Does she have enough to change custody?

[Proserpina]

(And congratulations - that is the only time I've ever had to edit a post for having too many characters!)

 

[dadinMS]

Stand by a moment Proserpina. I need to hop on the computer to reply. Way too hard on this stupid phone.

 

[LdiJ]

Well I knew it was coming. I got served today. I'll leave out the non-important stuff but I'll type word for word what the petition says. Opinions please?

It starts off with the standard language blah blah blah and says that "The Petitioner (ex wife) is an adult resident citizen of My County, MS"....ummmm she lives in Texas 8 hours away and has for over 5 years. And has a TX driver's license. Do I just deny that in my answer? Then it goes on to say where I live (spelled wrong) and lists the kids.

Now onto the heart of it. This is all word for word, with my defense in bold under each point.

"Since the time of the agreed judgement modifying child support and visitation, material changes in circumstances have occurred which adversely affect the best interests of the minor children. Said material changes include the following:

a. SON is currently in jeopardy if failing the 3rd grade. He already failed the 2nd grade and Respondent (Me) does not help with any school work until it is too late in the evenings.
First of all, he's in 5th grade, not 3rd grade. But yes he is on the cusp of not passing, as previously discussed in this thread. Also, he didn't fail 2nd grade. He failed 1st grade. As far as not helping until late in the evening...my wife gets home from work anywhere between 2pm and 5 pm just depending on how many patients she has to see that day. She gets the kids started on homework and starts helping them, then starts cooking dinner. I get home from work at 7 pm and also help with any homework left to do.

b. SON and DAUGHTER are punished if the petiitioner's (ex wife) name is mentioned or if the children talk about visitations they have with the petitioner (ex wife.)
Completely untrue. I don't even know where this came from. They've never been punished for that.

c. SON and DAUGHTER are unable to talk on the phone or text message with the Petitioner without being monitored by their step-mother. Further the children are not allowed to discuss their home life with the petitioner (exwife) without threat of repercussions from the respondent (me) and their step-mother.
As I stated before, at one point there was a text monitoring app on my daughter's phone as she was 15 and had snuck out. But as far as when they talk to her, they do so in their bedrooms and most of the time I don't even know they talked to her. About 8 years ago they were being little parrots and literally repeating every word they heard in this house to their mom and yes they were told that some things weren't her business. Example they overheard my wife and I discussing finances and our income and went and told their mom. Not her business. There were no "threats" but they were told that not everything that is said and done in this house is their mom's business.

d. Further, the children aver that their step-mother has removed the petitioner's (ex wife) name and number from the chidren's phone so they are unable to contact her as well as removing the petitioner's name from the children's Facebook and listed herself as the children's mother.
Again a complete lie. My wife has never done either of these things. I just checked facebook and the kids don't have any familial relations listed.

e. SON is not supervised and is bought games like Grand Theft Auto that promotes stealing and beating up prostitutes. The game is recommended for teenagers 17 or older. He is also not supervised while watching Netflix or watching television. The children have stated the only time they are supervised is when they speak with the petitioner over the phone.
Yes, he has GTA. Yes he and I play it together. He is supervised while watching netflix and tv. But I can't watch him 24/7 so I'm sure there are times when he watches stuff he shouldn't. He's a curious kid. And I will admit I'm pretty lenient in this department. Is that going to cause me to lose custody?

f. The Children are not reasonably cared for while with the respondent (me). The children aver that they are not given haircuts or personal products on a regular basis.
I cut the boy's hair myself with clippers. Does it get a little shaggy sometimes? Yeah. So what? The 17 year old has a car and is given spending money. If she wants a haircut she can go get one.

g. DAUGHTER is not having her dental care she needs taken care of in the custody of the respondent (me).
I'm assuming this is in regards to her retainer. I got her braces. She had retainers. She lost the retainer at her mom's house last summer. During that time her front teeth grew back apart a bit in the 2 months here mom had them. Also during that time my wife, who provides the insurance for the family, changed employers and orthodontia is no longer covered at all. At this point daughter would need braces again and I can't afford it at this time.

h. SON and DAUGHTER aver that there is never any food in the house for them to eat. The petitioner has been told on several occasions there are only crackers to eat.
This one literally makes me LOL. Would receipts for about $1000 a month for food and pics of the full pantry, full fridge, and 2 full freezers refute this?

i. The children's step-mother is a bad influence for SON and DAUGHTER as she smokes in the presence of the children as well as brags that she only eats junk food.
Yes, my wife smokes. But never in the house or any vehicle. I smoke too outside so I'm not sure why she's singling out only my wife. Oh and my exwife smokes too. As far as the junk food thing...my wife is a nurse. She used to work nights on the floor at the hospital and used to joke that night shift floor nurses lived on coffee and junk food to get through the shift. It was a JOKE.

j. SON and DAUGHTER are not in a healthy environment while in the presence of the respondent (me) and stepmother as they fight in front of the children often. The children aver that respondent and their stepmother may take their fighting into their bedroom but they yell so loudly the children hear every word.
Have we had arguments during our 10 years of marriage? Yeah. Have the kids heard them? Probably. There has never been any violence. No cops called etc.

k. The children are afraid to drive with their step mother as she is constantly texting and driving. The children say she drives like a crazy person.
Untrue. As a matter of fact my wife is a home hospice nurse who drives 200+ miles per week for work. Her driving record is checked every 6 months. The most recent time it was pulled was last month. It is a 7 year report. In the last 7 years she has had 1 speeding ticket (kids not with her she was working) and zero accidents. She's never had an accident.

The petitioner avers that having SON and DAUGHTER in her paramount care would be in the best interests of the children for the following reasons:
1. The children would be able to attend a charter school right next to the Petitioner's place of employment.

2. SON would be able to have tutoring on a constant basis to help with any current curricular difficulties so he will not fall behind any longer and all school issues would be addressed immediately.

3. The school SON would attend has several different extra-curricular activities in which the child may participate. The school he attends now has activities. But the activities he wants to do aren't available until he gets to 6th grade.

4. The children would be exposed to fresh food on a daily basis. SON has also shown an interest in cooking with the petitioner and petitioner would allow him to explore that hobby further. All I can say to this is BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry. Is this valid?

5. The children will have less stress in the paramount care of the petitioner.

Then it repeats who the kids are and what their address is. Then says Wherefore premises considered, petitioner prays that this motion for modification be heard and that the court grant the relief sought herein as follows:
A. Awarding petitioner paramount care, custody and control of the minor children;

B. Awarding respondent reasonable visitation with the minor children;

C. Ordering the respondent to pay unto the petitioner a reasonable sum to be determined by the court pursuant to the guidelines as support for the minor children;

D. Ordering the respondent to pay petitioner's reasonable attonrey's fees and costs for bringing this motion

Whew! My fingers hurt. I know it's a lot but hopefully I've posted it in a way that is easy to read because I really want some advice and opinions here on how to respond to this. I would like to get an attorney but I just don't think it's going to be financially possible right now. So for the moment I want help as though I'm handling this thing byself til the end.

HELP PLEASE. I'm freaking out a little.

Remember, its up to her to prove all of that. Sure you can defend yourself and provide evidence but the burden is still on her.

You need to respond to each and every item. Don't just deny...say what the truth is.

 

[dadinMS]

Has he been tested for learning disabilities?

No, I've talked to his teachers about this and they both state that he doesn't have the characteristics of a child with learning disabilities, but that he doesn't make an effort.

I see where she's going with this unfortunately.

Uh oh. Could this cause me to lose?

Tell me, how many times has Mom requested a welfare check on these starving mites? She hasn't, has she?

No. Never.

Those difficulties DO need to be addressed.

I've been working on this VERY hard. More about that in a minute.

The ONLY issue I can see is with your son's grades. But him almost failing is not all there is to it. Have his grades suddenly dropped? No? Over what period of time? Can you provide tutoring yourself?

His grades began falling around Christmas time. When I initially sat him down and talked to him and asked him what in the world is going on, he told me that when he was with his mom at thanksgiving, he asked her if he could go live with her. She told him that if he failed this year she could get custody switched. He said he was trying to fail on purpose. I can't prove any of that. It's just what he told me. Anyways, when he went back to school in January from Christmas break, I tried helping him myself. In February I realized it wasn't enough so I hired him a private tutor in February. He goes to her twice a week since then and I still help him myself. His grades initially came up with the start of tutoring and are now going back down again. There are 4 weeks of school left and it is going to come down to the wire. Even if he passes I plan to stick with the tutor for the summer even when he's not in school. In my heart I believe he is doing this on purpose so he can go live with her. And if a kid is determined to fail there's not much I can do.

Thank you for your response. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

 

[I'mTheFather]

No, I've talked to his teachers about this and they both state that he doesn't have the characteristics of a child with learning disabilities, but that he doesn't make an effort.




Uh oh. Could this cause me to lose?





No. Never.





I've been working on this VERY hard. More about that in a minute.





His grades began falling around Christmas time. When I initially sat him down and talked to him and asked him what in the world is going on, he told me that when he was with his mom at thanksgiving, he asked her if he could go live with her. She told him that if he failed this year she could get custody switched. He said he was trying to fail on purpose. I can't prove any of that. It's just what he told me. Anyways, when he went back to school in January from Christmas break, I tried helping him myself. In February I realized it wasn't enough so I hired him a private tutor in February. He goes to her twice a week since then and I still help him myself. His grades initially came up with the start of tutoring and are now going back down again. There are 4 weeks of school left and it is going to come down to the wire. Even if he passes I plan to stick with the tutor for the summer even when he's not in school. In my heart I believe he is doing this on purpose so he can go live with her. And if a kid is determined to fail there's not much I can do.

Thank you for your response. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

Does he realize he'll be retained in 5th grade?

 

[dadinMS]

Does he realize he'll be retained in 5th grade?

Yes, he's been told that he'll have to repeat 5th grade if he doesn't pass.

 

[Proserpina]

I think she's going to focus on the school issue. What I don't think she's getting is that there could be a million reasons involved. Heck, it could be because One Parent In Particular is stressing him out to the point of distraction - she had absolutely no right to make him promises like that but more to the point you've actually been proactive about it and he's already being tutored.

She's trying to fling whatever the hell she has at the wall hoping that something is going to stick. What seems to be very clear is that in her mind, it's about her - not the children. She has to prove every single thing she's alleged, and frankly she'd better have a helluva lot more than you've presented here.

The courts are not keen on separating siblings (even step and half siblings) and your son needs consistency, not a Disney parent who promises him the world.

 

[dadinMS]

I think she's going to focus on the school issue. What I don't think she's getting is that there could be a million reasons involved. Heck, it could be because One Parent In Particular is stressing him out to the point of distraction - she had absolutely no right to make him promises like that but more to the point you've actually been proactive about it and he's already being tutored.

She's trying to fling whatever the hell she has at the wall hoping that something is going to stick. What seems to be very clear is that in her mind, it's about her - not the children. She has to prove every single thing she's alleged, and frankly she'd better have a helluva lot more than you've presented here.

The courts are not keen on separating siblings (even step and half siblings) and your son needs consistency, not a Disney parent who promises him the world.

In responding, should I even state what he told me about her telling him if he fails he'll get to go live with her? I can't prove it. Or do I just respond to that part and state what I've done? Should I print all the emails between me and his teachers to show I've been in constant contact with them and not simply ignoring the problem?

As far as separating siblings, he has his 17 year old full sister, his 13 year old step-sister (they were 2 and 3 respectively when my wife and I married and have been raised together for 10 years and consider each other brother and sister), and my wife is currently pregnant and due in August with a boy who will be his half-brother. Do I mention all that?

 

[Proserpina]

In responding, should I even state what he told me about her telling him if he fails he'll get to go live with her? I can't prove it. Or do I just respond to that part and state what I've done? Should I print all the emails between me and his teachers to show I've been in constant contact with them and not simply ignoring the problem?

As far as separating siblings, he has his 17 year old full sister, his 13 year old step-sister (they were 2 and 3 respectively when my wife and I married and have been raised together for 10 years and consider each other brother and sister), and my wife is currently pregnant and due in August with a boy who will be his half-brother. Do I mention all that?

I know it's tempting to mention what your son has told you, but in this case it's best not to mention it. She's sinking pretty low - let her sink all by herself. Stick to the facts. There's no reason though why you shouldn't at least try to get those emails entered. I don't think it would hurt, either, by focusing on the steady home-life, his family, and the solid foundation you all share.

 

[dadinMS]

It is tempting to do that but I know I can't prove what he told me and I don't want to look like I'm just throwing crap out there like she is. Sigh this is so stressful. Thank you for all your help.

 

[I'mTheFather]

I wonder how she'd react if your response included a request for reimbursement of attorney's fees?

 

[not2cleverRed]

I wonder how credible a parent who thinks their 11 year old is in 3rd grade is.

Maybe the boy doesn't mind repeating 5th grade... But what if she registers him as a 3rd grader.

 

[dadinMS]

I plan to ask for a reimbursement of my attorney's fees so that in case at some point in all of this I am able to afford one she might have to pay for it.

 

[dadinMS]

Hey guys. I just posted a thread in the employment section that isn't related to this custody stuff but I figured I'd add it here too since you've all been so great with helping.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

Hello all.

My wife is currently 24 weeks pregnant. She is a hospice nurse. She has been with her company since November 5, 2013, so just about 6 months.

I know she doesn't qualify for FMLA since she hasn't been there for a year, but can someone help me understand the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978?

My wife is starting to have some pregnancy related problems and fears that her doctor may put her on bedrest soon. We're not so worried about they money if she has to go on bedrest. It will be tight but we can make it on my income alone. However, I don't have health insurance available and my wife's employment is our source of health insurance.

What protections does the PDA offer in the event that she can't work because of her pregnancy? Would she be able to keep her health insurance? I realize that if won't be paid and that we would have to send a check for the premiums, but would it be at the same rate it is now? Or would it be at COBRA rates, which I know we won't be able to afford.

Any info that anyone can provide will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

 

[Ohiogal]

Hey guys. I just posted a thread in the employment section that isn't related to this custody stuff but I figured I'd add it here too since you've all been so great with helping.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

Hello all.

My wife is currently 24 weeks pregnant. She is a hospice nurse. She has been with her company since November 5, 2013, so just about 6 months.

I know she doesn't qualify for FMLA since she hasn't been there for a year, but can someone help me understand the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978?

My wife is starting to have some pregnancy related problems and fears that her doctor may put her on bedrest soon. We're not so worried about they money if she has to go on bedrest. It will be tight but we can make it on my income alone. However, I don't have health insurance available and my wife's employment is our source of health insurance.

What protections does the PDA offer in the event that she can't work because of her pregnancy? Would she be able to keep her health insurance? I realize that if won't be paid and that we would have to send a check for the premiums, but would it be at the same rate it is now? Or would it be at COBRA rates, which I know we won't be able to afford.

Any info that anyone can provide will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Contact healthcare.gov if health insurance is not available to you at a reasonable cost (I believe for that purpose reasonable is 10%.) They can help you find insurance.