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There's also the issue of terminating parental rights.
I find it interesting that you refuse to force your children to exercise visitation with their father, probably out of some misguided belief that children should be free to make their own decisions and imposing someone elses wishes on them would be damaging.
Yet, it's perfectly acceptable for you to assist their father in terminating his parental obligations to them.
Have you ANY idea what kind of long term emotional damage this is going to do to your children? If their issues about the affair and subsequent divorce aren't enough, their father is going to "officially" abandon them.
Kids that age have no business knowing the details of what went on between you and their father. And if they do know, due to some unfortunate circumstance, it is still your duty to foster a parental relationship between the children and their father if ONLY for the benefit of your children's long term emotional well being. If you truly care about your children you will give this some serious thought. Your ex-husband is obviously at the point of complete frustration with the issue and while it may due to his own actions, encouraging and continuing the situation isn't benefiting your kids.
I find it interesting that you refuse to force your children to exercise visitation with their father, probably out of some misguided belief that children should be free to make their own decisions and imposing someone elses wishes on them would be damaging.
Yet, it's perfectly acceptable for you to assist their father in terminating his parental obligations to them.
Have you ANY idea what kind of long term emotional damage this is going to do to your children? If their issues about the affair and subsequent divorce aren't enough, their father is going to "officially" abandon them.
Kids that age have no business knowing the details of what went on between you and their father. And if they do know, due to some unfortunate circumstance, it is still your duty to foster a parental relationship between the children and their father if ONLY for the benefit of your children's long term emotional well being. If you truly care about your children you will give this some serious thought. Your ex-husband is obviously at the point of complete frustration with the issue and while it may due to his own actions, encouraging and continuing the situation isn't benefiting your kids.
D
dnara
Guest
How would I get fined?? He leaves without the kid - isnt his responsibility to make them go??? He leaves without them!
D
dnara
Guest
No, he is supposed to come and get them and I am not taking them when they dont want to go.
I dont think I can get in trouble cause no one here will tell me what will happen if they dont go!!!
I dont think I can get in trouble cause no one here will tell me what will happen if they dont go!!!
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
dnara said:
Uuuh, I think I did tell you. And it IS YOUR responsibility to do everything possible to make them go. Most likely, a judge would only slap you on the wrist the first time and tell you to work a little harder in persuading them. Your passive-aggressive stance isn't likely to sit well with him/her, tho.
dnara,
If your son is having this much bitterness about his dad, why don't you put him in some type of counseling so that they can repair their relationship. This man comes on all his visitation days, knowing rejection is coming, and you say there is nothing you can do. He doesnt hate his dad, he is hurt, and you are enforcing his hurt and pain and so is his dad by wanting to give up his rights. Both of you are a sad lot.
If your son is having this much bitterness about his dad, why don't you put him in some type of counseling so that they can repair their relationship. This man comes on all his visitation days, knowing rejection is coming, and you say there is nothing you can do. He doesnt hate his dad, he is hurt, and you are enforcing his hurt and pain and so is his dad by wanting to give up his rights. Both of you are a sad lot.
B
Born to Lease
Guest
You have been told exactly what is going to happen! Your children are innocent victims of your anger and bitterness, and they are going to pay for your issues for the rest of their lives. And then they are going to resent you for the rest of their lives, which is going to hurt them far more than it hurts you!
Your children are not responsible for your husband choosing to seek sexual pleasure elsewhere! It seems to me your husband is at the point of doing whatever it takes to end all his involvment with you as soon as possible, and also it sounds like you have used GUILT to influence his decision. After all, I am sure he feels badly that you chose to put these children in the middle of you problems and he is thinking that by ending all of this quickly it will end the children's pain they are suffering from all of YOUR
SH%(*#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your children need some help with all of this, but they also need for you to help them, by getting some help for yourself NOW--you should have done this a long time ago!
Your children are not responsible for your husband choosing to seek sexual pleasure elsewhere! It seems to me your husband is at the point of doing whatever it takes to end all his involvment with you as soon as possible, and also it sounds like you have used GUILT to influence his decision. After all, I am sure he feels badly that you chose to put these children in the middle of you problems and he is thinking that by ending all of this quickly it will end the children's pain they are suffering from all of YOUR
SH%(*#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your children need some help with all of this, but they also need for you to help them, by getting some help for yourself NOW--you should have done this a long time ago!
D
dnara
Guest
Why should I help him - he brought this all on himself by cheating and walking out on us - if they dont want to go thats up to them. We did couseling - my son quit and refused to go. Their dad deserves what he gets!!
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
dnara said:
So you punish the child for the sins of the father. Dad didn't walk out on his kids - he walked out on YOU. What a shame that you are allowing your anger to poison your son.
(edit) and I'd suggest you get counseling for yourself to get past your bitterness so that you can help your boys.
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dnara
Guest
Well he just says that since he doesnt see the kid and since he thinks the kid is being forced to choose between parents he will make the decision to step aside to stop he sons angst - whatever!! He just comes here every weekend to be a pain in my butt - he knows the kid wont go - my x hasnt called a lawyer on me and he wont
Whyte Noise
Senior Member
dnara said:
No dear, it is NOT up to them whether they go or not.
A judge made a court order. You are to abide by that court order. The father is doing that by showing up to get them, YOU however, are not following that court order. You are letting your child decide whether he wants to go or not. It's not his choice. A JUDGE made that choice. The COURT is who has jurisdiction over your son in this case. Not you, not your ex, but the court.
If you don't tell your child to go, try your damdest to make him go... you can face fines, jail time, or even a custody reversal, meaning YOU would be on the visiting end. How would you like it if your ex told you, "Well, he don't wanna go, so I ain't making him".
That's your stance in this. If he doesn't want to go, you won't do a thing about that. You are under a court order. Not following that court order is called contempt. Enough contempts, and it's not a civil matter any longer, it gets bumped up to criminal. That's when you face jail. Enough denial of visitation, and it's possible grounds for a custody change.
Don't sit there and say that you can't "make" him go, that it's his choice. Who is the parent here? Who is the one under the court order? Who is the one that could face fines or jail time? Certainly not your son, and not your ex. So who does that leave?
If he doesn't want to go, then you go back to court and try to modify the current visitation agreement to reflect that. However, unless and until that is done, each time dad shows up Jr. better get his ass in that car, or he's putting YOUR ass further and further in a sling.
Your child should know nothing about any affairs. He's a child for Cripe's sake! Wonder who told him about that, eh? Children shouldn't be burdened with adult things, and we shouldn't use them as our sounding boards or leaning posts. I don't care how "mature" you think your child is, NO child wants to hear the intricate details of their parent's sex life or lack of morals. What the hell are you teaching them by telling them such things? Oh wait... honesty, right? You're being honest with them....
Well, your honesty may just come back to bite you in the ass. Because of your "honesty", your son hates his father, doesn't want to go on visitation, and you are under a court order that says he has to go. Guess who is between a rock and a hard place?
Like you said earlier.... "Their dad deserves what he gets!"
So does their mom.
I think................
Maybe the poster is imposing her hatred of the father onto the child. A. The child shouldn't really know the father had an affair unless poster decided to let the child in on all the nasty details of the marriage. B. Her unwillingness to help the father out in any aspect with this child going to visitation, major signs of PAS here.
JMO.
In this whole thing, I feel for this child, 13 or not, his life is screwed up majorly.
Parents putting kids in the midst of their war/wars, whether one sided or not, are the worst kind out there.
Lissa68
P.S. Sorry so blunt, but JMO
Maybe the poster is imposing her hatred of the father onto the child. A. The child shouldn't really know the father had an affair unless poster decided to let the child in on all the nasty details of the marriage. B. Her unwillingness to help the father out in any aspect with this child going to visitation, major signs of PAS here.
JMO.
In this whole thing, I feel for this child, 13 or not, his life is screwed up majorly.
Parents putting kids in the midst of their war/wars, whether one sided or not, are the worst kind out there.
Lissa68
P.S. Sorry so blunt, but JMO
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