Tattoo...

[sajoseph]

What is the name of your state?Florida
I have a 16 year old son. I have been primary parent since he was 2. His father and I share joint custody-which I say lightly because he has never been there. This past birthday, his father bought him a new car, gramma hired him to flip burgers for outrageous $$, etc. Like him becoming of age has made the family come out of the woodwork. I have always received court ordered child support, however minimal, and figured it be a waste of time to get it raised.
Last weekend, I gave my son permission to get a tattoo. This was something he had been contemplating for a long long time. We discussed places to get it, and how it could effect his future, cleanliness, good taste and inconspicous. I finally gave in, and he had his name in chinese tattood on his back. 3 symbols, each less then 1' in size. Well, he couldn't keep his mouth shut, and told everybody, and it got back to his dad. Last night he called, cussed, called names, made him cry, etc. Said he was coming to take his car(Which I do not care) but y problem is-he is threatening to take my son away, and he has ordered my son to never speak of my name again. So did his gramma. This is upsetting to him so much, he feels torn! Does his father have groud to stand on w/ this tattoo thing? I had the signed /notarized papers done, so it was legal

 

[seniorjudge]

What is the name of your state?Florida
I have a 16 year old son. I have been primary parent since he was 2. His father and I share joint custody-which I say lightly because he has never been there. This past birthday, his father bought him a new car, gramma hired him to flip burgers for outrageous $$, etc. Like him becoming of age has made the family come out of the woodwork. I have always received court ordered child support, however minimal, and figured it be a waste of time to get it raised.
Last weekend, I gave my son permission to get a tattoo. This was something he had been contemplating for a long long time. We discussed places to get it, and how it could effect his future, cleanliness, good taste and inconspicous. I finally gave in, and he had his name in chinese tattood on his back. 3 symbols, each less then 1' in size. Well, he couldn't keep his mouth shut, and told everybody, and it got back to his dad. Last night he called, cussed, called names, made him cry, etc. Said he was coming to take his car(Which I do not care) but y problem is-he is threatening to take my son away, and he has ordered my son to never speak of my name again. So did his gramma. This is upsetting to him so much, he feels torn! Does his father have groud to stand on w/ this tattoo thing? I had the signed /notarized papers done, so it was legal

Q: Does his father have groud to stand on w/ this tattoo thing?

A: Yes, you did a pretty stupid thing. But, a tattoo alone is probably not grounds to have the custody changed.

 

[Neal1421]

What is the name of your state?Florida
I have a 16 year old son. I have been primary parent since he was 2. His father and I share joint custody-which I say lightly because he has never been there. This past birthday, his father bought him a new car, gramma hired him to flip burgers for outrageous $$, etc. Like him becoming of age has made the family come out of the woodwork. I have always received court ordered child support, however minimal, and figured it be a waste of time to get it raised.
Last weekend, I gave my son permission to get a tattoo. This was something he had been contemplating for a long long time. We discussed places to get it, and how it could effect his future, cleanliness, good taste and inconspicous. I finally gave in, and he had his name in chinese tattood on his back. 3 symbols, each less then 1' in size. Well, he couldn't keep his mouth shut, and told everybody, and it got back to his dad. Last night he called, cussed, called names, made him cry, etc. Said he was coming to take his car(Which I do not care) but y problem is-he is threatening to take my son away, and he has ordered my son to never speak of my name again. So did his gramma. This is upsetting to him so much, he feels torn! Does his father have groud to stand on w/ this tattoo thing? I had the signed /notarized papers done, so it was legal

No, he can't take your child just because you let him get a tatoo.

 

[stealth2]

With joint custody? Hell yes you should have discussed it with DAD! What would your reaction have been if Dad gave his consent for something that you didn't approve of?

Dad has every right to take away the car. It likely isn't enough to change custody, but Dad is not in the wrong for beign angry that neither of you saw fit to discuss this with him.

 

[sajoseph]

Dad has NEVER been there for him. When we went through a bought w/ grades, his dad would tell him to tell me to shut up, and he did not have to be grounded, not to listen to me. I have always been the one to make ANY decision, from his bleached hair in 7th grade, to the earring in 8th grade, to all his school functions, football games, even his license. I had to sign for that. I have never had the opportunity to discuss ANYTHING or get his point of view, because he did not care-His quote throughout my sons life to me was-"When he turns 16, then I'll be a father".
So, naturally, I assume this was MY decision to make-AGAIN! My son does not regret the tattoo. He just feels as if he has hurt his gramma-which he did. And she is entitles to her opinion. But would not even acknowledge when he told her he loved her last night, she hung up on him.
I am under the assumption, that as responsible as he is, he can legally make the decision where he wants to live. Can someone with alittle EXPERIENCE in law give me an opinion?

 

[Neal1421]

Dad has NEVER been there for him. When we went through a bought w/ grades, his dad would tell him to tell me to shut up, and he did not have to be grounded, not to listen to me. I have always been the one to make ANY decision, from his bleached hair in 7th grade, to the earring in 8th grade, to all his school functions, football games, even his license. I had to sign for that. I have never had the opportunity to discuss ANYTHING or get his point of view, because he did not care-His quote throughout my sons life to me was-"When he turns 16, then I'll be a father".
So, naturally, I assume this was MY decision to make-AGAIN! My son does not regret the tattoo. He just feels as if he has hurt his gramma-which he did. And she is entitles to her opinion. But would not even acknowledge when he told her he loved her last night, she hung up on him.
I am under the assumption, that as responsible as he is, he can legally make the decision where he wants to live. Can someone with alittle EXPERIENCE in law give me an opinion?

He can't decide where he wants to live until he is 18 however if it goes to court, the judge will listen to what the child has to say and take that into consideration.

 

[stealth2]

He gets to DECIDE where he lives when he's an adult. Until then, the court may give his wishes some weight, but he doesn't get to make that choice. Any more than he gets to make an independant choice to get a tattoo, quit going to school, etc. You're still the parent. And as long as you have joint legal custody with his father, you're obligated to discuss these sorts of decisions. Like it, or not. You screwed up, plain and simple. (btw - you should have discussed the piercing, license, etc with him, as well.)

 

[Just Blue]

Dad has NEVER been there for him. When we went through a bought w/ grades, his dad would tell him to tell me to shut up, and he did not have to be grounded, not to listen to me. I have always been the one to make ANY decision, from his bleached hair in 7th grade, to the earring in 8th grade, to all his school functions, football games, even his license. I had to sign for that. I have never had the opportunity to discuss ANYTHING or get his point of view, because he did not care-His quote throughout my sons life to me was-"When he turns 16, then I'll be a father".
So, naturally, I assume this was MY decision to make-AGAIN! My son does not regret the tattoo. He just feels as if he has hurt his gramma-which he did. And she is entitles to her opinion. But would not even acknowledge when he told her he loved her last night, she hung up on him.
I am under the assumption, that as responsible as he is, he can legally make the decision where he wants to live. Can someone with alittle EXPERIENCE in law give me an opinion?

Honey..EVERYONE who responded to you has LOTS of experience with the law...

Oh...by the way...He get to decide where he wants to live when he's 18....

 

[HomeGuru]

What is the name of your state?Florida
I have a 16 year old son. Like him becoming of age has made the family come out of the woodwork.

**A: he is not of age.
********

I finally gave in, and he had his name in chinese tattood on his back. 3 symbols, each less then 1' in size. Well, he couldn't keep his mouth shut, and told everybody, and it got back to his dad. Last night he called, cussed, called names, made him cry, etc.

**A: you need a tatoo on your forehead.

 

[seniorjudge]

...Can someone with a little EXPERIENCE in law give me an opinion?...

Sorry. I don't fit this category since I have a huge amount of experience in the law.

 

[LdiJ]

This is ironic.

The last time that I made the argument that with joint legal custody a parent couldn't get a child's ear's pierced without the involvement/permission of the other parent I was jumped all over. I was told that both parents were free to make that decision.

Now everybody is jumping all over a mom for making a similar decision.

Can we at least try to be consistant in our responses? If its ok for dad to decide that a teen can get something pierced, without mom's permission, then its ok for mom to allow a discreet tattoo...without dad's permission.

OR, BOTH of them are in the wrong.

However, I think its totally unfair for dad to take the child's car away to punish the child for something the child had permission to do**************unless of course the subject was ever discussed between the child and dad, and dad flat out said no.

Mom also isn't going to lose custody over it.

 

[weenor]

This is ironic.

The last time that I made the argument that with joint legal custody a parent couldn't get a child's ear's pierced without the involvement/permission of the other parent I was jumped all over. I was told that both parents were free to make that decision.

Now everybody is jumping all over a mom for making a similar decision.

Can we at least try to be consistant in our responses? If its ok for dad to decide that a teen can get something pierced, without mom's permission, then its ok for mom to allow a discreet tattoo...without dad's permission.

OR, BOTH of them are in the wrong.

However, I think its totally unfair for dad to take the child's car away to punish the child for something the child had permission to do**************unless of course the subject was ever discussed between the child and dad, and dad flat out said no.

Mom also isn't going to lose custody over it.

Morally they are both wrong....I don't know what anybody is thinking when they allow their children to permanently alter their bodies...I digress. Legally- the "right" to allow something without permission from the other parent depends on what joint legal means in her state. There is at least one state I know of where joint legal means squat...and the CP decides. As pointed out by other guru's in this thread, even if OP did not have the legal right to allow the tatoo without the ex signing off, one incident does not a change in custody make.

 

[DelanaH]

Personal Opinion but**************.I kinda understand the father being up set (I was very upset when my childs father had her cut really short when it was really long to start with) But If the tatoo is tastefull and discrete then I see no reason why he should have a temper tantrum like he did. This should be one of those things that you are mad for a day then get over it because there is nothing you can really do about it. So I think dad is way over reacting. Ya know if you hadn't signed for the tat then they kid may have went and got it Illegally.

 

[seniorjudge]

Personal Opinion but**************.I kinda understand the father being up set (I was very upset when my childs father had her cut really short when it was really long to start with) But If the tatoo is tastefull and discrete then I see no reason why he should have a temper tantrum like he did. This should be one of those things that you are mad for a day then get over it because there is nothing you can really do about it. So I think dad is way over reacting. Ya know if you hadn't signed for the tat then they kid may have went and got it Illegally.

But If the tatoo is tastefull and discrete then I see no reason why he should have a temper tantrum like he did.

A tattoo on a child is neither tasteful nor discreet.

 

[NotSoNew]

a tatoo is permant while ear peircings are not. although i feel neither should be done without the other parents consent.

i could only imagine what moms reaction would have been here if dad had been the one to do this.