Does she have enough to change custody?

[dadinMS]

Contact healthcare.gov if health insurance is not available to you at a reasonable cost (I believe for that purpose reasonable is 10%.) They can help you find insurance.

Thank you Ohiogal! We had gotten quotes through there when it first rolled out, and the cheapest plan for our family of 5 was $1500 a month! That did include both our incomes, so maybe I need to requote it with just my income. My income is in the $80k range so I'm not sure if it will be affordable or not. Right now we pay $600 month for medical dental and vision for our family of 5 through her employer.

Are you familiar with the Pregnancy Discrimination Act and what it means? My wife really doesn't want to totally stop working. It's just the pace she's having to keep is taking a toll. She ended up in the hospital once already because she passed out at a patient's house.

If we're reading this Act right, her employer has to treat her pregnancy like any other disability. If her doctor said she could only do light duty, under this Act would her employer have to accommodate that? My wife is pretty confident that she could handle continuing to work if she had a reduced case load or shortened work day, etc. We're just trying to figure out if this act can protect her and make her employer accommodate her temporary "disability."

Thanks again!

 

[dadinMS]

update about pregnancy issue

Update....my wife went to the doctor today and the doctor is putting her on partial bedrest. The doctor said she can work half days and then had to go to bed for the rest of the day and evening and weekends.

She brought the doctor's orders to her boss and they agreed to work around it and let her work half days. She's a home hospice nurse so she was already basically setting her own schedule anyways. They redistributed the patient load and gave some of her pts to other nurses and let her keep a light load and if she finishes those visits and still has time she can fill in for other visits or help the secretary in the office. The plus is that the nurses there are salary so she'll still get paid the same and keep her benefits. Thank God.

Thank yall for your help!

 

[dadinMS]

It never ends....

OK people, talk to me about parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome...my ex amended her complaint to add this to it.

She claims that my wife and I have tried to alienate the kids against her by doing the following:

She says that we have limited her telephone and text message access to them. She also states that we only allow her to talk to them on Wednesday and Sunday (this is what is court ordered by the way.)
I have printed phone records showing the following:
a. From 9/10/13 - 10/9/13, there were 6 phone calls totaling 107 minutes between my daughter's number and my ex's number, and 166 text messages, 10 of which were video.
b. From 10/10/13 - 11/9/13, there were 9 phone calls totaling 228 minutes between my daughter's number and my ex's number, and 173 text messages, 21 of which were video.
c. From 11/10/13 - 12/9/13, there were 2 phone calls totaling 49 minutes and 156 text messages. I think this was a month that my daughter's phone was broken. She also had them a week and a half for thanksgiving break.
d. From 12/10/13 - 1/9/14, there were 18 phone calls totaling 277 minutes and 151 text messages, 6 of which were video.
e. From 1/10/14 - 2/9/14, there were 7 phone calls totaling 219 minutes and 170 text messages, 11 of which were video.
f. From 2/10/14 - 3/9/14, there were 14 phone calls totaling 175 minutes and 167 text messages, 3 of which were video.
g.From 3/10/14 - 4/9/14, there were 8 phone calls totaling 229 minutes and 170 text messages, 9 of which were video
All of these were strictly from our daughter's number to my ex's number. Our son doesn't have a cell phone so these calls include when he talked to her too. Only about a quarter of these calls took place on Wednesdays or Sundays. The rest were on random other days of the week. Should this be enough to show that her phone/text access has not been limited?

Another part of her alienation claim is a picture she got off facebook of a tattoo my wife got on her upper back in 2012. The tattoo is the coordinates of where my wife and I first met, then under that it's a monogram of me and my wife's initials and around that each of the kids' names (my kids with my ex and my wife's daughter from her previous marriage.) I'm guessing my ex is saying my wife shouldn't have a tattoo with the names of the kids I share with my ex? Will this really matter?

She also includes a facebook post from my wife's facebook from 2010 that is a pick of our (me and ex) son, but my wife's caption was "We have the cutest boy ever." And a facebook post from my wife's facebook from 2012 that is a pic of me, my wife, and my daughter (from my ex, so my wife's step-daughter) with the caption "Us and our baby girl."

And then a facebook post from my wife's facebook from 2010 that says, "Calling yourself a parent because you gave birth is like me calling myself Rachel Ray because I can boil water." The thing is, my wife didn't post it. It even says via Status Shuffle, which was an app that somehow got downloaded on her phone and posted a random status each day automatically. Even if she had posted it herself, it's not directed at my ex, or anyone for that matter. She sees a lot of bad parenting in nursing and it could have just been a vent about something she saw at work.

So will this stuff matter? Will the phone records help me? Will the facebook posts hurt me? How to best counteract them?

Thanks!

 

[Ohiogal]

OK people, talk to me about parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome...my ex amended her complaint to add this to it.

She claims that my wife and I have tried to alienate the kids against her by doing the following:

She says that we have limited her telephone and text message access to them. She also states that we only allow her to talk to them on Wednesday and Sunday (this is what is court ordered by the way.)
I have printed phone records showing the following:
a. From 9/10/13 - 10/9/13, there were 6 phone calls totaling 107 minutes between my daughter's number and my ex's number, and 166 text messages, 10 of which were video.
b. From 10/10/13 - 11/9/13, there were 9 phone calls totaling 228 minutes between my daughter's number and my ex's number, and 173 text messages, 21 of which were video.
c. From 11/10/13 - 12/9/13, there were 2 phone calls totaling 49 minutes and 156 text messages. I think this was a month that my daughter's phone was broken. She also had them a week and a half for thanksgiving break.
d. From 12/10/13 - 1/9/14, there were 18 phone calls totaling 277 minutes and 151 text messages, 6 of which were video.
e. From 1/10/14 - 2/9/14, there were 7 phone calls totaling 219 minutes and 170 text messages, 11 of which were video.
f. From 2/10/14 - 3/9/14, there were 14 phone calls totaling 175 minutes and 167 text messages, 3 of which were video.
g.From 3/10/14 - 4/9/14, there were 8 phone calls totaling 229 minutes and 170 text messages, 9 of which were video
All of these were strictly from our daughter's number to my ex's number. Our son doesn't have a cell phone so these calls include when he talked to her too. Only about a quarter of these calls took place on Wednesdays or Sundays. The rest were on random other days of the week. Should this be enough to show that her phone/text access has not been limited?

Another part of her alienation claim is a picture she got off facebook of a tattoo my wife got on her upper back in 2012. The tattoo is the coordinates of where my wife and I first met, then under that it's a monogram of me and my wife's initials and around that each of the kids' names (my kids with my ex and my wife's daughter from her previous marriage.) I'm guessing my ex is saying my wife shouldn't have a tattoo with the names of the kids I share with my ex? Will this really matter?

She also includes a facebook post from my wife's facebook from 2010 that is a pick of our (me and ex) son, but my wife's caption was "We have the cutest boy ever." And a facebook post from my wife's facebook from 2012 that is a pic of me, my wife, and my daughter (from my ex, so my wife's step-daughter) with the caption "Us and our baby girl."

And then a facebook post from my wife's facebook from 2010 that says, "Calling yourself a parent because you gave birth is like me calling myself Rachel Ray because I can boil water." The thing is, my wife didn't post it. It even says via Status Shuffle, which was an app that somehow got downloaded on her phone and posted a random status each day automatically. Even if she had posted it herself, it's not directed at my ex, or anyone for that matter. She sees a lot of bad parenting in nursing and it could have just been a vent about something she saw at work.

So will this stuff matter? Will the phone records help me? Will the facebook posts hurt me? How to best counteract them?

Thanks!

The things she - your wife -- has posted can hurt you. The phone records may or may not hurt or help you -- how many times have you grounded your children from the cell phone completely? Prohibited them from having their phone? Not allowed them to contact their mother? The tattoo -- your wife was an idiot to get your children's names on her quite frankly. Overall, your ex might be able to paint a picture of alienation due to you and the stepmother's postings. Your son and daughter with your ex are NOT your wife's children and she should not be posting things claiming them as HER children. How much it hurts you depends on what other things your ex has.

 

[dadinMS]

I hate not being able to edit from my phone.

A little more explanation about the tattoo and facebook:

It's my wife's only tattoo. She got it to symbolize our family unit. She has helped me raise these kids for almost a decade afterall. And after our son is born she's having his name added as well.

As far as facebook, her about me section clearly states that she has 2 step-kids, Blank and Blank, and a daughter, Blank. The 2 posts my ex got screenshots of are the only ones in which my wife refers to them as "her" kids. She knows they're not. Everyone else knows they're not. I think she did it that way for simplicity sake. She really doesn't remember because they were years ago. She's freaking out now thinking I'm going to lose custody because of it.

 

[dadinMS]

The things she - your wife -- has posted can hurt you. The phone records may or may not hurt or help you -- how many times have you grounded your children from the cell phone completely? Prohibited them from having their phone? Not allowed them to contact their mother? The tattoo -- your wife was an idiot to get your children's names on her quite frankly. Overall, your ex might be able to paint a picture of alienation due to you and the stepmother's postings. Your son and daughter with your ex are NOT your wife's children and she should not be posting things claiming them as HER children. How much it hurts you depends on what other things your ex has.

My son doesn't have a phone. He's only 11. My daughter hasnt been grounded from her phone completely since she was about 15. But even when she was, she wasn't restricted from talking to her mom. She just had to do it on my phone because her phone was put up for about a month. My phone records only go back to September 2013 online. Showing that access hasn't been restricted at all doesn't help me?

As far as calling my wife an idiot...rude much? She got a tattoo symbolizing the family unit. It's her body.

I've already explained the facebook thing. If TWO posts during the last FIVE years that my wife has been on facebook cause me to lose custody, well that's pretty lame. Especially considering that one is over 4 years ago and one was over 2 years ago. If she had such a problem with it, why didn't she do something back then? Oh, because she didn't care.

 

[LdiJ]

My son doesn't have a phone. He's only 11. My daughter hasnt been grounded from her phone completely since she was about 15. But even when she was, she wasn't restricted from talking to her mom. She just had to do it on my phone because her phone was put up for about a month. My phone records only go back to September 2013 online. Showing that access hasn't been restricted at all doesn't help me?

As far as calling my wife an idiot...rude much? She got a tattoo symbolizing the family unit. It's her body.

I've already explained the facebook thing. If TWO posts during the last FIVE years that my wife has been on facebook cause me to lose custody, well that's pretty lame. Especially considering that one is over 4 years ago and one was over 2 years ago. If she had such a problem with it, why didn't she do something back then? Oh, because she didn't care.

Dad...unfortunately your wife's facebook posts and the tattoo show that she has a fundamental lack of respect for the parent/child relationship between mom and your mutual children. The primary idiocy was putting the tattoo out there so that mom could find out about it. Judges don't like it when stepparents demonstrate a fundamental lack of respect like that. You don't understand that (and no one would necessarily expect you to right off the bat) but its really a big deal with many judges and court professionals.

Yes, the phone records are going to help, because they will disprove one of mom's accusations, however, the other stuff is going to hurt. I am not saying that it will cause you to lose the case automatically, but it does add a complication that you would have been better off without.

 

[Ohiogal]

My son doesn't have a phone. He's only 11. My daughter hasnt been grounded from her phone completely since she was about 15. But even when she was, she wasn't restricted from talking to her mom. She just had to do it on my phone because her phone was put up for about a month. My phone records only go back to September 2013 online. Showing that access hasn't been restricted at all doesn't help me?

As far as calling my wife an idiot...rude much? She got a tattoo symbolizing the family unit. It's her body.

I've already explained the facebook thing. If TWO posts during the last FIVE years that my wife has been on facebook cause me to lose custody, well that's pretty lame. Especially considering that one is over 4 years ago and one was over 2 years ago. If she had such a problem with it, why didn't she do something back then? Oh, because she didn't care.

You don't get it. Phone records do not show that you didn't restrict the calls or contact. They show that your daughter and ex have had contact. And no one said it would cause you to lose custody. It was said that it could hurt you. How much depends on what else your ex has.

Who is listed on your son's and daughter's school records? Medical records? Has your ex been notified of all extracurriculars for the children? Is your ex listed before your wife on the records? Has your ex been stopped from participating in school conferences? Talking to teachers? Talking to the children's doctors? Has your wife signed as the children's guardian -- permission slips and what not? The overall picture is what is going to matter when it comes to alienation. Those examples your ex has are just that -- examples. How much those examples HURT you, depend on the other factors.

What do the kids call your wife? Who corresponds mainly with your ex -- your wife or you? All of these factor into the picture of alienation or not.

And yes, I believe it is idiotic to get names tattooed on your body that don't belong to your own children. My opinion. I am entitled to it. Deal with it. Or don't. I don't really care.

 

[Ohiogal]

Dad...unfortunately your wife's facebook posts and the tattoo show that she has a fundamental lack of respect for the parent/child relationship between mom and your mutual children. The primary idiocy was putting the tattoo out there so that mom could find out about it. Judges don't like it when stepparents demonstrate a fundamental lack of respect like that. You don't understand that (and no one would necessarily expect you to right off the bat) but its really a big deal with many judges and court professionals.

Yes, the phone records are going to help, because they will disprove one of mom's accusations, however, the other stuff is going to hurt. I am not saying that it will cause you to lose the case automatically, but it does add a complication that you would have been better off without.

The phone records will NOT necessarily disprove one of mom's accusations. It depends on how many other times mom has tried to call and been denied. Mom is entitled to two calls a week. That didn't happen every month. Some months she didn't get 8 calls... So it may not disprove one of mom's accusations.

I do agree with your first paragraph however.

 

[dadinMS]

You don't get it. Phone records do not show that you didn't restrict the calls or contact. They show that your daughter and ex have had contact. And no one said it would cause you to lose custody. It was said that it could hurt you. How much depends on what else your ex has.

Who is listed on your son's and daughter's school records? Medical records? Has your ex been notified of all extracurriculars for the children? Is your ex listed before your wife on the records? Has your ex been stopped from participating in school conferences? Talking to teachers? Talking to the children's doctors? Has your wife signed as the children's guardian -- permission slips and what not? The overall picture is what is going to matter when it comes to alienation. Those examples your ex has are just that -- examples. How much those examples HURT you, depend on the other factors.

What do the kids call your wife? Who corresponds mainly with your ex -- your wife or you? All of these factor into the picture of alienation or not.

And yes, I believe it is idiotic to get names tattooed on your body that don't belong to your own children. My opinion. I am entitled to it. Deal with it. Or don't. I don't really care.

90% of those calls were outgoing from my daughter to her mom. If there were times that mom called my daughter's phone and my daughter didn't answer I have no clue. I'm not with her every second. I have never restricted them talking to her so I don't know why she's even saying that. She claims that I only allow her to talk to them on Wednesdays and Sundays as outlined in our order. 75% of the calls took place on days other than Wednesday or Sunday. So she's obviously lying. Maybe she didn't realize that I have itemized billing and could show that? I don't know.

My ex has always been listed in the spot for mother on all records. Some years I had an address and telephone number for her. When I had one, I listed it. Some years she bounced around and I would put her name but have to leave the rest blank...can't list info I don't have. My wife has always been listed in the next spot after parent info as an emergency contact. My ex has always lived a minimum of 8 hours away, sometimes more. I needed to list someone who was actually available in an emergency.

She's always known what extra activities they were in and how to contact coaches. She never has though. She couldn't attend conferences. She lives 8 hours away. She was always made aware of them and then I emailed her a synopsis afterwards.

I would say I've signed about 98% of permission slips and things like that. There have been rare occasions when I had to travel a few days for work and they would bring something home that had to be signed and returned the next day so yes my wife would sign it. No other choice. My ex couldn't very well do it from 8 hours away.

I don't see how I could keep ex from talking to teachers. She knows what schools they go to. I've always left it up to her to choose her level of involvement with school and talking to teachers.

When the kids were younger they called my wife Ms. (First Name.) As the years have gone by and they've gotten older they've dropped the Ms. and now just call her by her first name.

I'm the one who does all corresponding with my ex. My wife and my ex haven't spoken to one another since 2006. Other than the rare times that they've met each other for an exchange of the kids for visitation when I was working and unable to do it (our order specifically states that any competent adult can do it.) Then they would text each other something along the lines of "what time and exit do you want to meet at on Friday?" "6:00 exit 15?" "ok"

 

[Ladyback1]

Dad...unfortunately your wife's facebook posts and the tattoo show that she has a fundamental lack of respect for the parent/child relationship between mom and your mutual children. The primary idiocy was putting the tattoo out there so that mom could find out about it. Judges don't like it when stepparents demonstrate a fundamental lack of respect like that. You don't understand that (and no one would necessarily expect you to right off the bat) but its really a big deal with many judges and court professionals.

Yes, the phone records are going to help, because they will disprove one of mom's accusations, however, the other stuff is going to hurt. I am not saying that it will cause you to lose the case automatically, but it does add a complication that you would have been better off without.

Of course, you could also get a judge who sees that stepmom loves the stepchildren unconditionally because of the tattoo, and the Facebook posts.

It's funny though, I seem to recall a few times before today where some senior members have poo-poo'd parental alienation syndrome.

 

[Ohiogal]

Of course, you could also get a judge who sees that stepmom loves the stepchildren unconditionally because of the tattoo, and the Facebook posts.

It's funny though, I seem to recall a few times before today where some senior members have poo-poo'd parental alienation syndrome.

No one is talking about PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME. That was developed by a pedophile. It doesn't exist and is not seen as an actual syndrome. Do your research on PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME -- the guy who developed it was gross, sickening and disgusting.

Parental alienation DOES exist. And it is DIFFERENT.

 

[dadinMS]

By the way, there were 3 months since 9/2013 that she didn't get at least 8 calls per month. One of those months my daughter's phone was broken and not due for an upgrade until the next month. And in that same month she had them for a week and a half so why would they call her when they were with her? Another month I believe there were 7 calls equaling over 200 minutes. She didn't always utilize phone time with them. There were times I know they called her and she didn't answer. And there were weeks that she didn't call them. I've never really kept up with it to be honest. I could care less when she talks to them. That's between them. That's just to clarify the phone call issue.

 

[dadinMS]

No one is talking about PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME. That was developed by a pedophile. It doesn't exist and is not seen as an actual syndrome. Do your research on PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME -- the guy who developed it was gross, sickening and disgusting.

Parental alienation DOES exist. And it is DIFFERENT.

In my first post today I mentioned PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME. Because mom says it in her amended complaint. She flips back and forth between calling it parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome.

 

[Ohiogal]

By the way, there were 3 months since 9/2013 that she didn't get at least 8 calls per month. One of those months my daughter's phone was broken and not due for an upgrade until the next month. And in that same month she had them for a week and a half so why would they call her when they were with her? Another month I believe there were 7 calls equaling over 200 minutes. She didn't always utilize phone time with them. There were times I know they called her and she didn't answer. And there were weeks that she didn't call them. I've never really kept up with it to be honest. I could care less when she talks to them. That's between them. That's just to clarify the phone call issue.

So you have reasons. Good. That is what you need. No one said you would lose custody. NO ONE said that. It was stated that it COULD hurt you based on what else your ex had. good grief.