I hate it, but I'm back with a new question

[mommyanme]

Thanks Tink! I have been documenting so much over 2 years that I have 3, 4-6 inch folders full of the "fun" since our order was put in place. That is the one thing I took most to heart when I first came to this site. I hate though that it takes a lot of things, built up over time, that matter, to get judges' attention, but considering my 2 years worth of reading here, I certainly understand why.

 

[mommyanme]

Talked to my new attorney today and she is going to make a motion for co-parenting classes, that dad is ordered to abide by all laws, rules and regs of any child care provider. But he is on an ultimate roll of potootyness(new word ) When I picked up our little guy after work he was laying on a beanbag at daycare, I asked if he was feeling good and he said ....no.. we took his temp and 103.4, so we were off to the doctor. He has an infection, but it's not his ears and not strep. (white blood count was almost 16,000) They started Rocephin shots so I called dad asking what time was good for him on Friday to take little one for third shot.

My response from Dad was he had an appointment of his own at 10am so I asked him what I should do, his response was I don't know they can give it to him Monday. I told him it was important to follow the 3 days in a row and he told me he was not rescheduling his own appointment for his knees and medication because it was more important.

Really?????

I'm trying to see if the doctor would be okay with trying liquid antibiotics, but with a count that high he has always had to have the shots. So I'm lost on how to get him that 3rd shot!?!?!?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Can an urgent care on your insurance plan give him the shot? Might take a few phone calls.

 

[mommyanme]

Called and asked they said no, because my urgent cares don't open till 9am. BUT, while the doctor got angry and gave me a few choice opinions, they switched little one to a broad spectrum liquid. The Dr. was not happy, he said if that was how he wanted to treat the baby he would have in the first place, but he understood my position that either choice I had with him taking the shots caused me to make a decision that could get me in trouble. My choices were to send little guy knowing he was actively saying he was going to commit medical neglect or not send him and I am in contempt. Either way I was D***ed if I did D***ed if I didn't.

 

[mommyanme]

Just an update

My attorney filed papers requesting the use of Our Family Wizard, that we take parenting and co-parenting classes (I already completed a class on the co-parenting a year ago) and we abide by all daycare rules and regulations and laws. That Dad receive a psych eval and abide by the recommendations of that and that he attend anger management classes. I'm not hopeful it will happen, but I am hoping if it does, that it may help manage some of the problems. As far as the picking up and dropping off, I've laid it in Dad's lap to find someone to pick baby up until I find a place that will take the chance with him.

I still haven't found a day care willing to take our son due to Dad's behavior and I don't feel right with the idea of lying and saying I just want care closer to work. (am I wrong on that?)

 

[stealth2]

How do other day cares know about Dad's behavior? Seems like you are setting that up for failure. A judge will not be amused.

 

[mommyanme]

When asked why I want to move him to another daycare is how they know. But I can say something different, I just don't like lying about why.

 

[Silverplum]

My attorney filed papers requesting the use of Our Family Wizard, that we take parenting and co-parenting classes (I already completed a class on the co-parenting a year ago) and we abide by all daycare rules and regulations and laws. That Dad receive a psych eval and abide by the recommendations of that and that he attend anger management classes. I'm not hopeful it will happen, but I am hoping if it does, that it may help manage some of the problems. As far as the picking up and dropping off, I've laid it in Dad's lap to find someone to pick baby up until I find a place that will take the chance with him.

I still haven't found a day care willing to take our son due to Dad's behavior and I don't feel right with the idea of lying and saying I just want care closer to work. (am I wrong on that?)

Psych eval for him = psych eval for you, also.

 

[mommyanme]

I figured that also.

 

[mommyanme]

Found an old thread, Now when does compromising end and throwing up hands begin?

New issue after ex got an extension to pick up by 12pm on Fridays. And I received the rest of what was asked for in this post.

So starting the last weekend in June the ex stopped picking up our S3. There are other things that started at this point but they're not at issue anymore.

So for the first couple of visits he emailed me on OFW that he wasn't picking up "due to work" and he was sending 2 un-named people to the daycare to pick up S3. I responded by saying daycare will need their names on his pick up list and for them to have a valid ID. I wasn't cooperating and no one came.
I offered for him to pick S3 up at my home after he got off work as long as it was before 8-9pm. That wasn't good enough as he didn't know when he'd get off work and back in town.

Then followed 2 months of No notice no shows and I was left hanging finding care for Saturdays. I wrote ex a letter asking him if he intended to restart his parenting time and continue a relationship with S3. The response I got was, "I'll consult with my attorney."

Now we are into October and he has begun sending cancellation messages again, mind you between 3-5am on friday but at least I have SOME notice. each stating "due to work schedule" and I need to be more cooperative and stop working against him. I AGAIN offered for him to pick S3 up on Friday or Saturday evening as long as it wasn't after 8-9pm and he could drop him back off here on Sunday or at daycare.(yes he's responsible for all transportation.) Each message I've sent he hasn't bothered to sign back into OFW until he cancels parenting time again a week later. Again I am not being cooperative and I have motives and it's not about me it's about him and I'm hurting our son.

When does it become his problem to find a schedule that suites him? Or do I keep sending the same offer over and over? Or do I respond with "we have an order" ?

 

[single317dad]

When does it become his problem to find a schedule that suites him? Or do I keep sending the same offer over and over? Or do I respond with "we have an order" ?

C. "We have an order."

If you're willing to negotiate a change, let him know that and have the new agreement ordered by the court. Sticking to orders as written is almost always the best course of action.

 

[LdiJ]

C. "We have an order."

If you're willing to negotiate a change, let him know that and have the new agreement ordered by the court. Sticking to orders as written is almost always the best course of action.

I agree...do you have any idea what dad actually WANTS to happen here? Do you have any idea why he refuses to sign in and out for daycare and refuses to even have it noted that he picked up or dropped off the child. Why he won't give them the names of whoever he wants to pick up the child?

 

[mommyanme]

I agree...do you have any idea what dad actually WANTS to happen here? Do you have any idea why he refuses to sign in and out for daycare and refuses to even have it noted that he picked up or dropped off the child. Why he won't give them the names of whoever he wants to pick up the child?

LD, the past issues were taken care of in court in April, from him not signing in and yelling at the workers. The not showing up at all is new as of June I have no idea about anything with him this is the last emails fully quoted from him and I. There are no correspondence on the weekends in between each message.


On Wed, 09/18/13 at 6:13 PM, <ME> wrote:
To: <Dad>
Subject: visitation
Message:
This is my attempt to get you to restart and become consistent in your weekends with <S3>. At last count you have only spent 1 weekend since the end of June, taking advantage of being a dad to such a sweet little boy. It is completely unfair to <S3> for you to be so inconsistent and to disappear for 3-4 months at a time and this is the 2nd time in a year that you have done so.

I am asking you to either tell me that you no longer wish to maintain a relationship with <S3> or to restart your visitation and maintain consistency with it. Or tell me the times and days need changed and we modify the agreement in an agreeable manner, since there seems to be an issue between your new work schedule and your parenting time with <S3>.

The reasons being, you have increased your inability to say you will not be coming to get him and it is unfair that I tell him you will be picking him up and then he is disappointed when you don't show up. It is unfair to him that you come and go and he will end up not counting on you being available. It teaches him to think you are not reliable and can not keep your word.

It is also not good co-parenting to do a no notice no show and leave me looking for Saturday daycare so I can go to work. I am left hunting from 1pm Friday and short notice for care is not working and costing me $50 each time you bail out.

If you choose to not respond to this simple request and tell me one or the other and continue to do no notification and no shows, I will be forced to request a modification of the court order to rectify the issues and create the stability for <S3>that is currently lacking. This is a best interest issue in every form!

Thank you


From:<DAD>
To: <ME> (First View: 09/25/2013 5:20 AM)
Sent: 09/24/2013 11:27 PM
Subject: RE: visitation

Message:
I will Consult with my Lawyer first Thank you .. And i will get back with you , oh btw No one forces you to anything but your self ...


From: <DAD>
To: <ME>(First View: 10/11/2013 6:53 AM)
Sent: 10/11/2013 2:51 AM
Subject: Work

Message:
Due to work I will be unable to pick our son up by 12 pm . I would Send a Sitter but you have Refused To allow that to happen as you have said in your Past Emails . Which would be in our sons best Interests .. Have a blessed weekend . Give him my love for me thanks ....

From: <ME>
To: <DAD>
Sent: 10/11/13 6:53 AM
Subject: RE: Work

Message:
Again what is the sitter's name? She needs to have her name on <S3> pick up list and a valid photo ID. Or you can pick him up here after work, your choice?



On Fri, 10/18/13 at 4:41 AM, <DAD> wrote:
To: <ME>
Subject: due to work

Message:
Just letting you know that I will be working today , and will not be able to pick our son up by 12 pm , due to work , And very likely I may have to work Saturday also , Which is up in the air , I am doing the best i can , however If i had a Parent that would be more Willing to work With the other parent more , than against HIM , would be great venue for our Son .. Have a blessed day

John 3:16-17

From: <Me>
To:<Dad>
(First View: 10/25/2013 3:03 AM)
Sent: 10/18/2013 10:50 AM
Subject: RE: due to work

Message:
Just like before......you can pick him up Friday or Saturday after work but no later than 8-9pm and drop him off here Sunday night by 8-9pm, since it seems you now work days. I'm not offering this again if you give me excuses like last 3 times times. But you must tell me yes or no. If I don't know you are coming I will continue with my current plans.



From: <Dad>
To:<Me> (First View: 10/25/2013 6:36 AM)
Sent: 10/25/2013 3:20 AM
Subject: WOrking today not sure when i will be back in today ..

Message:
Due to working I shall not be there to pick up our son . by 12 pm .. No one attacks you no one blames you etc, However Only thing i have asked you to do is work With me No AGAINST me and make up these bs things you keep coming up with . I am Not sure Where you are so Worried about What time of day or Night i am Working , However That is not your Concern .. The Scope and Concern here is that YOU work with the other parent , That is All I have been asking you to do , Very simple .. SO Why is SO hard about working With the Father , YOU Make these Demands , But That is not In our Sons best Interests , This is NOT ABOUT YOU its about him And ME ,, The more you Choose to work AGAINST me ,, The Harder it IS on our SON ... So Please i will ask you again With me and not against me , The more you work Against me in your own Motive for yourself, IT Will keep on Harming our beloved Son Kayden ... YOUR COOPERATION and WORKING Together With the Father is very Important , You take things i say and Twist them for how you want to Take it ,, So therefore it is not Attacking you blaming you etc or anything that can be taken out of CONTEXT ... SO i am asking you work with me again .. its ALL i am asking you to do ,..

<Signed his name>



Please! Someone tell me what he wants!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

[CSO286]

LD, the past issues were taken care of in court in April, from him not signing in and yelling at the workers. The not showing up at all is new as of June I have no idea about anything with him this is the last emails fully quoted from him and I. There are no correspondence on the weekends in between each message.


On Wed, 09/18/13 at 6:13 PM, <ME> wrote:
To: <Dad>
Subject: visitation
Message:
This is my attempt to get you to restart and become consistent in your weekends with <S3>. At last count you have only spent 1 weekend since the end of June, taking advantage of being a dad to such a sweet little boy. It is completely unfair to <S3> for you to be so inconsistent and to disappear for 3-4 months at a time and this is the 2nd time in a year that you have done so.

I am asking you to either tell me that you no longer wish to maintain a relationship with <S3> or to restart your visitation and maintain consistency with it. Or tell me the times and days need changed and we modify the agreement in an agreeable manner, since there seems to be an issue between your new work schedule and your parenting time with <S3>.

The reasons being, you have increased your inability to say you will not be coming to get him and it is unfair that I tell him you will be picking him up and then he is disappointed when you don't show up. It is unfair to him that you come and go and he will end up not counting on you being available. It teaches him to think you are not reliable and can not keep your word.

It is also not good co-parenting to do a no notice no show and leave me looking for Saturday daycare so I can go to work. I am left hunting from 1pm Friday and short notice for care is not working and costing me $50 each time you bail out.

If you choose to not respond to this simple request and tell me one or the other and continue to do no notification and no shows, I will be forced to request a modification of the court order to rectify the issues and create the stability for <S3>that is currently lacking. This is a best interest issue in every form!

Thank you


From:<DAD>
To: <ME> (First View: 09/25/2013 5:20 AM)
Sent: 09/24/2013 11:27 PM
Subject: RE: visitation

Message:
I will Consult with my Lawyer first Thank you .. And i will get back with you , oh btw No one forces you to anything but your self ...


From: <DAD>
To: <ME>(First View: 10/11/2013 6:53 AM)
Sent: 10/11/2013 2:51 AM
Subject: Work

Message:
Due to work I will be unable to pick our son up by 12 pm . I would Send a Sitter but you have Refused To allow that to happen as you have said in your Past Emails . Which would be in our sons best Interests .. Have a blessed weekend . Give him my love for me thanks ....

From: <ME>
To: <DAD>
Sent: 10/11/13 6:53 AM
Subject: RE: Work

Message:
Again what is the sitter's name? She needs to have her name on <S3> pick up list and a valid photo ID. Or you can pick him up here after work, your choice?



On Fri, 10/18/13 at 4:41 AM, <DAD> wrote:
To: <ME>
Subject: due to work

Message:
Just letting you know that I will be working today , and will not be able to pick our son up by 12 pm , due to work , And very likely I may have to work Saturday also , Which is up in the air , I am doing the best i can , however If i had a Parent that would be more Willing to work With the other parent more , than against HIM , would be great venue for our Son .. Have a blessed day

John 3:16-17

From: <Me>
To:<Dad>
(First View: 10/25/2013 3:03 AM)
Sent: 10/18/2013 10:50 AM
Subject: RE: due to work

Message:
Just like before......you can pick him up Friday or Saturday after work but no later than 8-9pm and drop him off here Sunday night by 8-9pm, since it seems you now work days. I'm not offering this again if you give me excuses like last 3 times times. But you must tell me yes or no. If I don't know you are coming I will continue with my current plans.



From: <Dad>
To:<Me> (First View: 10/25/2013 6:36 AM)
Sent: 10/25/2013 3:20 AM
Subject: WOrking today not sure when i will be back in today ..

Message:
Due to working I shall not be there to pick up our son . by 12 pm .. No one attacks you no one blames you etc, However Only thing i have asked you to do is work With me No AGAINST me and make up these bs things you keep coming up with . I am Not sure Where you are so Worried about What time of day or Night i am Working , However That is not your Concern .. The Scope and Concern here is that YOU work with the other parent , That is All I have been asking you to do , Very simple .. SO Why is SO hard about working With the Father , YOU Make these Demands , But That is not In our Sons best Interests , This is NOT ABOUT YOU its about him And ME ,, The more you Choose to work AGAINST me ,, The Harder it IS on our SON ... So Please i will ask you again With me and not against me , The more you work Against me in your own Motive for yourself, IT Will keep on Harming our beloved Son Kayden ... YOUR COOPERATION and WORKING Together With the Father is very Important , You take things i say and Twist them for how you want to Take it ,, So therefore it is not Attacking you blaming you etc or anything that can be taken out of CONTEXT ... SO i am asking you work with me again .. its ALL i am asking you to do ,..

<Signed his name>



Please! Someone tell me what he wants!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

He wants to be the victim. Don't you see? You are doing this to him and to the child.
It isn't his fault you are so irrational and demanding as to insist that whomever is going to pick up junior from daycare policy the daycares signout procedures (name on list, valid ID). That's all on you.

And it isn't his fault you won't bend over backwards to accomodate his unpredictable work schedule. That's your choice.


(Please tell me you're picking up on my sarcasm here....)

What you need to do:
A. Get your order amended requiring Dad to notify you 48 hours in advance of his intent to exercise his parenting time or forfeit it.
B. Amend your order to require that Dad be on the hook for the $50 daycare drop in fee if he fails exercise his court ordered parenting time.
C. Stop telling Junior that Dad's coming pick him up--just have him ready just in case. (My dad would pull this and my mum would have us all washed and pressed and waiting and then Dad would bail--so we'd get mad at Mum. She stopped telling us and it was all huge surprise whe nhe followed through.)

OR any combination of the above.

 

[mommyanme]

He wants to be the victim. Don't you see? You are doing this to him and to the child.
It isn't his fault you are so irrational and demanding as to insist that whomever is going to pick up junior from daycare policy the daycares signout procedures (name on list, valid ID). That's all on you.

And it isn't his fault you won't bend over backwards to accomodate his unpredictable work schedule. That's your choice.


(Please tell me you're picking up on my sarcasm here....)

What you need to do:
A. Get your order amended requiring Dad to notify you 48 hours in advance of his intent to exercise his parenting time or forfeit it.
B. Amend your order to require that Dad be on the hook for the $50 daycare drop in fee if he fails exercise his court ordered parenting time.
C. Stop telling Junior that Dad's coming pick him up--just have him ready just in case. (My dad would pull this and my mum would have us all washed and pressed and waiting and then Dad would bail--so we'd get mad at Mum. She stopped telling us and it was all huge surprise whe nhe followed through.)

OR any combination of the above.

I def see the sarcasm , it ran close to mine as I read the blame game message he sent and oh I'm so absolutely horrible! I also knew when silence was the best policy and intend to remain that way.

I did finally stop telling littleman back in September and I just let him play through his "I went to see Daddy" by saying really? What did you do?" My counselor was kind enough to give me that advice on my time. (Its took 2 years with this therapist to see the blame game and react differently then I used to.) I am considering putting him in play therapy due to S3 always talking about dad and I know even now he needs an outlet for the disappointment and missing Dad and I don't really know how to handle it effectively and in S3's best interest except to listen and let him talk it out with "pretend"

I was unsure if I could go back since our order was just modified in April for his previous behavior, but I will positively be requesting what you suggested in short order.