dnara said:
Why should I help him - he brought this all on himself by cheating and walking out on us - if they dont want to go thats up to them. We did couseling - my son quit and refused to go. Their dad deserves what he gets!!
No dear, it is NOT up to them whether they go or not.
A judge made a court order. You are to abide by that court order. The father is doing that by showing up to get them, YOU however, are not following that court order. You are letting your child decide whether he wants to go or not. It's not his choice. A JUDGE made that choice. The COURT is who has jurisdiction over your son in this case. Not you, not your ex, but the court.
If you don't tell your child to go, try your damdest to make him go... you can face fines, jail time, or even a custody reversal, meaning YOU would be on the visiting end. How would you like it if your ex told you, "Well, he don't wanna go, so I ain't making him".
That's your stance in this. If he doesn't want to go, you won't do a thing about that. You are under a court order. Not following that court order is called contempt. Enough contempts, and it's not a civil matter any longer, it gets bumped up to criminal. That's when you face jail. Enough denial of visitation, and it's possible grounds for a custody change.
Don't sit there and say that you can't "make" him go, that it's his choice. Who is the parent here? Who is the one under the court order? Who is the one that could face fines or jail time? Certainly not your son, and not your ex. So who does that leave?
If he doesn't want to go, then you go back to court and try to modify the current visitation agreement to reflect that. However, unless and until that is done, each time dad shows up Jr. better get his ass in that car, or he's putting YOUR ass further and further in a sling.
Your child should know nothing about any affairs. He's a child for Cripe's sake! Wonder who told him about that, eh? Children shouldn't be burdened with adult things, and we shouldn't use them as our sounding boards or leaning posts. I don't care how "mature" you think your child is, NO child wants to hear the intricate details of their parent's sex life or lack of morals. What the hell are you teaching them by telling them such things? Oh wait... honesty, right? You're being honest with them....
Well, your honesty may just come back to bite you in the ass. Because of your "honesty", your son hates his father, doesn't want to go on visitation, and you are under a court order that says he has to go. Guess who is between a rock and a hard place?
Like you said earlier.... "Their dad deserves what he gets!"
So does their mom.