Update and Question re: supervised visitation

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If it goes to supervised visits, it may be even MORE difficult for the OP to move longer distances, rather than easier.

 

[milspecgirl]

I thought we were done with the moving away thought?

 

[txmom512]

And what if the professionals are wrong and this was not a second degree burn? Seriously. What if it were Intertrigo? Or an allergy to cinnamon/cassia that may have been in the bath soap (such allergies can mimic second degree burns down to the sloughing skin and red marks) -- did the doctors check for that as maybe it was in a soap product? Or maybe it was possible that dad used aloe vera on the baby's bottom during the last diaper change before drop off and that caused it? here is one story:
It's Worse Than Having A Peanut Allergy.... : I Am Allergic to Aloe Vera Story & Experience

Did they test the baby for ALL these things? or just look and say -- hey it's a burn! Got it. There are innocent reasons for what could have happened.

You're honestly suggesting that FOUR different doctors Don't know the difference between a 2nd Degree Contact Burn and some kind of rash?? Seriously? I'd say that's some serious reaching there....

 

[gr8rn]

The baby is doing much, much better. The burns are 99% healed and he is a happy guy!

Here is my issue with you, IC. The above is what you wrote yesterday. 99% healed. Yet you describe the injuries as:

Dad and I were doing fine until the baby came home with second degree burns to 2/3 of his bottom. Literally, skin sloughing off and peeling. The rest? Too burned to have any "external" skin left. Just raw, weeping, bloody skin that the only thing that would stick being burn cream.

Second degree burns. split an full thickness burns. You first posted about this on 3/25, roughly 2 weeks ago. I had a patient, a 3 year old who had pulled on a plug and a pot of hot coffee spilled over her chest and arms. deep second degree burns, with no "external skin" left. She was in the hospital for 3 months. Had to have skin grafts.

Now you are telling us that in 2 weeks your child is 99% healed with burn cream alone? Sorry, that is where you lost me. I suggested a special formula that they give babies with burns since you also told us that your baby was failing to thrive (you ignored my suggestion) You also stated on the FTT note that he wasn't making eye contact (??) Many of us suggested a neuro consult, nothing is being said about that now.

I am glad to hear your son is healing, but I also have issues with your posts.

 

[Ohiogal]

You're honestly suggesting that FOUR different doctors Don't know the difference between a 2nd Degree Contact Burn and some kind of rash?? Seriously? I'd say that's some serious reaching there....

I don't. An entire pediatric department at a children's hospital tried to say a child was victim of shaken baby syndrome even though the baby did not show any of the symptoms except for a hematoma. Why? Because they back one another up. Hmmm... not reaching at all.

It could possibly be that one doctor looked at it, stated, It's a burn and then asked others whether they thought it could be a burn. Oh yeah it could be a burn. We think it is and went straight to the FIRST suggestion and not anything else. It has been known to happen. So yeah, I am honestly suggesting that doctors can be lemmings too. Why? Because I have seen it happen.

 

[stealth2]

You're honestly suggesting that FOUR different doctors Don't know the difference between a 2nd Degree Contact Burn and some kind of rash?? Seriously? I'd say that's some serious reaching there....

I think we are suggesting that all may not be as it seems. Read the following:

Here is my issue with you, IC. The above is what you wrote yesterday. 99% healed. Yet you describe the injuries as:

Second degree burns. split an full thickness burns. You first posted about this on 3/25, roughly 2 weeks ago. I had a patient, a 3 year old who had pulled on a plug and a pot of hot coffee spilled over her chest and arms. deep second degree burns, with no "external skin" left. She was in the hospital for 3 months. Had to have skin grafts.

Now you are telling us that in 2 weeks your child is 99% healed with burn cream alone? Sorry, that is where you lost me. I suggested a special formula that they give babies with burns since you also told us that your baby was failing to thrive (you ignored my suggestion) You also stated on the FTT note that he wasn't making eye contact (??) Many of us suggested a neuro consult, nothing is being said about that now.

I am glad to hear your son is healing, but I also have issues with your posts.

Yep, all that, too. Something here just does not feel right. I don't know what it is. But there is something.

 

[InfantCustody]

I read back over what I posted. My irritation is not quite with IC. Not keen on her ready to think the worst of dad and that bothers me and there seems to be inconsistencies. My spidey sense is tingling, so to speak. But truthfully, CPS is stomping all over dad's rights here according to the law and I hope he fights it.

Do I want the child to have been harmed in any way? HECK NO! (I almost wrote something else a bit stronger but...) I do think that rather than assuming the worst of dad that maybe IC and dad should try to discuss this like adults and see if dad has any explanation of what happened.

CPS has been wrong many many times. So called medical experts have been wrong several times as well. I have seen parents accused of everything from severe abuse including shaken baby syndrome that was supposedly confirmed by several experts. Only to find out the experts were wrong. That they missed something. Did that happen in this case -- well lets put it this way, something is missing from this. I have read your facts that you have posted IC and something is definitely missing from the whole spectrum of what has been posted.

It is very possible that dad is telling the truth as is mom. But IC seems very ready to believe the worst of dad. That is an issue with me. Didn't you know him better when you slept him to know what kind of person he is?

What if this is a false accusation? What if the doctors are wrong? IC you seem to have already made up your mind about the fact that dad is a demon and abused his child. Why is that? Before you say because all the evidence points to him -- what evidence?

I can't put my finger on it but quite frankly, something is rotten in Denmark, so to speak.

I find it interesting that you say I am ready to think the worst of Dad. I talked to the detective for an HOUR this morning, and if you knew him in person, you could ask him. I told him over and over, as I have EVERYONE, that the Dad I know, and slept with (as you so aptly said) would not intentionally burn a child. Wouldn't do it. It isn't who he is.

BUT what am I supposed to do? I have talked to Dad, with an open heart and mind, for HOURS UPON HOURS UPON HOURS and run through every possible scenario. He will not give ANY answers except "I don't know." And maybe he doesn't. But should I just send the baby back, because I don't "think" he would do anything like that? Something went wrong... I still talk to or text Dad every day to tell him about the baby, send him pictures, and discuss any possible causes. I have not, in any way, cut Dad out. I supervise visitation for him whenever he asks...per the safety assessment of social services.

I am asking anyone and everyone on this board, in my shoes, what would you do? You don't "think" the man you lived with, knew and loved would do this. And yet everyone in an educated position is telling you that is what happened. What would you do?

Dad said he didn't use new diapers, wipes, butt creme, didn't bathe the baby, fed him nothing new, didn't leave the baby with anyone, was sleeping in the same room as him and this simply appeared out of nowhere. Balance THAT against 4 MD's (3 at the pediatrician's office, one at the ER when they did the NAT scan, and within a different hospital network) all saying it looks like a second degree burn noted to have geometric borders, demarcation lines and a lack of "clusters" as are seen in fungal infections or diaper rash. They noted that the entire area around his rectum, and one inch onto his butt cheeks, is not burned. Presumably, since that is where poop comes out, it should be burned the worst, according to the MD's. Its "as if he were either set in something hot and had his butt cheeks clinched together, or was set on something hot and it only affected his "seat." The burns start on the cheeks, and extend to the outer edges of his buttocks, and to about 1-2 inches below the top of his butt crack.

I didn't make the accusation, and I can't think of a reason 4 MD's would want to make a false accusation against Dad. What if the MD's are wrong? It plagues me day and night, whether you want to believe it or not. I have said to the Social services worker, the MD's, the detective, everyone, that I can't imagine being in Dad's shoes IF they are wrong and this DID just appear. I can't imagine. I am not a heartless B*TCH to what is happening in dad's life, but again, what am I supposed to do? I am caught between what I "think" of dad and what is being said by the trained professionals. I am caught with balancing how to make sure my son is protected while looking out for Dad. And maybe I am doing the wrong thing in the process. I don't claim to be right, and I don't think anyone can imagine what it is like to be in the middle of this mess. Truly, unless you have been there, it is unadulterated hell. For everyone.

But for the fifth time...what would YOU do in my shoes?

 

[InfantCustody]

Here is my issue with you, IC. The above is what you wrote yesterday. 99% healed. Yet you describe the injuries as:



Second degree burns. split an full thickness burns. You first posted about this on 3/25, roughly 2 weeks ago. I had a patient, a 3 year old who had pulled on a plug and a pot of hot coffee spilled over her chest and arms. deep second degree burns, with no "external skin" left. She was in the hospital for 3 months. Had to have skin grafts.

Now you are telling us that in 2 weeks your child is 99% healed with burn cream alone? Sorry, that is where you lost me. I suggested a special formula that they give babies with burns since you also told us that your baby was failing to thrive (you ignored my suggestion) You also stated on the FTT note that he wasn't making eye contact (??) Many of us suggested a neuro consult, nothing is being said about that now.

I am glad to hear your son is healing, but I also have issues with your posts.

He didn't require skin grafts, so one would assume that is the difference. They used Silvadene at every diaper change. I don't claim to be a nurse, MD or any medical professional. I know what they have told me, and what I have seen on my son.

He still doesn't make eye contact. And he doesn't babble like most babies his age. But he IS nearly 21 lbs, having put on 4+ lbs in 4 weeks.

Someone said the burns had only occurred 2.5 weeks ago, so he must have been putting weight on in Dad's care. If they had read the entire thread, I said dad had failed to use his visitation (his choice) over 12 days because the baby had an ear infection. This happened on his first visit back after 12 days.

 

[InfantCustody]

I thought we were done with the moving away thought?

I gave up thinking about moving away when I was pregnant. I am here to stay, buying a house and am growing my business. That was done lllooonnnggg ago!

 

[stealth2]

Whose decision was it for Dad not to have visitation while babe had an ear infection.

As for the rest... I'll be honest - I (and others, I believe) think there is more to this story. I'm sorry. It's just what I think.

 

[CJane]

Welcome to the FreeAdvice bandwagon, where people jump on just because they can. And some, because the opportunity to kick someone is just too tempting to resist.

Also, I hate that whole "Didn't you know him/her better before you slept with him?"

I'm sure those of us who were with someone long term and who ended up eventually abusing the children or punching us in the face, or leaving us tied to a chair for hours on end while they went to a bar with their friends thought that WE knew the person well enough to know they wouldn't do that.

I'm sure Lacy Peterson thought she knew Scott well enough to know he wouldn't kill her while she was pregnant. Or that at the beginning Nicole never once thought that OJ would slit her throat in the middle of the night.

It's funny too that if Mom WAS here trying to prove that Dad's a psychotic child abuser (which, by the way, she's not done), the VERY FIRST THING anyone would ask her is why she didn't take kiddo to the doctor, why she didn't go to the ER, why she didn't make sure a case was filed with CPS.

 

[InfantCustody]

Whose decision was it for Dad not to have visitation while babe had an ear infection.

As for the rest... I'll be honest - I (and others, I believe) think there is more to this story. I'm sorry. It's just what I think.

It was his choice. I told him I was taking him to the MD, told him what they said, and he said "Then just keep him home with you." So - he stayed with me - per Dad's request.

Well, it is your right to believe there is more to it than you are hearing, but the b@tch of it for me is that there IS NO MORE to it than anyone is hearing. It's just a fact - it doesn't make sense, it isn't "normal" but it is the hell that is currently my life. Dad has no answers, I wasn't there, I have what the MD's say, what the social worker says, and the pictures of my sons burned bottom. So, since that is all there is to it, I would love to hear one person give me an answer as to what THEY would do in my shoes...

 

[Ohiogal]

It was his choice. I told him I was taking him to the MD, told him what they said, and he said "Then just keep him home with you." So - he stayed with me - per Dad's request.

Well, it is your right to believe there is more to it than you are hearing, but the b@tch of it for me is that there IS NO MORE to it than anyone is hearing. It's just a fact - it doesn't make sense, it isn't "normal" but it is the hell that is currently my life. Dad has no answers, I wasn't there, I have what the MD's say, what the social worker says, and the pictures of my sons burned bottom. So, since that is all there is to it, I would love to hear one person give me an answer as to what THEY would do in my shoes...

Has he been tested for allergies? Specifically ALOE? Aloe is in everything anymore. Maybe dad used aloe wipes. But has the baby been tested for allergies, YES OR NO?

 

[milspecgirl]

I would do exactly what you are doing right now IC.

You are keeping dad in the loop while this is ongoing, you are allowing him visitation (while still keeping the child safe)

Since dad cant come up with a reasonable explanation for how the child was harmed on his time, and you have a substantiated CPS case, you are asking the court to modify the order so that dad must complete the CPS mandates before resuming his unsupervised visitation.

And since it has been admitted that CPS can and will take the child if you fail to keep him safe (in their view)- whether they are right or wrong, I would err on the side of caution and go with CPS. Because if they take the child from you- even if you win against them and get the child back- there is no telling what will happen in foster care or anything else and how hard it will be to get the child back and how long you will be separated. So, even though legally you dont have to follow CPS rules, until there is better oversight, I would not risk my child being taken from me.

 

[InfantCustody]

Has he been tested for allergies? Specifically ALOE? Aloe is in everything anymore. Maybe dad used aloe wipes. But has the baby been tested for allergies, YES OR NO?

No. The baby has never been tested for allergies. Dad said he uses Target brand unscented hypoallergenic wipes, I use the cucumber and green tea wipes from Huggies.