Want to Go WITH my Kids

[GottaGo]

I deleted the other thread because Igot the advice I needed, even if some of it was not what I was hoping to hear. It served its purpose.

 

[GottaGo]

yes, kimberleywrites. he is a great dad to our 2yo, and he is lucky to have him. Just too bad he is not as great as a husband/friend.

 

[mommyto4]

I am sorry but you are not being adult about this from the get go. Just because a child is being shared between both parents doesn't mean that is not stable. That means that they are building a relationship with both parents. And if you keep acting the way that you are acting you will end up losing your kids so tread lightly.

 

[kimberlywrites]

why would a child go to daycare when one of his parents is available and wants to care for him???

And I am not sure back and forth every other week here and there is the best thing for the kids. If it works for you guys, great. I am not sure that will be the best solution for us. I am a big believer in stability for children (sucks their family life isn't so stable right now - but working on that one).

I never said I wanted him to be an every-other-weekend dad. We will most likely only be at the most 40 mins apart at the most. He can see them as often as he would like. He will be welcome in my home and anywhere else our children go. If he wants to pick them up after work a couple of days during the week and hang out, even come back to my house to put them to bed, great. He is welcome. If it isn't 'his' weekend and he wants to do something with them, if we both are amenable to it, sure, go ahead. I hope he will feel the same if it is 'his' weekend and I wanted to do something with them
But I know we will not be this adult about the situation when it starts.
And as I said, I just don't want him trying to keep the baby from me when I tell him we are leaving.

You can tell him that all you want. But he is not going to trust you to hold you to that. He will want it in the papers, and rightly so.
Stability? That is going to go out the window the day you walk out the door. So then, you have to pick up the pieces and do what is second-best for the children - and that is equal time with their dad. If you live too far apart to make week-to-week work, then go with two weeks at a time. I know you're not going to want to hear that, but you must come up with something that is best for the kids. NOT necessarily for you.

 

[nicetryadmin]

I deleted the other thread because Igot the advice I needed, even if some of it was not what I was hoping to hear. It served its purpose.

Well then you close it...your behavior raises suspicion among others when you delete because it implies you're hiding information./

 

[nicetryadmin]

yes, kimberleywrites. he is a great dad to our 2yo, and he is lucky to have him. Just too bad he is not as great as a husband/friend.

It is no longer about you...it's about the CHILD!! Your feelings about him are irrelevant.

 

[GottaGo]

mommyto4, I don't think it is unstable if the kids are being shared by both parents. I think it is imperative that both parents are in the child's life. What I think may not be the best is if the child is living in one place one week and then another the next. I had to do that with my first son when he was about 2. We lived in one place for half the week and then another for the other half so I could finish college and he could stay with family while I was in class. It was hard for us always being someplace different and not too sure where 'home' was. If I were working all over the place and my husband worked from home I would think it would be better if they resided with him and I visit and have them as often as I could. But the situation is reversed.
Anyway, the original question was just how can I be sure that he won't take my son away from me so that I can't see him until the court gets around to ordering him to allow me to.

 

[kimberlywrites]

I never said I wanted him to be an every-other-weekend dad.



You said: "I wouldn't mind joint custody while I retain physical custody." sounds to me like that means every other weekend dad.

 

[stealth2]

why would a child go to daycare when one of his parents is available and wants to care for him???

Perhaps because he also thinks that the child needs to separate a bit from Mommy.

And I am not sure back and forth every other week here and there is the best thing for the kids. If it works for you guys, great. I am not sure that will be the best solution for us. I am a big believer in stability for children (sucks their family life isn't so stable right now - but working on that one).

I never said I wanted him to be an every-other-weekend dad. We will most likely only be at the most 40 mins apart at the most. He can see them as often as he would like. He will be welcome in my home and anywhere else our children go. If he wants to pick them up after work a couple of days during the week and hang out, even come back to my house to put them to bed, great. He is welcome. If it isn't 'his' weekend and he wants to do something with them, if we both are amenable to it, sure, go ahead. I hope he will feel the same if it is 'his' weekend and I wanted to do something with them
But I know we will not be this adult about the situation when it starts.
And as I said, I just don't want him trying to keep the baby from me when I tell him we are leaving.

So why is it better for the children to live with you full-time, attached to your apron strings, rather than with Dad? Yes, yes, I know - you work from home while you have multiple children attached to your busom. Aside from that.

 

[mommyto4]

what it is and I have seen it before is she is not getting her own way. In todays day and age it would be silly to deny the father access to the child due to breastfeeding. There are many other ways to feed the child with breastmilk through pumping and feeding through a bottle or gathering milk from a milkbank and feeding through a bottle. Actually attached to the breast is a bonding moment for mother and child and that is all. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding as well. Bottem line is the child can not lose the bonding moments with the dad due to mothers selfishness.

EDITED TO ADD: Doesn't matter what you went through. You have chosen this. If you dont want your children to bounce around then dont leave the marriage home. Children manage and as long as they are loved then in reality they will be fine in the long run.

 

[nicetryadmin]

Anyway, the original question was just how can I be sure that he won't take my son away from me so that I can't see him until the court gets around to ordering him to allow me to.

I believe you've been given the legal answer to this already.
If you keep sitting around on a computer and he makes a move before you do, you could find yourself up a certain creek without a paddle.

 

[GottaGo]

wow. this is just going all ove the place.

So does anyone else have any other advice about obataining IMMEDIATE visitation rights for both parents upon separation?

 

[nicetryadmin]

wow. this is just going all ove the place.

So does anyone else have any other advice about obataining IMMEDIATE visitation rights for both parents upon separation?

Nothing is immediate when dealing with custodial issues. Since you are married, you BOTH have EQUAL RIGHTS and ACCESS.

 

[mommyto4]

she was given the legal aspect to this already.

When she files for divorce ask that temp orders be put into place.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You are not acting like an adult now what do you mean that you are not likely to act like an adult in the future?

If you are planning on moving, DON'T move 40 minutes away, stay in the same community.
If you are not working now, you better figure on working in the future.
You can ask for right of first refusal for child care.
There is no reason dad can't tuck his children into bed in his home.
You don't hold all the cards.
You should have thought about these things before you decided to get pregnant again.