Tattoo...

[sajoseph]

C'mon, betcha every 16 year old out there that actually spends time with their parent KNOWS how they feel about tatoos!

That is what I am trying to say... From the time he was 2, and I left, dad utilized visitation so little, I can count on my fingers the times. Gramma spent time with him, one weekend a month.

When he got his car at 16 years old-last July, his dad told him that he can call him for breakfast once in a while if he wanted to. This still has never happened, my son has called, and dad has turned him away every time.

I think we both knew dad would not like it, because this would be a sign that my son actually has ME in his blood, but honestly, we never even discussed the possibility of asking his dad. My son knows it does not pay to ask his dad, as he has never and will never actually talk and take anything serious. I guess we just kept on as it always has been. His dad has threatened to take away custody more times then you can imagine, for the simplest of reasons, and every time we have gone to court, he gets laughe out of there. Our divorce papers are so simple, he even tried to sue me once when I moved out of state, and I flew back to Fla, the judge not only laughed at him, but ordered him to pay my travel and lawyer expenses, as I had filed for.
And the car, again, whatever. He can take the car away(he han't as of yet) that is dads option. No kid is ENTITLED to a car, especially a new 2006 car, I understand this. But my son did not know his dad would react as he did, nor did I.

What gives a dad the MORAL right to just "jump" in to a life after all this time and start making decisions???

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Assuming that son knew how dad felt about it beforehand....if not, then its just dad using it to punish mom.

Don't assume anyting.
Ask this instead, what normal adolescent male is oging to say following dad gifting a car, "Dad gave me this car. Gee, all the guys are getting Tat's. I want a Tat too . But if I get a Tat, dad will take my car away. Which do I want more a Tat or a car , a Tat or a car , a Tat or a car . Why of course I'll take the Tat anyday to having wheels

 

[seniorjudge]

Don't assume anyting.
Ask this instead, what normal adolescent male is oging to say following dad gifting a car, "Dad gave me this car. Gee, all the guys are getting Tat's. I want a Tat too . But if I get a Tat, dad will take my car away. Which do I want more a Tat or a car , a Tat or a car , a Tat or a car . Why of course I'll take the Tat anyday to having wheels

Ask this instead, what normal adolescent male....

I didn't read past that point.

Doc, there is no such critter as a "normal" adolescent male.

 

[lisagr33]

That is what I am trying to say... From the time he was 2, and I left, dad utilized visitation so little, I can count on my fingers the times. Gramma spent time with him, one weekend a month.

When he got his car at 16 years old-last July, his dad told him that he can call him for breakfast once in a while if he wanted to. This still has never happened, my son has called, and dad has turned him away every time.

I think we both knew dad would not like it, because this would be a sign that my son actually has ME in his blood, but honestly, we never even discussed the possibility of asking his dad. My son knows it does not pay to ask his dad, as he has never and will never actually talk and take anything serious. I guess we just kept on as it always has been. His dad has threatened to take away custody more times then you can imagine, for the simplest of reasons, and every time we have gone to court, he gets laughe out of there. Our divorce papers are so simple, he even tried to sue me once when I moved out of state, and I flew back to Fla, the judge not only laughed at him, but ordered him to pay my travel and lawyer expenses, as I had filed for.
And the car, again, whatever. He can take the car away(he han't as of yet) that is dads option. No kid is ENTITLED to a car, especially a new 2006 car, I understand this. But my son did not know his dad would react as he did, nor did I.

What gives a dad the MORAL right to just "jump" in to a life after all this time and start making decisions???

The thing is that you have joint custody with the dad and regardless of how much visitation dad has spent with his son, which by the way he doesn't have to use every weekend that he is to have him since it is not an obligation for him to utilize it, you should have still spoke with dad with regards to that. I realize that there is probably bad blood between the two of you, but out of respect, you should have said something. The fact that you didn't even speak with dad, IMO, makes it look like you are telling your son that it is okay not to discuss serious topics with his dad. Sure, dad is a come and go, but until your son hits 18, the court order still exists and has to be followed.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

That is what I am trying to say... From the time he was 2, and I left, dad utilized visitation so little, I can count on my fingers the times. Gramma spent time with him, one weekend a month.

When he got his car at 16 years old-last July, his dad told him that he can call him for breakfast once in a while if he wanted to. This still has never happened, my son has called, and dad has turned him away every time.

I think we both knew dad would not like it, because this would be a sign that my son actually has ME in his blood, but honestly, we never even discussed the possibility of asking his dad. My son knows it does not pay to ask his dad, as he has never and will never actually talk and take anything serious. I guess we just kept on as it always has been. His dad has threatened to take away custody more times then you can imagine, for the simplest of reasons, and every time we have gone to court, he gets laughe out of there. Our divorce papers are so simple, he even tried to sue me once when I moved out of state, and I flew back to Fla, the judge not only laughed at him, but ordered him to pay my travel and lawyer expenses, as I had filed for.
And the car, again, whatever. He can take the car away(he han't as of yet) that is dads option. No kid is ENTITLED to a car, especially a new 2006 car, I understand this. But my son did not know his dad would react as he did, nor did I.

What gives a dad the MORAL right to just "jump" in to a life after all this time and start making decisions???

When will you get it through your thick skull that it is LEGAL not moral.
You were ticked off because you didn't ask for/or get more child support. When dad makes it up to his son by giving him a car to make up for it as opposed to giving you money, you take your son to get a Tattoo to get even. It sounds like your ex learned some lessons in life, but you didn't. Now who is Sonnyboy going to blame for losing his wheels?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Ask this instead, what normal adolescent male....

I didn't read past that point.

Doc, there is no such critter as a "normal" adolescent male.

Statistically speaking there is such a critter and it would scare the pants off some if they were to know what their precious son's were thinking and doing, only problems is that boys brag about their exploites, whereas girls tend to keep secrets better.

Now go ahead and read the whole post but go to the bathroom first.

 

[allison3005]

sajoseph: I think you do the right thing. Especially since your son or his friends have access to ink gun to do their own tattoos, its likely he would have gotten one of those and hid it from his parents. I know people will disagree with me, but sometimes a parent has to make a decision like this. Its better that he did it with you checking the place out, you made sure he put it in a discreet place so that it could be hidden when needed. It was done safely. It reminds me of my mom putting me on birth control at 16. While she was not condoning sex, she knows it could happen. I don't disagree with you.

 

[sajoseph]

sajoseph: I think you do the right thing. Especially since your son or his friends have access to ink gun to do their own tattoos, its likely he would have gotten one of those and hid it from his parents. I know people will disagree with me, but sometimes a parent has to make a decision like this. Its better that he did it with you checking the place out, you made sure he put it in a discreet place so that it could be hidden when needed. It was done safely. It reminds me of my mom putting me on birth control at 16. While she was not condoning sex, she knows it could happen. I don't disagree with you.

TY



NOW- With all the reasons given in allmy posts- I understand that being we have "joint custody" his father should have been notified and had to give permission-BY THE BOOK!-

Anyway, with all the bad things written above-do you or do you not think the judge would have to take all this into consideration before making a decision??? IF IT WERE TO GO TO COURT-would the dad have a great deal of luck with a background like that? Or would the judge certainly figure'14 years of no visitation, convicted felon on drug charges and GTA, lies about wages, cause kid to go psychotic at 5 years old, etc etc etc"?
Just wondering? because all the past makes the tattoo seem -piddly!

 

[CarrieT]

, but honestly, we never even discussed the possibility of asking his dad.

That is the crux of it, sajoseph, as ONE of the parents of this child, you SHOULD have thought of discussing it with the OTHER parent. It should have been a given that you would include Dad on any decision regarding his child. And Dad, regardless of your personal feelings about him, has the LEGAL right to KNOW what is going on with his child. And more than that, its your responsibility to help your son understand WHY important decisions need to be discussed with BOTH of you.

What would happen if your son got it into his head to move in with Dad? (kids do that... get a wild hair up their a$$ and decide to upset the apple cart) So You would have joint custody, but lets say Dad decided to let son do something lasting and permanent without consulting with you, without even offering you the option of voicing an opinion on it? HOW would you feel?

I have SOLE legal and physical custody of my children. My ex was not granted visitation rights to them. For all intents and purposes they are MINE alone. HOWEVER, I still send him copies of their report cards, and have them send him birthday and christmas cards and a 'home made' gift. As much as I dont like, respect nor get along with him personally, I make sure my children respect him as their parent. And to set that example I have always contacted him to 'discuss' (even if its only to let him know what Ive decided and why) things going on with the children. When they want something, I wil will always say 'ok, lets see what Dads thoughts are on it'. Why do I do this? NOT because I think he deserves to know, NOT because I care about HIS feelings, but because I want my children to understand that AS their other parent, he deserves their respect and consideration. My belief is my children will be better adults, and better parents if they are taught to treat their parents (me and my ex as well as their step dad) with respect and consideration.

So, in my opinion, morally you were in the wrong as well as legally.

, What gives a dad the MORAL right to just "jump" in to a life after all this time and start making decisions???

By virtue of the fact that he IS your sons Father, AND by legal fact that he has joint custody and has the right to 'jump in ' and 'help make decisions' at any time during which he has that joint custody. Regardless of his past history - the courts gave him JOINT custody, and for a courts decision to be revered as LAW, it needs to be upheld.

Carrie

 

[weenor]

Ask this instead, what normal adolescent male....

I didn't read past that point.

Doc, there is no such critter as a "normal" adolescent male.

I concur- when do they grow up?

 

[LdiJ]

TY



NOW- With all the reasons given in allmy posts- I understand that being we have "joint custody" his father should have been notified and had to give permission-BY THE BOOK!-

Anyway, with all the bad things written above-do you or do you not think the judge would have to take all this into consideration before making a decision??? IF IT WERE TO GO TO COURT-would the dad have a great deal of luck with a background like that? Or would the judge certainly figure'14 years of no visitation, convicted felon on drug charges and GTA, lies about wages, cause kid to go psychotic at 5 years old, etc etc etc"?
Just wondering? because all the past makes the tattoo seem -piddly!

I think I told you this before, but you are not going to lose custody of your son over a discreet tatoo. The judge may give you a lecture, might even give you a fine, but it takes a whole lot more than that to lose custody...particularly to someone with dad's background.

 

[seniorjudge]

I concur- when do they grow up?

A "grown up" male?

Hmmm...what a concept!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I think I told you this before, but you are not going to lose custody of your son over a discreet tatoo. The judge may give you a lecture, might even give you a fine, but it takes a whole lot more than that to lose custody...particularly to someone with dad's background.

3 1" Chinese Symbols is not discreet and yes the judge can change custody.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

TY



NOW- With all the reasons given in allmy posts- I understand that being we have "joint custody" his father should have been notified and had to give permission-BY THE BOOK!-

Anyway, with all the bad things written above-do you or do you not think the judge would have to take all this into consideration before making a decision??? IF IT WERE TO GO TO COURT-would the dad have a great deal of luck with a background like that? Or would the judge certainly figure'14 years of no visitation, convicted felon on drug charges and GTA, lies about wages, cause kid to go psychotic at 5 years old, etc etc etc"?
Just wondering? because all the past makes the tattoo seem -piddly!

Dad paid child support, the rest is not relevant and Allison is not an attorney, she is just a woman who as a girl had to be taken to get birth control because she was sexually acitveand she didn't do it on her own. It doesn't make what you did right or legal. YOU didn't get permission, that is all the judge will care about!

 

[lisagr33]

Dad paid child support, the rest is not relevant and Allison is not an attorney, she is just a woman who as a girl had to be taken to get birth control because she was sexually acitveand she didn't do it on her own. It doesn't make what you did right or legal. YOU didn't get permission, that is all the judge will care about!

rmet- she has been told that in so many different ways and in the form of the straight truth and she still is h*ll bent on trying to make dad out to be the bad guy for her not getting his okay first.