Want to Go WITH my Kids

[tylersmom]

I wasn't trying to suggest anything by my comment. I commend you for trying. Like I said, I'm not a lawyer. If you are determined to leave, and he wants the kids, you should be prepared for a court battle. You will have to prove why he shouldn't have shared physical custody. It will be hard to prove a drinking problem and anger issues. It will be your word against his.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

tylersmom, been to counseling. Thing is, counseling doesn't do anything for you if you don't put into practice what you are learning. One person cannot carry nor mend a relationship. It takes the full effort of both. I don't want to leave, I would love to be able to work it all out, but how can I do that all by myself? Yes, he has a problem with alcohol, which he has not accepted yet. He is a very angry man and I find that my stomach knots (as does that of my 11yo) when I hear his key in the front door. I am scared of him and miserable and tired of hoping the man I fell in love with will return.

Then get yourself back into counseling, you have issues that you have not accepted yet. Perhaps your idea of a problem with alcohol isn't a problem for him and if you get upset, your children will get upset also. You said nothing in any of your other posts about alcohol being a problem until someone suggested it, so it isn't a problem. You have not made any claim of abuse, only that he and your older child don't get along, nothing uncommon about that age. Lastly you claimed he worked constantly, so you are lonely, right?
What do you expect to do, remain a stay at home mom while he continues to work constantly to pay all the bills to support you when you move away and look for comfort elsewhere? ANd you expect him to be content being left with nothing and having to drive an hour everytime he want's to see his children. You need to wake up.

 

[tylersmom]

Okay now you are not making sense!!!

You say hes an excellent father and then make a comment about him being a very angry person and you cring when you hear the door and that he has had a drinking problem.????

Woman make up your mind!!

If he is that bad then you should have NEVER HAS SLEPT WITH HIM TO MAKE 2 CHILDREN!!

Very good point!!

 

[kimberlywrites]

Come on now, let's not beat this woman up over decisions she made long ago. The issue at hand is how to leave (whether any of you feel it's justified or not) and what to do with the children. Let's try to help her with suggestions instead of condemning her for decisions she made long ago.

 

[mommyto4]

Come on now, let's not beat this woman up over decisions she made long ago. The issue at hand is how to leave (whether any of you feel it's justified or not) and what to do with the children. Let's try to help her with suggestions instead of condemning her for decisions she made long ago.

She was given those in the thread that she decided to delete and has been given suggestions in this thread. She does not like them.

 

[stealth2]

Let's try to help her with suggestions instead of condemning her for decisions she made long ago.

Uuuuh, the decision to get pregnant a second time was a scant 3 mos ago. When presumably Mom knew that he had anger issues, drinking issues, is a workaholic, etc. Yeah - it's relevant.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Something had to have happened for her to change her mind quickly. Boyfriend? Husband had an affair? Thought a baby would save the marriage, but learned it would not? Pure speculation that probably has no need to be here. Forgive me.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Something had to have happened for her to change her mind quickly. Boyfriend? Husband had an affair? Thought a baby would save the marriage, but learned it would not? Pure speculation that probably has no need to be here. Forgive me.

I vote for boyfriend since she wants to move out and create distance to make visitaiton difficult.

 

[mommyto4]

I vote for boyfriend since she wants to move out and create distance to make visitaiton difficult.

Second a boyfriend

 

[tylersmom]

Come on now, let's not beat this woman up over decisions she made long ago. The issue at hand is how to leave (whether any of you feel it's justified or not) and what to do with the children. Let's try to help her with suggestions instead of condemning her for decisions she made long ago.

I'm not trying to condemn her at all. I'm just suggesting that she think about what she is doing and if there is any way they can work through it. She may have already made the decision to leave, but she made a decision first to marry this man and have his children. Divorce or no divorce, it's a lifelong bond. Sometimes it takes longer for one person to see the problem. If he's a good father and a good provider, and if he doesn't abuse you or cheat on you, maybe the alcohol thing can be worked on. I'm not making light of alcoholism, but if he is a good father and he is successful in supporting his family, maybe it isn't a huge problem (athough he may want to get help before it does). How often does he drink? As for anger issues, do you think that he may just be very stressed out due to the fact that he is the sole provider in the family and now he is facing a potential divorce and loss of his children? I'm not criticizing, I'm just making suggestions. Divorce sucks, no other way of saying it. Its sucks bigtime when there are children involved. Just don't be rash. It could cost you your kids.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Tyler's mom, are you speaking from experience?
Counselling is always a good idea, but on the other hand if she knows in her mind that she's already out the door (and sounds like she is) then why drag it out, possibly giving stbx false hope? You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink, and all that.
I am confused though as to how someone with anger issues etc. can be a beast to the wife but a father-of-the year to the children. Something not adding up there.

 

[tylersmom]

Tyler's mom, are you speaking from experience?
Counselling is always a good idea, but on the other hand if she knows in her mind that she's already out the door (and sounds like she is) then why drag it out, possibly giving stbx false hope? You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink, and all that.
I am confused though as to how someone with anger issues etc. can be a beast to the wife but a father-of-the year to the children. Something not adding up there.

I agree on the anger issues, alcoholic, father of the year thing. I don't speak from experience as far as actually being able to fix the relationship. My ex had alot of the same qualities this woman is describing, however, his partying, "working", and anger kept him from being a father to his son. He wasn't bad, but he wasn't around. He refused counseling so I went on my own. In the end, he left because he wanted to be free to come and go as he chose. He said he felt resentment towards me for tying him down. We share custody and I got primary physical at his request (although he threatens me now with trying to get custody when he is pissed at me). I did everything I could and would have continued to do so for my son's sake. Now it's constant animosity and pissing contests over stupid things. I guess my point is that it's amazing what you will do and how hard you will work for the sake of your children. She has given no reasons to back her claims. I'm arguing her points because I think there is more to the story. It's easier to get the truth when you don't leave the other person any outs. Maybe it's none of my business, but she can't get any real advice if she doesn't give it to us straight.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Maybe it's odd for a woman to feel so strongly, but I get ripped when mother's want to keep their children from their father because they are seeking revenge (if they didn't want the divorce.) Yes, some fathers don't deserve it, but I think in this day and age there are alot of good, involved dads out there and the laws maybe need to reflect that.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

BelizeBreeze, I am unsure what relevance that particular bible passage is supposed to have for me. And before you even start, yes I know that is the story of the Solomon and the two mothers, one of whose child died in the night. Are you saying I should give my son up rather than to have him split between my husband and myself?
Well, did you not get that he works constantly?

Did YOU get that the fact that he works constantly is not ground to deny his constitutional right to be a father.

Unless you'd like that same restriction. After all, you work 8 hours a day. Should your rights to be a mother be denied during your working hours?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Furthermore:

Who said daddy is all that happy with the marriage? I'd like to see what happens when he kicks her to the curb and files for divorce and a temporary restraining order against removing the child from the home.

Sweetheart, the moment you or he files for divorce and either one of you absconds with the child, you bring in a whole bag full of hurt in the way of federal crimes....

Is getting your way really worth the prospect of a prison sentence?