Unwed father-to-be part 2

[longislandguy]

Texas is pretty great.

 

[Just Blue]

We all can...but there are no other examples of guidelines that are as comprehensive as Indiana's, or we would refer people to those too.

Its a great place to get ideas about all kinds of issues.

Don't agree. NY will deal with this as they see fit. NOT based on another state guideline...unless the OP is mis-informed that "that is the rule" for a baby and he aquiesed (sp?).

 

[CJane]

Texas is pretty great.

Texas has a great standard plan as well - for both parents who live near each other, and parents who live far away.

In fact, if you're looking for a "better long distance plan" to suggest to OP, Texas would be a great place to start. But then, you might get yelled at for not knowing that Texas and NY are different places.

 

[CJane]

Interestingly, Indiana, IN THEIR GUIDELINES suggest that people look at other state's guidelines when developing a parenting plan. To include specifically, AZ, MO and MI.

Perhaps the entire state of Indiana doesn't know it's not the same place as any of those other three places?

http://www.in.gov/judiciary/files/rules-prop-ptg-2012.pdf

And really. Every other weekend, one evening each week, half the summer and alternating holidays is "one of the most restrictive plans"? On what planet, exactly?

 

[Just Blue]

Texas has a great standard plan as well - for both parents who live near each other, and parents who live far away.

In fact, if you're looking for a "better long distance plan" to suggest to OP, Texas would be a great place to start. But then, you might get yelled at for not knowing that Texas and NY are different places.

Come on CJ...You are wicked good at looking up stats/case law ...Why IN for this OP? And, BTW, no one "yelled".

 

[CJane]

Assuming that the baby is in daycare for 8 hours on a given day, wouldn't that indicate that the infant is okay to be away from mom for more than an hour or two? What if I expressed desire to watch the baby during those 8 hours that she would normally be in daycare. Wouldn't that make more sense to everyone involved than having mom pay a third party to babysit?

Regarding child development... to develop a close bond, and the idea that when you leave you'll come back, a child needs frequent contact. Think of it as an extended game of peekaboo or hide and seek. If you're playing peekaboo with a baby, you "hide" for very short periods of time, and then "come back". That's because a baby doesn't know that you're still there if they can't see you... they're surprised every time, right? As the infant ages and develops a better sense of object permanence, you can "hide" for longer periods of time.

Frequent visits work the same way. They function to teach the child that you're not "gone forever" when you walk out the door or drop the child off. In a daycare situation, you aren't really looking for a sense of parental bonding, so things like the turnover rate at the center, the shifts that people work (ensuring that the same person is with the child all the time), etc aren't of primary concern.

 

[Proserpina]

Interestingly, Indiana, IN THEIR GUIDELINES suggest that people look at other state's guidelines when developing a parenting plan. To include specifically, AZ, MO and MI.

Perhaps the entire state of Indiana doesn't know it's not the same place as any of those other three places?

http://www.in.gov/judiciary/files/rules-prop-ptg-2012.pdf

And really. Every other weekend, one evening each week, half the summer and alternating holidays is "one of the most restrictive plans"? On what planet, exactly?

Here's an example of a restrictive plan. Ordered in Wisconsin earlier this year.

Supervised.
Not allowed to talk about Mom and/or her new husband or ask what may be leading questions; no whispering to the child - Dad must remain within earshot of the supervisor; let the VERY young child lead the conversations and activities; no photos can be taken of child; if female child needs to use the bathroom, supervisor must accompany child; Dad pays ALL costs involved; no rough-housing; if the supervisor believes the visit is not following these (almost insanely) restrictive orders, visitation shall end and there will be no make-up time; Dad has to be there 15 minutes prior to the scheduled time and cannot leave until 15 minutes after the visitation time.

There was a bunch of other stuff.

And this was a father who had no history of neglecting or abusing the child. He is something of a whack job, sure - but seriously, I've never seen such a restricted parenting plan.

Now I've gone and forgotten why I mentioned it.

Darn age creeping up on me!

 

[CJane]

Come on CJ...You are wicked good at looking up stats/case law ...Why IN for this OP? And, BTW, no one "yelled".

Because Indiana is the first state that I think of when I think of a standard phased in parenting plan. And this OP is going to wind up with a phased in plan.

When someone wants to know about a parenting plan for long distances, I think of TX. In fact, I'd recommend that OP look at using TX's plan for when the child is older.

It really is that simple.

 

[longislandguy]

In new York its best just to write your own order. Looking at as many parent plans for standard stipulations like rofr and holiday guidelines and transportation clauses is nice, but I would double any parenting time they list and end with 50/50 in ny.

 

[Just Blue]

Because Indiana is the first state that I think of when I think of a standard phased in parenting plan. And this OP is going to wind up with a phased in plan.

When someone wants to know about a parenting plan for long distances, I think of TX. In fact, I'd recommend that OP look at using TX's plan for when the child is older.

It really is that simple.

IN and TX. Interesting.

My first thought is to advise to use the serch fuction for New York.

 

[longislandguy]

Because of school? They should be 50/50 way before the child starts school and I don't believe a loving father would continue to live at that distance very long. If he does he's hurting his child

 

[CJane]

IN and TX. Interesting.

My first thought is to advise to use the serch fuction for New York.

Well then, while you're here, why don't you offer that advice? Because you haven't offered any yet, you're just pointing out everyone else's geographical lackings.

 

[longislandguy]

Now that im think about it. Has anyone seen a long distance plan where the guideline for long distance is only an hour, Texas is 100 miles at an average speed of 45mph, that's over 2hrs.

I'm not sure if this qualifies as long distance to begin with

 

[Just Blue]

Well then, while you're here, why don't you offer that advice? Because you haven't offered any yet, you're just pointing out everyone else's geographical lackings.

Actually I did. Re-read my postings.

 

[TheGeekess]

Now that im think about it. Has anyone seen a long distance plan where the guideline for long distance is only an hour, Texas is 100 miles at an average speed of 45mph, that's over 2hrs.

I'm not sure if this qualifies as long distance to begin with

It does in TX.