boyfriend's ex saying I cannot go to pick up child for visitation

[stealth2]

And as far as teaching your child about monogamy at age 6, yes, let him see what it is supposed to be like at an early age.. where do you think the foundation for their future is laid??

Purely out of curiousity - do you have a b/f? And have the kids met him?

 

[dannic9647]

and yes I have a BF and no the kids have not met him yet...That is an agreement that he and I made. It is not the time considering I am still married legally and who knows where this will go...
It is out of teaching values to my kids that he hasnt met them. Not that he doesnt want to, but I can find plenty of time to see him when the kids are not around...

 

[stealth2]

So technically, you're also committing adultery - the kids just don't know it. Huh.

{edit} In for a penny, in for a pound... so... isn't it then hypocritical to teach your children about monogamy?

 

[dannic9647]

Technically yes, but he is living with someone else so what is the big deal.. I just chose to show my children a better example, that is all... But since I have yet to sleep with my boyfriend, I dont know if you would call it adultery still.. But the narrow minded individuals that have surfaced here, I am sure will..
and let them know that two wrongs dont make a right..
Everyone forgets about what is best for the children.... TEACHING THEM VALUES AND MORALS... that is best...Not throwing every Tom, Dick and harry in their face....and FORCING them to like the person..
Lets stop and ask the kids what they want. I have and since my son is 12, I will respect his wishes....

 

[stealth2]

Rationalization is a beautiful thing.

So - your son's wishes are not to meet your b/f, or not know about him, or what?

I'm sorry, but the more you post, the more hypocritical your positions seem.

 

[CRYROSE1]

well it looks like dannic did not read part 3 in the dictionary. she was the one whom said that she started the divorce.
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monogamy n

1. the practice of having a sexual relationship with only one partner during a period of time

2. the practice of being married to only one person at a time.
See also monandry
See also monogyny

3. the practice of having only one mate at a time or during a lifetime

 

[stealth2]

well it looks like dannic did not read part 3 in the dictionary. she was the one whom said that she started the divorce.
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monogamy n

1. the practice of having a sexual relationship with only one partner during a period of time

2. the practice of being married to only one person at a time.
See also monandry
See also monogyny

3. the practice of having only one mate at a time or during a lifetime

I think that's where hairs are being split - no "sexual" relationship. But I think there are some pretty wide open doors.

 

[CMSC]

and yes I have a BF and no the kids have not met him yet...That is an agreement that he and I made. It is not the time considering I am still married legally and who knows where this will go...
It is out of teaching values to my kids that he hasnt met them. Not that he doesnt want to, but I can find plenty of time to see him when the kids are not around...

This just gets better and better!LOL

So you don't want your boyfriend and kids to meet yet? Seems a little cruel, I mean, apparently you are dating someone you don't feel would be a good candidate to raise children. You see when you have children, you can't just date any old Joe off the street, you need to date someone suitable to be around kids, but how would you know unless you get the two together?

Do you really think two wrongs make a right? He is doing it so why can't I? You have yet to learn to be the bigger person, I am sure you will get there someday. Maybe your children will teach you.

 

[ktarra617]

i gotta say that in the beginning of my husband and I's early relationship and marriage sometimes I went when he picked up his daughter and sometimes I didn't. It was purely convenience on my part as to whether or not I went. I never chose not to go because of how his ex would react.

As far as I am concerned we are grown adults and if we cant stay civil for five minutes to pick up the kids then there is a problem.

besides I would not give her the pleasure of dictating when I can go somewhere with my husband and when I can't. And I am not going to sit at home and wait for him to come back and pick me and our children so we can go out when it is so much easier if we just go with him.

And no I would not take my car into town to meet him so that he could go by himself. My point is they are divorced, just as I am(my ex's wife insists on coming with him(not that I care) because she thinks I want him back.) and she is just going to have to deal with it and accept it as I have to accept that my ex's wife always shows up. As long as she is good to my daughter then my problems with her are not important in the grand scheme of things.

Women that start saying she can't come when you come to get your kids have control issues.

Now that doesn't mean that if the GF is screaming her head off and becoming a general pain in the butt then I would say something needs to be done but if there is no problem the bio mom should not worry about who dad brings with him.

just my two cents!

 

[karma1]

I think this attitude needs to be addressed..

What is my mistake???
That I was being nice and letting him see the kids when he wanted?? That I was trying to do this the easy way??

first before you address a new bf/gf situation. This, "being nice and letting him see the kids when he wanted" is what I am talking about. The underlying problem with this statement is that the children are presumed to be your possessions and you can be "nice" or not regarding their father. It should not be a matter of "being nice" for the fathers sake, nor should you receive a "pat on the back" for this--it is a matter of doing what's best for the children.
You're setting yourself up for some long and drawn out battles and unhappiness if you think you can control another person-ie, the father and his gf---however, you can change your reaction to them and that, IMO, if far more valuable for children to learn from then a tirade of "you can't do this" or "you cant do that" around the children. Children are going to see a whole lot of things you described in your posts in this world---what you are teaching them by your example now (and from what I gather here, anger and resentment) will last them a lifetime......
just MHO----

 

[bugaboo]

And I do have to say this...
she is the "GIRLFRIEND" not a wife.... who is to say that there wont be a new one next week?? Or the week after that?? What is that saying to the kids??
Maybe if she were a step mom she would have more leverage.. but as a girlfriend I think she needs to stop trying to muddy the waters...

Ok, I can't resist...The way I was raised is you have a GIRL/BOYFRIEND, than a FIANCE, and lastly a WIFE/HUSBAND. What in the hell is he suppossed to do, go out and marry her right away just to make her the "step mom" and make the ex "happy" Give me a break! I can see it now "Hey honey, you need to marry me really quick. I have to go pick up my kids this weekend and ex wifey dear wants you to be a step mom and not just the girlfriend."

God, you make me laugh!!

 

[dannic9647]

There goes that narrow minded thinking....
all I was saying was the GF has NO SAY SO in the raising of the kids...that is all she is.. a GF....AND check into some of the recent court cases, GF's have literally been told to mind their own business

 

[bugaboo]

There goes that narrow minded thinking....
all I was saying was the GF has NO SAY SO in the raising of the kids...that is all she is.. a GF....AND check into some of the recent court cases, GF's have literally been told to mind their own business

Narrow minded??? Not by far. I was only making a wise ass statement because of your stupid comment.

Did I EVER said that the gf has a right to say how the kids are raised? No i did not. Whether or not the GF sits in the car while dad picks up his kids does not say she's raising the kids...MY freekin GOD! You should be GREATFUL that your EX has chosen a woman that supports him having to pick up his kids, who enjoys being around your kids. Just because she sits in the car while he picks up the kids...give me a break! And don't go off on this tangent about not knowing your case...your right I don't nor do I care! I'm speaking in general about all vengful, bitchy ex wives.

So do you feel that he shouldn't bring his mom, a friend, dad? Or is it just the GF you women have a problem with. It's not really a big deal...really it's not. Your world will not crumble if your ex's new gf sits in the car while he picks up HIS kids.

 

[KCMR]

Correct me if I am wrong but I don't think anyone has ever implied that she has a SAY SO in what goes on with your childrens lives.

She may or may not be one day the step mother of your children.

The point I was trying to make is you CAN'T dictate what your EX does in his free time. If he decides to bring his girlfriend to pick up your kids on his visitation...you need to grow the hell up and stop being such an idiot. Your reaction to all of this only adds fuel to the fire.

She may or may not be a mature adult. I'm not really concerned about her...and imo neither should you. If you could just get over your bruised ego, and at least attempt to have a better relationship with her, the transition times would be easier on all of you and most importantly your children.

 

[dannic9647]

A better relationship with her?? Someone who threatens on a daily basis to take my kids form me?? Someone who has called DHS on 4 different occassions and filed false allegations against me?? Someone who thought it was funny on a night that my child had a105 fever and was in the ER, NOT to let me speak to his father to tell him what was going on?? Someone who has made a total ass out of herself in my yard and IN FRONT OF THE KIDS?? and someone who my children have expressed more then once that they do NOT want around???
Sure, I want her as a friend....
What I was saying is this... ASK THE KIDS WHAT THEY WANT... LET THEM FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE SOME CONTROL in this awful situation...
And I am not being a bitchy ex wife, I am looking out for myself and my kids...

And to clarify, I never said that the person I was dating would not be a good candidate to be around my kids... I was simply saying that he and I felt that it was not time yet for the kids to meet him. What if he is gone next week?? I am not the kind of mom that feels her kids should be brought around every person I date.... SOrry if you disagree.. JMHO... they dont need to think that dating a new person every week or every month for that matter is reality.. because it isnt...