OT: High school senior sues parents for continued support

[CJane]

The school's padding their numbers so they look good to prospective students.

Same reason the SEC allows Vanderbilt to stay in the league.

Same reason my high school turned a blind eye towards athletes' truancy during the "season", but suspended them afterward. Or, my high school counselor let me continue being truant as long as I kept my grades up so that they had one more kid in the SPED/Gifted program.

The school isn't holding a fundraiser to keep her tuition paid because they're just THAT altruistic. They can't afford to lose an honor student AND they can't afford to kick out a kid who has made herself famous.

 

[Ladyback1]

I fully agree with this. A CHILD living in the home can be subject to rules a child would follow. Come home at a certain hour, keep grades up in school even if they're holding down a job, chores, be respectful etc. But a legal ADULT living in the home means a whole new set of rules. Parents can't say "you're an adult now so be an adult" while still trying to run the show is if they're still a child. It just can't be both. A child living in the home gets a curfew, a legal adult living in the home should give a reasonable time in which they'll return and a call if they don't. Rent should then be paid even if its a small amount. Personal expenses start being paid by the legal adult. All the things that go along with being an adult should come into play once the magical adult age is hit. Nothing makes me crazier than seeing parents say their kids are adults and should do adult things while still playing the nonsense of telling them they still have to abide by childlike rules. They're either adults or they're not.

Parents also can't tell their ADULT children who they can and cannot date. They lose that right when their kids stop being legal kids.

According to New Jersey law, little Miss "Thang" was not an adult, until she decided to move out and get away from her parents influence and such!

She behaved like a child, thus she should have been treated as a child.

 

[RRevak]

According to New Jersey law, little Miss "Thang" was not an adult, until she decided to move out and get away from her parents influence and such!

She behaved like a child, thus she should have been treated as a child.

Oh no, my post was really just a general thought. As far as my thoughts on THIS chica, well, i'm hoping she gets slapped down for being the spoiled brat she is!

BUT...and this is a huge but...since we don't REALLY know what went on in the house between her and her parents, and we don't REALLY know what rules she may or may not have had, we can't 100% know how things went down at home. We have ONLY what the media is showing us and since we all know how the media works, can't know for certain that all the facts are being presented honestly. We can only speculate based on the small amount of information we're getting which may not be the whole picture on either side.

 

[cbg]

Pick one answer:

A.) I am a child. I live in my parent's home and they pay my support. I follow the rules they set.

B.) I am an adult, on my own. I live where I choose, pay my own bills, and make my own decisions on the rules.


You don't get to have it both ways. Please note the absence of option C: - I am a child when it comes to paying the bills but an adult when it comes to deciding what rules I'm going to follow.

Many a teenager has interpreted, "If you're going to live here you have to follow the house rules" as, "I'm kicking you out for not following the rules" rather than, "Start following the rules".

 

[RRevak]

Pick one answer:

A.) I am a child. I live in my parent's home and they pay my support. I follow the rules they set.

B.) I am an adult, on my own. I live where I choose, pay my own bills, and make my own decisions on the rules.


You don't get to have it both ways. Please note the absence of option C: - I am a child when it comes to paying the bills but an adult when it comes to deciding what rules I'm going to follow.

Many a teenager has interpreted, "If you're going to live here you have to follow the house rules" as, "I'm kicking you out for not following the rules" rather than, "Start following the rules".

Then there is option D: I am a legal adult, I pay my own expenses, but still live at home because I can't yet afford to move out on my own or am a senior still finishing high school.
Should that person still be subject to childlike "parental" rules?

 

[CJane]

Then there is option D: I am a legal adult, I pay my own expenses, but still live at home because I can't yet afford to move out on my own or am a senior still finishing high school.
Should that person still be subject to childlike "parental" rules?

All three of my children will turn 18 mid-way through their senior year in high school. All of them have been raised with a very clear understanding that the rules in my household will continue to apply to them once they hit the not-so-magical age of majority. The eldest will be 18 in December. She knows that is not her ticket to adulthood.

 

[RRevak]

CBG then here is this scenario: A 23yr old woman lives at home. She works full time and attends community college on a part time basis. She pays all her own personal expenses, car insurance on a car she purchased with her own money, pays her own food expenses and a small amount of rent, but does not pay overall household expenses. She is told she must abide by a curfew of 1 AM her parents set, is told who she can and cannot have over, and that the person she dates must be approved by them (religious family) and they justify this because she is "living under their roof". Should they still be allowed to tell their adult child that she must have a curfew and how her life must be run simply on the basis that she lives there?

 

[Proserpina]

A Baldwin: Idiot parent who took it upon himself to verbally abuse his then-quite young daughter...and looked really bad when that voicemail was leaked to the press.. See "Alec Baldwin"

Reverse Baldwin: Snotty brat who did the same to a parent

Completely made up on the spot, by me. (The terminology that is - I couldn't have made up those voicemails if I tried)

 

[RRevak]

All three of my children will turn 18 mid-way through their senior year in high school. All of them have been raised with a very clear understanding that the rules in my household will continue to apply to them once they hit the not-so-magical age of majority. The eldest will be 18 in December. She knows that is not her ticket to adulthood.

Do you still expect her to pay her own expenses and contribute financially to the household?

 

[CJane]

Do you still expect her to pay her own expenses and contribute financially to the household?

I already expect her to cover most of her own expenses - at 17. Have expected her to, actually, since she got her first job at 16.

And if she were 28 and living in my household? You can bet that she would still have to ask before having people over, and I would have the power to veto guests. Because that's how adults who share space behave.

But what I was specifically responding to was the bolded:

Then there is option D: I am a legal adult, I pay my own expenses, but still live at home because I can't yet afford to move out on my own or am a senior still finishing high school.
Should that person still be subject to childlike "parental" rules?

 

[TheGeekess]

CBG then here is this scenario: A 23yr old woman lives at home. She works full time and attends community college on a part time basis. She pays all her own personal expenses, car insurance on a car she purchased with her own money, pays her own food expenses and a small amount of rent, but does not pay overall household expenses. She is told she must abide by a curfew of 1 AM her parents set, is told who she can and cannot have over, and that the person she dates must be approved by them (religious family) and they justify this because she is "living under their roof". Should they still be allowed to tell their adult child that she must have a curfew and how her life must be run simply on the basis that she lives there?

Why not? Landlords can make all sorts of rules.

ETA: And when I go see my folks? I follow their rules. Dad got ticked off at The Boyfriend for some imagined slight. The Boyfriend was not allowed on Dad's property. I honored that; wasn't real happy about it, but I honored it anyway. No smoking in their house. Unmarried couples do not share a bedroom. Mom and Dad's House Rules: Follow them or don't come over.

 

[wavehopper27]

Then there is option D: I am a legal adult, I pay my own expenses, but still live at home because I can't yet afford to move out on my own or am a senior still finishing high school.
Should that person still be subject to childlike "parental" rules?

If you still live at home because you can't yet afford to move out on your own or are a senior still finishing high school you are NOT paying your own expenses and still require financial assistance.

Think of it as a job. I pay you a salary in the form of room, board, clothes and utilites. In exchange, you follow the rules of the house. Just like a job, feel free to quit anytime you like, but the "salary" goes away too.

 

[Proserpina]

CBG then here is this scenario: A 23yr old woman lives at home. She works full time and attends community college on a part time basis. She pays all her own personal expenses, car insurance on a car she purchased with her own money, pays her own food expenses and a small amount of rent, but does not pay overall household expenses. She is told she must abide by a curfew of 1 AM her parents set, is told who she can and cannot have over, and that the person she dates must be approved by them (religious family) and they justify this because she is "living under their roof". Should they still be allowed to tell their adult child that she must have a curfew and how her life must be run simply on the basis that she lives there?

I'm not cbg (though we often share a brain) but...actually yeah. 18, 28, 38 - doesn't matter. You want to live with me after you hit adulthood? You live with my rules.

Oddly I do have direct experience here. While #2 left home and never needed to come back, #1, her husband and her kids did. So yeah. They live with our household rules if they want to stay past a weekend.

(Fortunately we are awesome parents and our rules are pretty straightforward and the house is actually set up - sort of - to have two small families living together and only needing to share the kitchen and one bathroom...but that wasn't my point)

 

[LdiJ]

Why not? Landlords can make all sorts of rules.

ETA: And when I go see my folks? I follow their rules. Dad got ticked off at The Boyfriend for some imagined slight. The Boyfriend was not allowed on Dad's property. I honored that; wasn't real happy about it, but I honored it anyway. No smoking in their house. Unmarried couples do not share a bedroom. Mom and Dad's House Rules: Follow them or don't come over.

Those are fair rules...however, your parents didn't attempt to force you to break up with the boyfriend, they just wouldn't allow the boyfriend at their home.

 

[cbg]

And to answer the question posed to me, Yes. And I'm a little surprised that you don't.

But regardless the answer to your hypothetical, that is not the case with the situation under discussion so it doesn't really matter.