a NCP has every other weekend for visitations (has had the same for last 2 years) and has recently started a job that does not allow him time to make it to pick up the children on set Friday pickup time @ 6pm will the court more than likely reschedule to another time or possibly Saturday morning when he does not work or is it more likely that they will make me keep the same visitation time (which causes me to rush as it is) and make me drop off our children at one of his family memebers homes???
We have drove down there (which is about 90 miles away) for the past 2 weekends he had visitation and he did not show because of work.

Ok I have went to take the children there for 3 visits and he did not show. I went this last time and the kids were excited about finally seeing their dad because he was late but they managed to call me about 5 minutes before I was about to leave the place of exchanging the kids. I waited there for him to show and he got the children. He took them straight to his mothers home and left him there all weekend long. He did make it a point to go there to drop them off some chicken nuggets since his mother did not have food in the home for the kids to eat. Oh did I mention our son wont even eat meat. Something you THINK a father would know.
His grandmother and his aunt that live beside the grandmother of our children have called me concerned about the well being of our children while there. They don't have a place to sleep there. They are made to sleep on a couch WITH the grandmother or as what the grandmother told me our son was offered to sleep in the bed with his mentally challenged 23 yr old uncle. NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THIS AT ALL!!! Their uncles ex-wife now had contacted me in the past to ask if he had "messed" with our kids because they had concerns of him "messing" with their nephew.
Their grandmother is known for her lifestyle. She is just in my opinion nasty as heck. My ex husband was molested as a child and his mother was aware of this but continued to send her son to this mans home. She even had her children taken away from her when they were kids.(Put it this way her children even told me of her dropping them in dumpsters as children to look for clothes) I am just concerned for my kids wellbeing. She obviously was not fit to take care of her own children so why is she getting mine when it is my ex-husbands place any ways. I see so many things on here about parenting time is to keep or create a bond between a father/mother with the children but how is that working when the father just drops them off and leaves them there.
Is it true that as long as the father picks the kids up he can just take them and leave them anywhere? I am court ordered to take them their for parenting time with their father but must I take them there for his other family also?

This also sounds like you are you candi?
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=225340
Did you change your name hoping to get different advice?

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Gotta love being able to look at old posts. Why is anyone still bothering with this person?

 

[momof2boys1girl]

RMet you are the most rude person I have seen on this whole site. I understand this is an "advice" community but let's have some compassion, you dont know how someone feels until you are in their shoes. Judge not ~ you wouldn't want someone judging you by your comments would you? Let's stick to the problem at hand! They live far apart, and he doesn't show alot of times, she is limited in funds, how can she change her visitation order to help her out? That is the issue and comments should be geared towards that, not all this other stuff.

 

[jslopez711]

RMet you are the most rude person I have seen on this whole site.

Not even close!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rmet does irritate from time to time but you are completely WRONG on this.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

RMet you are the most rude person I have seen on this whole site. I understand this is an "advice" community but let's have some compassion, you dont know how someone feels until you are in their shoes. Judge not ~ you wouldn't want someone judging you by your comments would you? Let's stick to the problem at hand! They live far apart, and he doesn't show alot of times, she is limited in funds, how can she change her visitation order to help her out? That is the issue and comments should be geared towards that, not all this other stuff.

I am not the most rude person on this site by any means.
You are not sticking to the question at hand.
This is a legal site, compassion doesn't have anything to do with the legal advice.
OP who ever she is, already had her chance to argue the distance, she doesn't like the court order so is making it difficult for both her ex and her children to get back at him and his family.
It would be far less compassionate to tell OP what she wants to hear and then to end up loosing her children in court.