Want to Go WITH my Kids

[GottaGo]

What is the name of your state? NJ
I want to leave my husband but he has threatened more than once that if we break up he is taking our two-year-old. What rights do I have in this? I don't want to spend days calling the police trying to get my son back from his father who has every right to be with him. I also do not want to deny him any visitation. I wouldn't mind joint custody while I retain physical custody. I just want to break up peacefully, both sharing time with our son. What can I do, before I leave him, to try to get this in order?What is the name of your state?

 

[ceara19]

What is the name of your state? NJ
I want to leave my husband but he has threatened more than once that if we break up he is taking our two-year-old. What rights do I have in this? I don't want to spend days calling the police trying to get my son back from his father who has every right to be with him. I also do not want to deny him any visitation. I wouldn't mind joint custody while I retain physical custody. I just want to break up peacefully, both sharing time with our son. What can I do, before I leave him, to try to get this in order?What is the name of your state?

Why shouldn't dad get physical custody? He is just as much the child's parent as you are. What makes you think you are so much better then dad?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

What is the name of your state? NJ
I want to leave my husband but he has threatened more than once that if we break up he is taking our two-year-old. What rights do I have in this?

The same rights as he does if he is the father of the child.

I don't want to spend days calling the police trying to get my son back from his father who has every right to be with him.

Good, because the police will tell you it's a civil matter.

I also do not want to deny him any visitation.

Then don't.

I wouldn't mind joint custody while I retain physical custody. I just want to break up peacefully, both sharing time with our son. What can I do, before I leave him, to try to get this in order?What is the name of your state?

If your husband takes HIS child there is nothing you can do. He has just as much legal right to the child as do you.

 

[GottaGo]

I don't think that I am better than he is, and as I said I don't want to take the kids from him, but I don't want them taken from ME either. I want to share with him. He is a very good father and I wouldn't deprive my children. I think I should have physical custody because I work at home and he works all over the state usually seven days a week. If he had the kids they would be with others/daycare all day. He can see them whenever he wants, but why put them in daycare when their mother can take care of them.
He has anger issues and would try to keep the baby from me just for spite. I would not. This is what I am trying to avoid.

And can you stop being nasty? i have enough issues without you guys being mean as well.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I don't think that I am better than he is, and as I said I don't want to take the kids from him, but I don't want them taken from ME either. I want to share with him. He is a very good father and I wouldn't deprive my children. I think I should have physical custody because I work at home and he works all over the state usually seven days a week. If he had the kids they would be with others/daycare all day. He can see them whenever he wants, but why put them in daycare when their mother can take care of them.
He has anger issues and would try to keep the baby from me just for spite. I would not. This is what I am trying to avoid.

And can you stop being nasty? i have enough issues without you guys being mean as well.

Lady, if you think my answers to you are nasty then I will leave you to those on this forum who have no idea of the law and your potential in a courtroom.

You were given the ONLY legal advice available in your situation at the present time. If you don't like it then hire your own attorney.

 

[mommyto4]

Go to court, file for custody and when you get papers drawn up put in the right of first refusal into your CO

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Go to court, file for custody and when you get papers drawn up put in the right of first refusal into your CO

And how do you propose she do this? They are still married.

 

[nicetryadmin]

I don't think that I am better than he is, and as I said I don't want to take the kids from him, but I don't want them taken from ME either. I want to share with him.

Umm...NEITHER of you would have the children taken from you. You would both SHARE. Thousands of parents do it every day. If you did shared parenting, then NEITHER of you would claim residential status. One parent would ONLY FOR educational purposes, but THAT'S IT!!!

 

[stealth2]

He has anger issues and would try to keep the baby from me just for spite. I would not. This is what I am trying to avoid.

And his issues are so great that you had three kids by him? Oooookay.

 

[mommyto4]

if she is planning on leaving I automatically assumed she would be filing for divorce and custody and it would be something to add, if I am wrong i am sorry.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

if she is planning on leaving I automatically assumed she would be filing for divorce and custody, if I am wrong i am sorry.

Not wrong, just putting the cart before the donkey.

That's why it's dangerous to assume anything here.

 

[mommyto4]

very true point taken

 

[GottaGo]

I know that ultimately once things got settled in court we would both have equal rights, which is my goal. But what I am really asking is is there any way to get some sort of pre-arrangement stating that we would both have X amount of time with the baby when we split. I would have to do this behind his back because if he knew I was planning to leave he would pack his stuff and take the baby and go. Then I'd be stuck waiting until he calmed down before I could see my own child. I just want to leave and have the baby be able to be with both of us, even if it is not at the same time.

 

[mommyto4]

your best bet at this point would be to consult a lawyer in your local area

 

[bononos]

your best bet at this point would be to consult a lawyer in your local area

Most definately!

OP-once divorce is filed for, temporary orders can be added involving custody, therefore, they must be followed while the divorce is pending. (At least, the divorce we are assuming you plan to file for.)