Update with questions

[lisagr33]

I hope that it is evident to the Custody officer and judge. You are doing the best you can with the documentation and it seems like to me that you have all of your ducks in a row and that your attorney actually is willing to fight for you and your sons. Good luck!

 

[Zephyr]

I didn't read that as a way of getting out of support, I read that as someone who had lost all hope....

 

[lisagr33]

Thats kinda low.

First off she came to this site, knowing nothing of the legal system and asked a question. Reality is often harsh I realize that but, the comments were a bit over the top.

Second why are you bringing this up? Obviously shes gotten past that stage and LEARNED her rights and what shes entitled to, and now she wants it.

I think someone needs to grow up honestly.

I would have to agree with this. Some people don't understand that under duress (sp?) that people get fed up with the situation and want to find a way out but then they come and find out that it is worth fighting for their rights even when the situation isn't the best in the world and that their children are worth fighting for no matter what.

 

[SITLYNNE]

Here is your first thread here, while you were looking for sympathy, you were given specific advice from a member of the forum who is an attorney on how to file pro se to modify the orders. Your children are old enough to call you on their own if they want. What I am saying is that you have to be realistic about your expected outcome. Last year you wanted to terminate your parental rights to get out of paying child support, that's what brought you here.

Reality.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=218468

Yes, some were sort of sympathetic to me at first. Some have a heart.

I remember being told to go file pro se but never exactly how to do it or what forms to file. Just, you can do it yourself.

So glad you're still able to pull up those old posts, see I could've deleted them a long time ago, but I didn't feel the need. Nothing to hide. I came here for advice and changed my mind after the first response to my first question.
My children are forbidden to call me or have any sort of contact, including third party, the oldest was forced to quit boys scouts because he was relaying messages to me through the other scouts who are our neighbors and his dad found out, he never returned to scouts. Scout master even contacted me and said dad called and told him he found out son was trying to contact me, therefore he will no longer be a scout. They are threatened to be beaten if they contact me, I've heard this, as well as others, including guys here at work who were told by dad to come and tell me that he threatens the boys with beatings and groundings if he ever finds out they have made any attempts to contact me. He thinks it's funny. Some of these people will be my witnesses and have agreed to testify to such statements.

 

[Zephyr]

did you let you lawyer know about these people?

 

[SITLYNNE]

did you let you lawyer know about these people?

No, he didn't want a lot of details when we met last week. He said we'd go over that when we meet before the conference.

Actually, I'd forgotten about the guys here who volunteered to testify. I will have to remember to mention it, I only remembered when all of this just came up again.
There's so much, need to write it down.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Yes, some were sort of sympathetic to me at first. Some have a heart.

How many time do we have to tell you that this is not a rant/vent/support site. You came here for legal information and you were given the answer in post #10 of your very first thread! You have posted another 230 times since then abeit about your boyfriend's problems also, but you never went out and bought the book or took the trouble to do anything about it until now. If your son's overheard any of these discussions about you wanting to terminate your parental rights, the only one responsible for PAS is you. That is reality. Now if you had done something in a timely manner or asked for a GAL to be appointed you wouldn't be here complaining about the same subject that brought you here.

BelizeBreeze What does any of the answers OR the post have to do with termination of parental rights?
...
Then move this thread to oprah.com. This is a legal advice site, not warm and fuzzy.
#10
01-28-2005, 06:03 AM
BelizeBreeze

So why haven't you taken him back to court for contempt of the visitation order instead of whinning and moaning about the unfair treatment? Simply put, it is up to you to bring to the court's attention any violation of a standing court order. You have not done so therefore the onus falls to you to exercise your rights.

As I mentioned several times, I am out of money and still owe my attorney money from the last time. I am not sure if I would qualify for a "free attorney" or if we even have that choice in Pennsylvania. That is what information I need know. Also, if my sons say they don't want to see me, what good will the court order do. It is their choice, as I was told before. If you have any legal information, I would greatly appreciate it, until then, I have nothing else to do but whine. You are not in my shoes.

And whomever told you it was their choice is NOT an attorney nor intelligent.

The children, the ex, nor you have any legal standing to alter a court order. ONLY the judge has that power.

As for legal services in Pennsylvania, there are many. However, something like this is very simple to do on your own. You can afford $20 to purchase a book on divorce can't you? There are many at B.Daltons or other large bookstores.

Otherewise, this site will give you a start on finding legal aid services in your area or you can call the PA state bar association at 100 South Street - P.O. Box 186 - Harrisburg, PA 17108-0186, 1.717.238.6715 Phone - 1.717.238.1204 Fax

01-28-2005 07:08 AM
SITLYNNE Thank you for the information, this is what I was looking for.
The moral support is also nice and welcomed. I am logging off to call the number and check the site you recommended. Thanks again and wish me luck in getting back my sons.

{quote]I remember being told to go file pro se but never exactly how to do it or what forms to file. Just, you can do it yourself. [/quote] Really now? it seems you were given several options and a link.

So glad you're still able to pull up those old posts, see I could've deleted them a long time ago, but I didn't feel the need. Nothing to hide. I came here for advice and changed my mind after the first response to my first question.

but the facts are that your changed your mind about terminating parental rights, but the problem of modifying your visitation and custody orders was also addressed in that very first thread and all you have done is complain since then.

My children are forbidden to call me or have any sort of contact, including third party, the oldest was forced to quit boys scouts because he was relaying messages to me through the other scouts who are our neighbors and his dad found out, he never returned to scouts. Scout master even contacted me and said dad called and told him he found out son was trying to contact me, therefore he will no longer be a scout. They are threatened to be beaten if they contact me, I've heard this, as well as others, including guys here at work who were told by dad to come and tell me that he threatens the boys with beatings and groundings if he ever finds out they have made any attempts to contact me. He thinks it's funny. Some of these people will be my witnesses and have agreed to testify to such statements.

And did you document any of this? File contempt for any of this? Report dad to CPS for threatening and or beating the children? Did you go to the school with this information? I'm not buying it.

 

[SITLYNNE]

How many time do we have to tell you that this is not a rant/vent/support site. You came here for legal information and you were given the answer in post #10 of your very first thread! You have posted another 230 times since then abeit about your boyfriend's problems also, but you never went out and bought the book or took the trouble to do anything about it until now. If your son's overheard any of these discussions about you wanting to terminate your parental rights, the only one responsible for PAS is you. That is reality. Now if you had done something in a timely manner or asked for a GAL to be appointed you wouldn't be here complaining about the same subject that brought you here.


If I'm not allowed contact with my sons since July of 2004 and I posted the question about terminating my rights in Jan. 2005, how on earth would have it been possible for them to have overheard me. Only people who know I was thinking and asking about it are right here in this forum. What is a timely manner in custody cases?

{quote]I remember being told to go file pro se but never exactly how to do it or what forms to file. Just, you can do it yourself.

Really now? it seems you were given several options and a link.

but the facts are that your changed your mind about terminating parental rights, but the problem of modifying your visitation and custody orders was also addressed in that very first thread and all you have done is complain since then.

Glad you got the facts right. I asked a question about terminating my rights and within the first post, I'd changed my mind. Hm, guess you'll hold that against me forever.

And did you document any of this? File contempt for any of this? Report dad to CPS for threatening and or beating the children? Did you go to the school with this information? I'm not buying it.[/QUOTE]

I document everything. Now you ask if I filed contemt when in an earlier post you said I can't hold dad in contempt with out court order. No, I did not call CPS for his stupid threats, don't think they'll come out just because I heard from 3rd parties and over the phone from dad that he's threatening them, I didnt' say he ever beat them. Yes, the school is involved. If you don't believe me, stop replying to my thread. I didn't ask you to believe me. You've called me a liar from the start. Do you believe anyone? Please post one thread where you can prove me in a lie, since you like to go back and reread all my threads so much. Prove I'm a liar, instead of just insinuating it.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I fixed the quotes so it is clear who said what.

Really now? it seems you were given several options and a link.... but the facts are that your changed your mind about terminating parental rights, but the problem of modifying your visitation and custody orders was also addressed in that very first thread and all you have done is complain since then.

I might add, often when a parent comes here asking about how to terminate their parental rights, it is not their real question and is almost always about child support and visitaiton issues. Senior members like BB point it out and give them the means by which to remedy the legal issue/problem. There was no reason for me to even respond on that thread because you were given the answer over a year ago to the same question you asked yesterday, even though it was not your original question. Unfortunately you, like many other posters don't really come here to have legal questions answered, but instead to rant/vent/support and ignore the legal advice given.

Glad you got the facts right. I asked a question about terminating my rights and within the first post, I'd changed my mind. Hm, guess you'll hold that against me forever. [/I]

There is nothing to hold against you, the only one you are hurting is yourself.

And did you document any of this? File contempt for any of this? Report dad to CPS for threatening and or beating the children? Did you go to the school with this information? I'm not buying it.

I document everything. Now you ask if I filed contemt when in an earlier post you said I can't hold dad in contempt with out court order. No, I did not call CPS for his stupid threats, don't think they'll come out just because I heard from 3rd parties and over the phone from dad that he's threatening them, I didnt' say he ever beat them. Yes, the school is involved. If you don't believe me, stop replying to my thread. I didn't ask you to believe me. You've called me a liar from the start. Do you believe anyone? Please post one thread where you can prove me in a lie, since you like to go back and reread all my threads so much. Prove I'm a liar, instead of just insinuating it.

No you didn't document everything or get declarations that could be used in court and you don't have an enforcable order because you ignored BB's appropriate advice.

Now here is what you posted to another poster CJane today in support of her situation and here you reveal some of the reasons why your children don't want to live with you and why your domestic situation is viewed as unstable. This is not PAS, this is what has happened to women for eons, being taken advantage by men and the women allowing men to take advantage of them. And yes a GAL will understand the dynamics of what is happening. When you gain some insight into the dynamics of your self esteem and take control of your life, including responsibility for your actions, the impassable mountains will become hills.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=309830

I'm sorry too CJane. Stressful court battles definitely do damage to your relationship. Hopefully, the GAL will understand this. I'm thinking it may be good that she's female, a little more sensative to these issues. Well, most females are anyway. It's better for him not to move back in, that was used against me at my last custody conference, the fact that in a year period, I'd left the same man move in and out of my house 3 times, he was never gone more than a few days, and never took his things, he'd just go to his parents until we could reconcile, then he'd come home. But, my boys kept dad up to date, and he used it against me. Unstable, is what he called it, even though it was the boys, everytime, who'd stick up for the boyfriend and beg me to forgive him yet again, and let him come home. They say to this day, if I'd have married him, they never would've decided to go live with dad. And during the times he was gone to his parents, no, I did not see anyone else, so don't even think it.
It'll be ok, the GAL will understand. If she needs to talk with him, hopefully they can have a phone conversation.
Explain to her he couldn't take the pressure of the battle and it's better for you girls this way.

 

[SITLYNNE]

If someone could direct me to the thread lock, please.
I've had enough of RMets degrading and abuse, that's the whole reason I left this site and things have only gotten worse. She is not here to help anyone. She's here to take out her own angers on everyone. I don't need that emotional abuse. I've been free and clear of it since I left here and have gotten wonderful advice and in only 2 months have gotten a lot accomplished. Proves my point that her rudeness is not helping anyone here, it only hurts us, including me and CJane.
Sorry so many of you can't see this.
She has never once done anything but bashed me and put me down. Then no other senior members will even touch my questions.
So, I'm done here again.
I stand up for myself now, and I will not put up with her emotional abuse again. I'm above that now. Thank god I got help to see that.
So, how do I lock this thread?

 

[stealth2]

Might be easier to simply delete it. Go to your first post in the thread, click on Edit. Click on Delete. Select the "Delete this Post" radio button and then click on Delete This Message. Voila - thread gone.

Of course, it's possible to simply ignore posters you don't find helpful while still getting input from others that you do.

 

[FrustratedMommy]

I have to chime in I have to.

Forgive me if this makes no sense as I am suffering from the flu.

Her original question in this post I believe was to make sure she understood exactly what her attorney was going for. Nothing else. It had nothing to do with her post from a year ago etc.

I believe her thoughts and understandings of what her attorney is filing for is correct does anyone else have a different thought?

If you cant say anything nice keep quiet.

 

[stealth2]

If you cant say anything nice keep quiet.

You were fine until you got here. Sometimes, situations don't call for being nice. Like..... What can I do to keep my babydaddy away from the kid 'cause I decided that even though I really liked him when we were dating 'cause he was a bad boy, I've decided I don't like him that much anymore? Or.... My ex's g.f is younger and prettier than I am and the kids like her - how can I make sure my ex doesn't get to see the kids?

This isn't a board geared towards just being nice. That's oprah.com. This is a place that deals with serious situations that impact people's lives seriously. Sometimes "nice" just doesn't cut it. Which is not to say that sometimes responses aren't over the top. But a blanket "if you can't say anything nice" policy isn't going to fly. Sometimes a dose of reality is needed.

 

[SITLYNNE]

Might be easier to simply delete it. Go to your first post in the thread, click on Edit. Click on Delete. Select the "Delete this Post" radio button and then click on Delete This Message. Voila - thread gone.

Of course, it's possible to simply ignore posters you don't find helpful while still getting input from others that you do.

Stealth, Do you have any answers to my post?

 

[stealth2]

I think you're in a tough place, but I pretty well agree with Zephyr's take on things. You're more likely to have success with your 11yo than with the 16, but 16 may well come around as he gets a bit older. Those mid-teen years can be hard.

As for what your lawyer is doing.... a lot depends on how you feel about him. I spent a lot of time researching various options wrt custody and all, but at the end of the day I was paying my lawyer because I trusted that she knew what she was doing. But she was very good at explaining the why's and wherefore's and leaving the final decision up to me. So perhaps a candid discussion with him might be in order.

In terms of your other issues on FA.... well.... you're unlikely to get on rmet's good side at this point. You have, however, gotten some good and solid advice from others, and that would be a shame to just quit. Although I'm not a huge fan of the Ignore feature, that might well be your best option. Just saying.