Want to Go WITH my Kids

[GottaGo]

What is 'OP'?
So are you saying that I should file for divorce (I will have to do so secretly), get temporary custody order, and then leave?

How long will it take to get a temporary custody order in place? Will we be able to stipulate visitation schedules withi that temporary order?

 

[stealth2]

OP = Original Poster = you.

Yes, you file for divorce and ask for temporary orders. He'll be served - you won't get them w/o his knowledge unless you can prove that he is a physical threat to the child. Simply being afraid that he's going to take the child as you intend to isn't going to be adequate. You really need to speak with an attorney before going any further. And you may as well ask him/her about your berastfeeding issue while you're at it. Is the third child not your husband's?

 

[snshea]

Hire an attorney. It sounds like he's on the road working & your at home with a baby. You don't have to be divorced to get a court order. After seperation, schedule a hearing & ask that you have custody while he's off working & in return, let him spend time with the child while he's not working. It would basically be the same as it is now but he wouldn't have the rights to leave the state or disappear with the child for more than an allotted amount of time without your written consent. I would also ask for court ordered mediation - could make things much easier for everyone over the long haul & you'd stand a better chance of working out a joint parenting schedule.

 

[GottaGo]

This third child is my husband's, we all know and there is no doubt. Infidelity is not an issue in our relationship (at least none that I am aware of at this point). What relevance does that have?
You say I won't get 'them' without his knowledge - I won't get what? Temporary custody order? You cannot file for these at the same time as you file for your divorce? Or is that some separate proceeding?

Sorry, I have never been through any of this before and am quite ignorant - for now.

My first child is not his. He is from a relationship I had many years before meeting my husband. His father passed away in 1998. My husband will not be trying to take custody of my oldest (they dont get along well). But my two boys are very close. They love eachother very much.
Do judges usually take into consideration keeping the children together if paternity is not the same for all children involved?

 

[stealth2]

You will not get any orders of any sort signed by a judge without your husband being served and being made aware of the scheduled hearing.

While judges do not like to split siblings up completely, evderything depends on the exact facts of the situation. The fact that you are planning to control his access to the coming child may weigh heavily in his favor. (And I notice that thread has conveniently been deleted.) Using your oldest child as a hook to keep the 2yo may backfire on you. Consult with an attorney.

 

[ceara19]

You will not get any orders of any sort signed by a judge without your husband being served and being made aware of the scheduled hearing.

While judges do not like to split siblings up completely, evderything depends on the exact facts of the situation. The fact that you are planning to control his access to the coming child may weigh heavily in his favor. (And I notice that thread has conveniently been deleted.) Using your oldest child as a hook to keep the 2yo may backfire on you. Consult with an attorney.

Same goes for the new baby that will be "attached to your breast for 6-8 months", as you tried to put it.

 

[Ljnsy]

Same goes for the new baby that will be "attached to your breast for 6-8 months", as you tried to put it.

Yeah, what happened to that thread. Seems to have been deleted.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Deleting the other thread re the breastfeeding issue as a means to control dad's future visitation with her unborn child (3 mo pregnant) and all her concern about doing things in secret here seems to pretty clearly declare her intent to interfere with dad's parental rights. As I said in the deleted thread, you can also expect dad to ask for a DNA test on this unborn child once he/she is born, you do understand that even though a child is born of a marriage, in a divorce situation the husband can petition the court to disestablish paternity. You also realize that interfering with dad's parential rights can result in him obtaining custody of the children and you getting only supervised visitation because you are a flight risk. Please understand, tempoary orders are just that and you will still have to allow dad an opportunity to present his side. Considering your behaviors and plans, thus far, dad has a good chance at custody, so you better start being honest with your husband.

 

[GottaGo]

He has no reason to doubt paternity. As I said, it's not an issue. And if he should decide to all of the sudden have a doubt then he can waste his money if he'd like. He'll only find what he knew to be true in the first place. I am not worried. This must be a big issue on this sight b/c people keep bringing this up.

I have no plans of fleeing nor of denying him any time with either of his children. I love them too much for that. I am not being dishonest with him about anything. He knows I am unhappy and I am sure he knows deep down that I am thinking of leaving, as I am sure he is as well. I don't want to deny him time with the newborn either. I just wanted to be sure I could still breastfeed. Breastfeeding is important to him as well. I am sure that between the courts, myself, my husband, and most importantly, God, we will work out something that will be best for the baby. Just wanted to know if that would be taken into consideration. Thank you to those of you who helped.

As I have said numerous times, I have no desire to keep my kids from their father. None at all. They all deserve to be together. My husband's and my issues are our issues, not our children's. Even though I do not plan to keep my children from their father, I am not sure he feels the same. As I said, he can be vindictive. I just want to be sure that all of our rights are protected, most importantly that the children are not deprived of either parent. I know that these are my primary concerns, just not sure he will think of that at first. Don't want either of us to be missing our children, or our children to be missing us, more than they already will have to.

 

[ceara19]

Deleting the other thread re the breastfeeding issue as a means to control dad's future visitation with her unborn child (3 mo pregnant) and all her concern about doing things in secret here seems to pretty clearly declare her intent to interfere with dad's parental rights. As I said in the deleted thread, you can also expect dad to ask for a DNA test on this unborn child once he/she is born, you do understand that even though a child is born of a marriage, in a divorce situation the husband can petition the court to disestablish paternity. You also realize that interfering with dad's parential rights can result in him obtaining custody of the children and you getting only supervised visitation because you are a flight risk. Please understand, tempoary orders are just that and you will still have to allow dad an opportunity to present his side. Considering your behaviors and plans, thus far, dad has a good chance at custody, so you better start being honest with your husband.

He can ask for the DNA test and get one, but it doesn't automatically mean that the judge will remove him as the legal parent if the test is negative. It's not FAIR, but it happens all the time. The fact that the child is an infant works in dad's favor though.

My ex asked for DNA testing to try and continue stalling our divorce. Fortunately the judge knew it was just a stall tactic because he waited until 17 months into the proceedings to ask. I'll never forget when the judge looked at him and said "You can have the DNA tests at YOUR expense. But at this point in the case, I don't care if you have pictures of your wife sleeping with the entire Dallas Cowboy football team at the time of conception, YOU are going to remain the LEGAL father to the children born during the marraige!" The judge then wrote the order naming the most expensive lab in Texas as where the tests were to take place. He dropped it.

 

[kimberlywrites]

I don't think that I am better than he is, and as I said I don't want to take the kids from him, but I don't want them taken from ME either. I want to share with him. He is a very good father and I wouldn't deprive my children. I think I should have physical custody because I work at home and he works all over the state usually seven days a week. If he had the kids they would be with others/daycare all day. He can see them whenever he wants, but why put them in daycare when their mother can take care of them.
He has anger issues and would try to keep the baby from me just for spite. I would not. This is what I am trying to avoid.

And can you stop being nasty? i have enough issues without you guys being mean as well.

Hi GottaGo. I live in Texas. I'm in the same situation as you - I work from home, wanted to leave, but the guy;s a good dad, he would've died to not see his kids often. Here's what we are doing - shared phsyical and joint custody. He has them one week, I have them one week. He works, but he has made arrangements for childcare and after-school care during his week. He travels for work sometimes too (out of the country) but we WORK TOGETHER to make the schedules accomodate things like this. We even have their birthday parties together, and go to the oldest child's school functions together. It's not easy because he did not want to split up, so we do have a lot of emotion and tension around. But we suck it up for the kids. And that is what you must do as well.
Legally, we are in the process of divorce. There might be some issues with trying to get our arrangment legally approved. But we have been doing it for a year now. We also realize as the kids get older, the custody situation may need to change. Whatever is best for the kids. Period. Bottome line. You say he's a good father - why would you even ask for him to be an every-other-weekend dad? If he can find good childcare, and pay for it, then...?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

He has no reason to doubt paternity. As I said, it's not an issue. And if he should decide to all of the sudden have a doubt then he can waste his money if he'd like. He'll only find what he knew to be true in the first place. I am not worried. This must be a big issue on this sight b/c people keep bringing this up.

I have no plans of fleeing nor of denying him any time with either of his children. I love them too much for that. I am not being dishonest with him about anything. He knows I am unhappy and I am sure he knows deep down that I am thinking of leaving, as I am sure he is as well. I don't want to deny him time with the newborn either. I just wanted to be sure I could still breastfeed. Breastfeeding is important to him as well. I am sure that between the courts, myself, my husband, and most importantly, God, we will work out something that will be best for the baby. Just wanted to know if that would be taken into consideration. Thank you to those of you who helped.

As I have said numerous times, I have no desire to keep my kids from their father. None at all. They all deserve to be together. My husband's and my issues are our issues, not our children's. Even though I do not plan to keep my children from their father, I am not sure he feels the same. As I said, he can be vindictive. I just want to be sure that all of our rights are protected, most importantly that the children are not deprived of either parent. I know that these are my primary concerns, just not sure he will think of that at first. Don't want either of us to be missing our children, or our children to be missing us, more than they already will have to.

Sorry but your words ring, EMPTY! You call him vindictive yet you plan to do the same thing. You can pump breast milk and dad can feed baby when he has visitation. You don't hold all the cards and yes, paternity will be an issue so you better figure on that now rather than trying to find ways to keep the children from their father.
You bring up God, but you are not acting in a godly way.

 

[nicetryadmin]

What is 'OP'?
So are you saying that I should file for divorce (I will have to do so secretly), get temporary custody order, and then leave?

How long will it take to get a temporary custody order in place? Will we be able to stipulate visitation schedules withi that temporary order?

WHY DID YOU DELETE YOUR OTHER THREAD???!!!!

Oh yea...so you can get advice that suits YOU!

 

[kimberlywrites]

Still breastfeeding?

Looks like I posted my thoughts before reading through the whole thing. Didn't realize breastfeeding is an issue. But yes, you can pump.
If you are worried about dad fleeing with the child if he gets word of your pending divorce - what I would suggest is talk to the man and propose the joint physical custody. If he realizes you are trying to be fair and not expecting him to be an EOW dad, he might be more reasonable than you think.
You are fortunate to have him as the father. Some dads do not care, and do not want to be involved. So maybe he didn't work as a husband for you, but he is still a father and one that cares deeply about his child.

 

[GottaGo]

why would a child go to daycare when one of his parents is available and wants to care for him???

And I am not sure back and forth every other week here and there is the best thing for the kids. If it works for you guys, great. I am not sure that will be the best solution for us. I am a big believer in stability for children (sucks their family life isn't so stable right now - but working on that one).

I never said I wanted him to be an every-other-weekend dad. We will most likely only be at the most 40 mins apart at the most. He can see them as often as he would like. He will be welcome in my home and anywhere else our children go. If he wants to pick them up after work a couple of days during the week and hang out, even come back to my house to put them to bed, great. He is welcome. If it isn't 'his' weekend and he wants to do something with them, if we both are amenable to it, sure, go ahead. I hope he will feel the same if it is 'his' weekend and I wanted to do something with them
But I know we will not be this adult about the situation when it starts.
And as I said, I just don't want him trying to keep the baby from me when I tell him we are leaving.