I hate it, but I'm back with a new question

[mommyanme]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

Dad and I still do not have even a decent relationship. We are down to the fact he is forcing ONLY phone calls, when I have had to concede to this, I have recorded the raging attacks, hang ups and cussing. I do my best to remain business like and when I feel my anger rising I tell him to have a good day and hang up.

When I say he is forcing ONLY phone calls, my registered emails are received by his email address but never opened, snail and certified mail is returned, even to the court and his now former attorney, undeliverable left no forwarding address.

So due to the fact our child is still sick and I can't get a word in over being yelled at and I can't send him written instructions, like our court order says, I filed a request that the court order a parenting coordinator. I attempted to serve by mail, the clerk sent calendar call mail, and 2 separate sheriff's departments attempted to serve him, he never answered the door for the SD in his county and suddenly stopped taking advantage of visitations for the last 2 months when my SD was trying to serve him. The judge set the court date anyway for Monday. The clerk's returned mail is in the file and the judge saw that, the failure to be able to serve him is in there also. What will probably happen Monday? Continuance? How do I serve this man with the motion if he is determined not to be served?

 

[Ohiogal]

Does he live there? Are you sure that is his address? Where does he work?

 

[mommyanme]

No I can't be sure of it. What I can be sure of, if he does and I go check I'll be accused of stalking.
I can't promise he went against the part of the order that says we're supposed to keep each other current on addresses and phone numbers. As far as where he works he drives a truck, if he still works there I don't know either, there sheriff's department said serving him there would be hard also.

 

[stealth2]

The court could order that you serve via publication.

 

[mommyanme]

Okay, Thanks, I'll see what the judge decides this morning. I guess I can see this as another piece of proof why we need a PC. The fact he's dodging visitations doesn't hurt me, but our son I'm sure notices even being as little as he is and whatever we feel towards each other shouldn't cause him to lose.

 

[mommyanme]

Update

Ok, judge gave a continuance due to service issues. In the process I have found that the officers between both counties mine and his, that have held the papers have called and left him messages and continued to call only to never get his voicemail again, one stated the phone picks up then immediately hangs up.
I am in the position of having him served by personal service here in my driveway if he shows up to pick up our son for Thanksgiving, I'm not thrilled with the idea, but the new court date is fast approaching. Also our child is in need of surgery again and the surgeon is wanting to perform an Auditory Brainstem Response test the same day, so he doesn't have to be put to sleep a second time. Our order requires Doctors instructions in writing, I've mailed them, they've been sent back undeliverable, since his tantrum of only requiring phone contact I have placed sealed envelopes in our child's bag at daycare that he takes to Dad's for his weekends, either he's never picked him up or has said I never sent anything, and frankly I have no proof I did.

I am at a loss here and I am beginning to become more than frustrated with the situation, any advice on how to deal with this effectively and legally, without subjecting myself to possible contempt charges?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Assuming that the babysitter is a person over 18, AND that dad picks up child from daycare, the babysitter could actually serve him. You would have to follow the court rules and have the affidavit filed, etc.

As for serving him Thanksgiving, it's not getting him arrested. Might not be the cleanest way of doing it, but it does work.

 

[mommyanme]

Update 2 and A ? for some of the seasoned seniors

I finally got my ex served with the motion for the Parenting coordinator, not in the way I liked, but it got done.

He re-hired his attorney from his last issue and she is on maternity leave, but she has withdrawn as his attorney of record, how does her maternity leave affect him being granted a continuance?

Also for some of the more seasoned vets here, am I wasting my time and money with a PC? I am requesting one because the communication efforts are a bust, he is now down to not answering calls at all and not returning them. Our child was rushed by ambulance over the weekend due to a seizure he had in response to a fast and high hitting fever and they got zero response, I was at work and my cell services was sketchy, so he was the next logical choice for the sitter and emt's to speak to.

I have waited since I filed this for him to be made to notify me when our child is sick instead of just dropping him off at daycare with bleeding rashes and high fevers and for him to respond about doctors doing surgery on our son and never got a response, the only part an attorney told me that was capable of getting me a contempt was the Auditory Brainstem test, since it is a second choice to failed hearing tests and in a way elective because regular hearing tests could still be done over and over. She did say he COULD file show cause for going ahead with the entire surgery, but a judge would more than likely slap his hand for not responding. So my second question is, will I be wasting my time and money with a PC, because the PC can never make him care and current orders don't seem to mean anything to him even with the legal custody because he refuses to be involved and seems to indicate the legal part is my responsibility to cater to him. I'm beginning to feel I will eventually end up spending money on an attorney to modify the legal part of our custody anyway, no matter how many hoops I jump through**************....

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If he fails to respond to a PC, then it may very well be appropriate to file for sole custody so his input is unnecessary. See, he can be difficult with you and you both get blamed. He gets difficult with the PC and it is very apparent where the problem lies.

 

[mommyanme]

That makes sense. It gives me the witness judges want, IF, he responds the same way.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If he responds to the PC, then you get the results you are looking for. If he behaves the same way to the PC, then you have the witness and proof on who is being difficult and can request sole custody for medical decisions, etc. I have the same issue. When I was in court and he was howling, I had the returned certifieds that I TRIED to communicate, but he refuses to do so.

 

[gam]

If he responds to the PC, then you get the results you are looking for. If he behaves the same way to the PC, then you have the witness and proof on who is being difficult and can request sole custody for medical decisions, etc. I have the same issue. When I was in court and he was howling, I had the returned certifieds that I TRIED to communicate, but he refuses to do so.

As Tinkerbelle is saying, this is what some cases need, is someone who can determine the problem parent. I remember when you posted last fall about your son's medical issues, and I told you then of similar ones with my grandson. His dad was not in the picture, the child is almost 3 and dad now has shown back up.

In my court I don't believe we have PC's, however my daughter did get someone assigned to her case, that acts the same as a PC. She made it clear that she is starting fresh, she don't care who has done what up to this point, but from here forward, if someone is being difficult she will figure out who it is. Her concern is the child, and that the child gets proper medical care no matter which parent he is with. Since dad knows nothing about the childs medical issues(which have become far worse this year), dad has a whole list of things he must do. If he does not, he will not get joint legal and his future time with the child will be adjusted and could go to supervised. She has made it clear to them both that she will figure out who is the difficult one, and she will stay on this case for some time and adjust based on either parent being difficult and not working with the other one concerning medical.

So I agree with what Tinkerbelle is saying, that a PC could very well help out with the communication issues.

 

[mommyanme]

Thanks to both of you**************...

I remember you saying that your grandchild had similar issues Gam and I'm glad to hear someone is working with them on this. Our son's issues have gotten far worse also and I would really rather he step up, but I feel sort of like I'm trying to force the man to care when I know that's impossible. In recent months he has avoided visits all together, since September I think he's took about 4 visits total, in November it was just for Thanksgiving. He hasn't attended but 1 doctor visit in the 28 months our son has been here. I know in the beginning I was a "me me me" Mom, but now I'd just like him to step up and HELP parent the baby he HELPED make!!!! Visitation isn't parenting in my eyes, doctors, daycare, friends, being a full continuous part of a child's life is parenting, You call off work when they're sick, you take them to the doctor, you say "well you missed work last time, I will this time or I'll go in late" Or, "we'll both go and sit for 3-4 hours for his surgery" not "do it yourself" or completely ignoring that it's even happening! It's being involved when you have a sick baby and both parents asking the doctors questions and being informed. It's not "I pay you 250$ a month and pick him up sometimes" It's not "I love my child with all my heart and do every single thing I can" in front of lawyers and a judge. But in reallity telling the other parent, "I don't have time, "I have things to do", "I have to work", "I have an appointment".

Okay I'm getting off my soapbox now, I just want him to walk the talk he put out in the beginning and that he puts out to his lawyer and the judge. My son deserves that much!

 

[mommyanme]

Court Tomorrow

I received a reply finally from ex's attorney. If you remember he was served Thanksgiving day. He apparently retained her finally on January 2 and I received the reply Friday, court is tomorrow. So here is my question; due to the delay I had no idea what ex's attorney was going to say and in the reply she put a paragraph that stated. "The parties were just in court in September on a bogus motion for contempt filed by Defendant(me)" this attorney was standing right there when the judge stated I filed in good faith but it wasn't enforceable, and for me to research Parenting Coordinators, give the information to his attorney for her to give to the ex, that her client's excuses were lame and if he didn't agree to the PC then he would show he didn't want to fix the issues.

Due to the late reply, how do I approach the judge tomorrow with listening to the transcripts from that hearing in September, so he can see that it was not what they want it to be believed.

 

[Ohiogal]

I received a reply finally from ex's attorney. If you remember he was served Thanksgiving day. He apparently retained her finally on January 2 and I received the reply Friday, court is tomorrow. So here is my question; due to the delay I had no idea what ex's attorney was going to say and in the reply she put a paragraph that stated. "The parties were just in court in September on a bogus motion for contempt filed by Defendant(me)" this attorney was standing right there when the judge stated I filed in good faith but it wasn't enforceable, and for me to research Parenting Coordinators, give the information to his attorney for her to give to the ex, that her client's excuses were lame and if he didn't agree to the PC then he would show he didn't want to fix the issues.

Due to the late reply, how do I approach the judge tomorrow with listening to the transcripts from that hearing in September, so he can see that it was not what they want it to be believed.

Most judges will not LISTEN to hearings from the past -- you have to pay for the transcripts (which are the written forms of the hearing).