I'm back for more insight. Even though it's an unrelated question, I'll keep it in this same thread since that seems to be what is preferable.
Also, for the sake of my question, please just assume that the baby is definitely mine. I understand there is a chance that it is not, but in that case I will just walk away from all of this unscathed. So I really just need advice pertaining to the child belonging to me.
Due to the advice given here, I did end up withdrawing the petition in my county and it was filed in hers. A few weeks later, we had our court date where they ordered a paternity test. A few weeks after that we went for the paternity test. And two weeks from today is our follow up court date to get the results. The baby will be exactly 3 months old on that date.
To this point I've only seen the baby twice: at the first court date and at the paternity test. Mom allowed me to hold the baby for a few minutes the first time, and promised me she would let me come down and see the baby before the paternity test. She proceeded to ignore all my texts leading up to the test date. On the day of the test, same thing: she let me hold the baby for a bit and told me we could absolutely set up more get togethers, and she has completely ignored me since.
I won't pretend to understand why she is doing this. My guess is her new boyfriend is pulling the strings but it's not my place to speculate too much. All I know is trying to rely on her for access to this child seems like a horrible plan. Then again, that's why I filed the petition in the first place.
Now my focus is on establishing a parenting plan and some sort of custody arrangement. I want to be aggressive and swift with this- the way I see it I've already missed three crucial months. I want to have the papers ready to file the moment I get that acknowledgement of paternity two weeks from today.
I am having a hard time finding realistic goals to set for my parenting time with this baby. It is very young, and conventional wisdom states that a baby should not be away from its mother for long stretches. However, I think I have a few things working in my favor.
I'm not your stereotypical 'baby daddy.' I have worked at a baby product retailer for five years and regularly hold seminars on car seat safety, crib safety, and bottle feeding. Furthermore, my family owns and operates an in home daycare that has been going for 17 years now. I have volunteered / worked there for most of my life and taking care of newborns and toddlers is nothing new to me at all.
I don't want to snatch the baby away from her mother, but I do want to get overnight visits at my house relatively soon and have significant time with me at least one day a week right from the start.
What I don't want to do is drive to her house and awkwardly hold the baby for an hour or two while she and her boyfriend 'supervise' me. That just seems wholly unnecessary as I quite frankly don't need supervision. The baby apparently has started going to daycare so it's not as if it cannot be out of mom's sight.
The biggest thing working against me aside from the young age of the child is the distance factor. Mom lives an hour away from me and is in the process of buying a house to move an extra 15-20 minutes further. So that's quite a bit of driving and I'm sure she will use that as a point of resistance. Because of the distance factor though, wouldn't it make more sense for me to see the baby for, say, 6-8 hours two days a week as opposed to 2-3 hours 4 days?
Any insight on this would be greatly appreciated. It looks like I will file this parenting plan myself since the mother doesn't want to respond to me. I just want to make sure I am aggressive but realistic in my plan.
Also, for the sake of my question, please just assume that the baby is definitely mine. I understand there is a chance that it is not, but in that case I will just walk away from all of this unscathed. So I really just need advice pertaining to the child belonging to me.
Due to the advice given here, I did end up withdrawing the petition in my county and it was filed in hers. A few weeks later, we had our court date where they ordered a paternity test. A few weeks after that we went for the paternity test. And two weeks from today is our follow up court date to get the results. The baby will be exactly 3 months old on that date.
To this point I've only seen the baby twice: at the first court date and at the paternity test. Mom allowed me to hold the baby for a few minutes the first time, and promised me she would let me come down and see the baby before the paternity test. She proceeded to ignore all my texts leading up to the test date. On the day of the test, same thing: she let me hold the baby for a bit and told me we could absolutely set up more get togethers, and she has completely ignored me since.
I won't pretend to understand why she is doing this. My guess is her new boyfriend is pulling the strings but it's not my place to speculate too much. All I know is trying to rely on her for access to this child seems like a horrible plan. Then again, that's why I filed the petition in the first place.
Now my focus is on establishing a parenting plan and some sort of custody arrangement. I want to be aggressive and swift with this- the way I see it I've already missed three crucial months. I want to have the papers ready to file the moment I get that acknowledgement of paternity two weeks from today.
I am having a hard time finding realistic goals to set for my parenting time with this baby. It is very young, and conventional wisdom states that a baby should not be away from its mother for long stretches. However, I think I have a few things working in my favor.
I'm not your stereotypical 'baby daddy.' I have worked at a baby product retailer for five years and regularly hold seminars on car seat safety, crib safety, and bottle feeding. Furthermore, my family owns and operates an in home daycare that has been going for 17 years now. I have volunteered / worked there for most of my life and taking care of newborns and toddlers is nothing new to me at all.
I don't want to snatch the baby away from her mother, but I do want to get overnight visits at my house relatively soon and have significant time with me at least one day a week right from the start.
What I don't want to do is drive to her house and awkwardly hold the baby for an hour or two while she and her boyfriend 'supervise' me. That just seems wholly unnecessary as I quite frankly don't need supervision. The baby apparently has started going to daycare so it's not as if it cannot be out of mom's sight.
The biggest thing working against me aside from the young age of the child is the distance factor. Mom lives an hour away from me and is in the process of buying a house to move an extra 15-20 minutes further. So that's quite a bit of driving and I'm sure she will use that as a point of resistance. Because of the distance factor though, wouldn't it make more sense for me to see the baby for, say, 6-8 hours two days a week as opposed to 2-3 hours 4 days?
Any insight on this would be greatly appreciated. It looks like I will file this parenting plan myself since the mother doesn't want to respond to me. I just want to make sure I am aggressive but realistic in my plan.
